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We Can Only Start Somewhere
07/05/12 at 03:42 PM by Jason Tate | I figure if I'm going to write something, in that Ijusthavetogetitout way -- it might as well be here. I've spent the last 14 or so years writing here, I guess I can't stop now, right? If I can't be real here -- where can I? If I don't write this now -- I can't move forward. Fuck, sometimes that's the only constant I know. Turning on music and letting my fingers fly over a keyboard. I know a few people have wondered why I haven't been at the forefront (news/writing) of the website recently. The truth is that this has been one of the hardest periods of my life that I've ever experienced. A lot of life changes all happened at relatively the same time. Picture trying to take a breath of air only to have water poured down your throat. Unrelenting. I've been spending a lot of time working on things behind the scenes with email/promotion/organization/restructuring because the thought of trying to just "go back into what I always did" didn't feel right. The idea that I could move on with my life as though nothing happened -- was a joke -- things did happen. And with that I knew changes needed to happen ... learning was paramount to continued happiness in my life. So, while I was helping coordinate what will soon be announced as the first full-time hire at AP.net (extremely excited about what this future will look like), and while I was working on the goals and promotions for the rest of the year ... I was spending my free time at night learning more about myself. Deconstructing who I am. Deconstructing who I was. Reconstructing who I want to be. There is no such thing as an overnight change, but what I believe in is that by creating new habits in my life I can reinforce the person that I want to be. By focusing on these habits of mindfulness I can avoid one of my biggest pitfalls: When I was younger I thought out a vision of the life that I (thought I) wanted. I thought that if I simply checked items off a list - I could be happy. I was wrong. The list was wrong. The idea that there's a linear path in my life was flawed.
Right now? I've never felt better. I feel a fire burning in my fingers like I haven't in years. I feel an energy I have never experienced before. I am incredibly excited to continue moving forward with the next stage of life, and how this website plays a role inside of it. I believe that the engineering team is still working on optimizing the new website for launch at some point this year ... I am hoping that this happens sooner rather than later. It is, unquestionably, the future of this community. While that's still being put together I am going to be working on a lot of things for this current version of the website and its partners. This is going to include a very big promotion push from our end (I had wanted to wait for the new website ... but, well, what can you do) ... and I will also soon be announcing what I believe is the formation of the future of "punk/alternative" music blogs on the internet.
Life rarely turns out how you expect. The roads you think you're on sometimes end up just being paths to the next junction. Just because you think you're where you thought you wanted to be ... doesn't mean it'll stay that way or that you're done learning and growing as a person.
Recommended Reading:
"Self-Reliance" - Emerson
"The Art of Power" - Thich Nhat Hanh
"The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger"
"Adult Children of Alcoholics" - Janet Woititz
www.zenhabits.net
"Do the Work" - Steven Pressfield
"The Neon Bible" - Toole
“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” | |
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