AbsoluteINK's Blog Entry

This is the complexity we have all known...

This was great.

Thought it was too declarative, the language was very drab and didn't do much in the way of conjuring any spectacular images in my mind, nothing was really looked at or examined in any fresh/creative way--which consequently caused it to be less than insightful. It also suffers dearly from melodrama.

Uhm, I didn't really like it. I think the psychology of the charachters should always be there, but I can't really see anything but some words put toghether to sound good in here. When a tale is in 1st person I think there are many way to get the audience into the main charachter's head, but this didn't happen here.

the line breaks feel random and don't do anything to move the piece forward. the rhyming in 'chapter xxi' detracts a bit from what the speaker's trying to say -- rhymes like that work in things like songs, but in poetry i think they do more harm than good, really.

the simpler stuff just seems to work better, i think: for example, in 'chapter vii', the first verse does more to move the reader than the last two, just because the final verse kinda hits you over the head with what the poem's supposed to mean. it might just be my personal preference, but when poems are simpler, they become more effective; using lines such as "is this breaking you? / this is not breaking news" (from another piece) don't affect me as a reader like they should because there are a bunch of them all stuck together in the same piece.

all that said i think a few more revisions would do a lot for these. sorry if this sounded overly critical or like i'm trying to be all fancy with the criticism; i just really like poetry/prose and i think this is obviously from the heart, it just gets bogged down a little with witticisms and overly wrought language.

I really enjoyed this.

I liked it.

i dig

Great stuff. So many poets either overuse puncuation or don't use it enough, to the point that it doesn't make sense. You used little punctuation AND it made sense. Thank you.

that felt like an album i want to hear.

I really liked this. It's making me want to actually type of some of the things I have from notebooks from 6 years ago, seems I don't write much anymore.

That was great, and with a little revision could be almost perfect.

creatively crazy and enticing. nice.

I dont read thigns on this website, but Id bet that would summarize just about anything here.

I was going to say the same thing. I really enjoyed this, thanks. I liked this line a lot: "you're a bad, bad influence / and everyone's under you / but baby, I'm over you."