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10/23/10 at 10:13 AM by Lueda Alia
|I read about yet another suicide before going to the Stars show last night, which made me experience the show itself on a different way - for the reasons that I will explain below. |
In February 2005, I freaked out on my LiveJournal over the fact that Stars were coming to London. They were my favourite band and that was one of the highlights of my year at the time. I wrote this:
|oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. Jeff just told me that Stars are coming here on March 10th. oh god. OH GOD. i cannot put down to words just how excited i am right now. i love that band more than anything so i cannot wait. i'd go to the show even if no one else is coming. i cannot miss it. |
The show took place at a pretty tiny venue, and I don't believe there were more than 70 people present. I ended up going with my best friend, who had never heard of the band but decided to come after my constant begging. Two other friends that I haven't seen in a long time were at the show also, but they had their other friends. We all hung out for the most part and it was so much fun. It was the best spent $10 of my life; the show was incredible and so intimate. My only wish at the time was to have known more people and to have been more outgoing, like my other friends were. I felt inadequate and like an outcast, despite the fact that I loved music as much as everyone there.
Fast forward to October 23rd, 2010. Stars were coming back in town and I would not miss them for the world, despite the fact that I had an exam at 9 am the following morning. So I went: I had a couple of drinks with my friends and headed to the show. This time, I was not holding a ticket; this time, I would simply tell them to look for my name on the guest list. And so I did. Hearing the guy say, "You're all good" was just surreal. Being on the guest lists of bands that I work with has become the norm, but to think that only five and a half years ago I would idolize Stars from afar is hard to wrap my mind around. Words cannot describe the emotions I felt at the time, but the point of this is not to brag about getting on guest lists; the point I want to make is that in '05 I was a nobody in every sense of the word. I had one best friend and hardly any other friends. Moving to Canada at 15 proved to be extremely difficult and I had the hardest time adjusting to all the change, which led to a depression that lasted for years. Because of this, I was an extremely "late bloomer," and high school was one of the most difficult periods of my life. I was not fun and I felt ugly, small and insignificant. But I made it. I can't remember taking any big steps, but I remember taking thousands of baby steps to get to where I am today. That's all it took.
And so, 5 years ago I begged my friend to come to the show with me. This year, like with all shows I go to nowadays, my (best) friends make plans with me to go to shows. And we have so much fun:
.. and we also have no shame in asking strangers to take more than one picture, just to look even sillier than before:
Five years ago, I would have never thought that such pictures would have been possible in my future. But they are now my life. Sure, obstacles and heartache will always be a part of life too, but the rewards we get from being around are so much greater. My only wish would be for young people who feel "different" and lonely to hear these things from their peers who have gone through similar situations, in the off chance that it would make a difference and save their lives.
Two of my favourite bands said it best this year:
Now, the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their complement of highs
And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of, or beat you
Raise your head and wear your wounds with pride
You must stick up for yourself, son
Never mind what anybody else done
Stick up for yourself, son
~ Yeasayer, "Ambling Alp"
Nothing is wasted and life is worth living
Heaven is nowhere, just look to the stars
There is a day that is yours for embracing
~ Hot Chip, "I Feel Better."
People will begin to value you only when you value yourself. Just stick around and prove everyone wrong because your life is worth living.
Ps: I totally forgot to point out that: Amy Millan is still as hot as ever.