So, guys and gals, I think I am doing grad school wrong.
A few days ago, while sitting in class with other first years, the subject of sleep came up. Everyone there--about six others--complained about the fact that they got close to no sleep lately, averaging about two hours a night, if that. I stayed quiet. I played with my Burt's Bees because I didn't want to open my mouth. Eventually, though, it came to me. The joys of an oval table and sitting at one end--its easy for all eyes to be on you.
"Um," I stuttered, "You guys really only get, like, two hours of sleep?" There were nods.
"I haven't lost any sleep?" I made it a question. I wasn't sure if I should say it. These kids, fellow anthropology graduate students, didn't seem like the kind to hoist pitchforks against their own, but then again we were anthropologists, we studied the weird customs and found out why people did them. A thrown pitchfork could've been normal. Somewhere.
"Really?" I could feel it, they were pulling out mini pitchforks from their bags under the big oak table.
"Uh, yeah. Really."
"I hate you."
"Am I doing something wrong? Why am I not losing sleep like everyone else?" The looks in their eyes told me I was doing something wrong. I was doing grad school wrong.
"I have a job and everything, and a full course load," I said. I was trying to soften the blow. They couldn't hate me if I had a job. I was a contributing member to society and a hard-working graduate student. Oh wait, they were too.
I had nothing to come back with. If they all weren't so tired, I'm pretty sure their eyes would've been flaming with hate. Saying the words "I can't help I'm awesome" probably wouldn't help, so I kept my mouth shut.
"How do you manage that, Sam?" Don't say because you're awesome. Don't say because you're a god among men. Don't say because you're that fucking amazing.
"I don't know. I just do, I guess."
One girl shook her head. "That's not fair."
She laughed. At the moment, I was saved by the teacher. She walked in, talking about class before she even sat down.