|'s Blog|| | |
01/24/10 at 12:25 PM by BruisedxBroken
In the beginning, I never thought this moment would come; where we'd fall in love, build a bond and watch it come undone. It's a sick cycle, though necessity is apparent. For you, I can't be just another regret. Initially, I tried hard to push you away. But you were incessant, forcing me to let you stay. I could toss you to the side like you didn't much. But secretly I'd lie awake and long for your touch. The feeling is amazing, to know that you're loved. But sometimes I feel like I took you for granted. It was hard to express all my deepest emotions. With you, disapproval was all too possible. And deep disappointment, if I should let you down. There were times when I felt that you were slipping away, but I tried hard to hold on and make you stay. I would see you in my dreams, which helped me to make sense; to separate my fears, and show you who I am. But too little, too late. I guess I couldn't make it happen. So i speak through these words to compensate for my actions. Here in the aftermath, you're always on my mind. You were before, but now, it's quite a bit different. I flash back to memories, all too distant. And pray that one day we can live them again. You make me happy. That's about as simple as I can say it. I'd stay with you forever if it kept me on this high. And lie to myself, that you're not so abusive. Or justify your actions to keep myself sane. Secretly, I wondered why you'd treat me that way. Did I really deserve less than an ounce of respect? Was I really just novel, here today and gone tomorrow? Or did I mean half of what you told me I did. You. Your word was like God. I never had doubt, my faith was unwavering. I spoke of your love, to anyone who'd listen. They used to call me crazy. They said that I was weak. But so did you. So if it's true, I plead for compassion. The slightest bit of mercy to shine on me. My heart had been broken, so many times betrayed. Why did I expect to anything to change? I put my best foot forward, and still fell hard. And sadly, I don't think I've quite learned yet. I would let you back in with a beat of my heart, forgiving and forgetting everything that you are. If I could have you, I'd want to. Please believe. You mean more than any and every thing. This isn't me begging, the door is always open. This is me pouring out my heart. For you.