For half of a decade, I was a die-hard fan of the NBC show Scrubs. I would put as much time aside as 40-something women do for Grey's Anatomy. I would spend whole Sundays laying on my couch watching entire seasons of scrubs with my roommate in college. I could recite lines from episodes, or name episodes if a line was said. I knew pointless trivia. I knew every line to every song of the "My Musical' episode. I even dressed up as Janitor for Halloween one year. I was a Scrubs-a-holic.
And then Scrubs moved to ABC. This was, in retrospect the beginning of the end. While I was happy at the time, a piece of my brain was still questioning the move. How long could they keep it going? It felt like not using a lucky stick in a hockey game after scoring 5 or 6 goals in a row with the lucky one. It was just wrong in ways, I guess.
There was a shining light though---the very last episode was incredibly well done. There was enough emotion loaded into it to make it a spectacular end to a show that accomplished so much in an eight-year span, so much longer than most shows ever reach. There were babies, marriages, deaths, break-ups and breakdowns. Everything a good show could do without going overboard. So Scrubs ended. We were left with memories of JD and Turk's guy love and DVD replays of the Janitor's increasingly psychotic one-liners and pranks of JD. I was happy with this. When I needed a boost, I would pop in a disc and watch an episode or two, mouthing every word silently as I did so.
I get a call from my sister, another Scrubs fan.
"Did you hear they're bringing scrubs back?"
At this point I was living in Montana already. We didn't have television in my house and I had not heard this piece of information.
"A new season. They've moved to a teaching hospital or something," she said.
When we got off the phone, I hopped online and watched the trailer. They were coming back, alright, and they were indeed placing their episodes in a teaching hospital. This was going to be interesting.
Interesting does not even begin to describe what I experienced when watching the new episodes of Scrubs.
I will make this easy for you, readers out there. If you are still a Scrubs fan, and want to remain that way, do not proceed. Take the knowledge that I do not like the new Scrubs and leave. Go to your happy place now. If not, please proceed.
(Note: At this point, I am a little hesitant to continue myself, with Scrubs having been such a large part of my life for the past few years. It feels a little like beating my grandmother in a boxing match, or, what I imagine punching my grandmother would be like. I wouldn't know--she's dead.)
Anyway, the new Scrubs.
Plainly, it's horrible.
The new series tries to hard to be the old series, and it fails miserably. To begin with, the theme song "Superman," originally performed by Lazlo Bane, has been redone. It is faster, younger, hipper--probably to mirror the fact that most of the original cast is gone (of the originals, JD,Turk, Cox, and Kelso having recurring roles so far. Eliot has been seen, as has the Todd, and one of the newer additions--Mahoney, is now a permanent resident of the show). Redoing this song--while not close to covering something like "Yellow Submarine" or anything by Hendrix--is still a travesty. Moving on.
The new characters--a kid whose dad donated a ton of money, a blonde peppy girl with no self esteem and a team of security guards, don't compare at all to the old crew. The kid, Cole I think his name is, is flat out annoying. Good for a laugh at first, this douschebag who refers to himself in the third person and constantly gets on people's nerves because he feels he is invincible, is a little punk that I frankly want to smack the shit out of. To have to hear anything come out of his mouth is like watching a volcano erupt while standing on the very rim of it. Just plain painful. I'd rather stand on the volcano rim. The blonde girl annoys me the least. She mirrors JD, if it isnt obvious enough, and we'll see how long it takes for that to get annoying. Now, my biggest beef is with the security guards. Never did I think there would be such a miserable replacement for Janitor. I am bias in favor of the Janitor, my favorite character, but follow me on this one. The security guards--typifying slovenly, fat security guards the world over, try way too hard to be funny. Their one-liners fall flat and their use in the show screams "we didn't have a better transition." Where Janitor felt like a natural, these guys just feel awkward. On top of that, the black guard looks like the guy from the Miller High Life commercials, and even if it isn't him, that's all I can think of--the "champagne of beers." Actually, now that I think about it, the new Scrubs and MHL leave the same taste in my mouth afterwards and leave me thinking "I wish I were drunker to have to go through this."
So far, three episodes in, all I can say is that Scrubs is trying way too hard. In order to come anywhere near the calibur of the previous series, they would need to--nevermind, at this point there is no hope.
I will still watch, because it is free on Hulu, but that's really only cause I need background noise while I do my crosswords.