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| Say you wanted a solution, you just wanted to be missed |
Say you wanted a solution, you just wanted to be missed
04/26/11 at 10:47 PM by gemini089 | | I spent an hour looking for an old flickr account that held hundreds of pictures that amount to my high school experience. I say searched and not found because I was unsuccessful, I have a feeling they have been lost to the abyss of the Internet. I really should have been a bit more careful with my memories shouldn’t I have? It’s probably for the best; nostalgia has always been a weakness for me. I don’t necessarily think I would ever want to go back to what was, and as terrible as it sounds I don’t even really miss all the people or experiences because let’s face it being a teenager kind of sucked even when it was great. I think what I really miss is the safety of it all, the feelings of complete belonging and of believing with a sense of naive certainty that I had things figured out. I’m at a very unique position in my life right now, I’m at a place in my life where I can literally choose to change everything if I want to. I can change where I live, what I want to do, how I want to do it, and whom I want to do it with. Meanwhile lately I've been making the kind of decisions that are meant to cement one’s future. I’m careening towards these things and beginning to take steps that make it harder and harder to back track from. See, I say that but more than anything I’m scared of what changing all these decisions would mean. I would have to look at myself and be completely honest about what I want. It’s something that’s been nagging me lately, and I find myself constantly trying to register how happy I am with my current life. I feel like I keep asking myself, do I want things to stay this way? | |
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