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did you just eat a dead person's asshole?
did you just eat a dead person's asshole?
03/13/09 at 02:05 PM by provethatIexist
i work for a huge subsea oil company (boooooo! hisssssss!), and deal with different co-workers everyday. some come in daily, and some i see about once every 2-3 weeks. i've dealt with my share of morons, but here's what gets me the most...

almost every single person has horrible breath. wait, fuck that... almost every single person has breath that smells like they ate a rotting corpse's asshole, just minutes before they came up to talk to me. i work in front of a computer sitting in a terribly small cubicle, so there seriously is no way of avoiding it. sometimes, it will linger for minutes after they walk away. and don't get me started on the smokers... it's ridiculous. these are stenches that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. you could probably blindfold me, set a random bunch of co-workers in front of me, have them exhale, and (before puking) i'd be able to accurately identify them based solely on the smell of the fumes being emitted from their pie holes.

does no one perform the "self-check" anymore? does no one believe in the workings of spearmint gum? i've acquired a phobia of sorts, so now i chew gum constantly throughout the day to fend off the death breath curse... so much so, that i usually end up going home at night with a sore jaw. ya think anyone would get the hint if i came in to work wearing some sweet, swimmer's nose plugs?

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