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|Back at the beginning. . . .
|Wow has this site calmed down. |
Used to you got messages every day. I remember when i first started using this site.
My life has changed so much since my first time logging onto this site. im now mothering a child and my life has had such a dramtic effect within the last year. im currnetly in my longest relationship ever and happier than i never knew i would be. I have a little girl named Isabella Ramirez. She shines so beautifully.
I hope all my old friends from here are doing the best as they ever once did.
If you're one of my friends please send me a message or if you want to be my friend please send a message.
I'm back at block one.
~ Amanda Marie
Why is the pain still here?
I've cried my tears and completed my years.
Why is this pain still here?
It awakens me in the night.
Shaking me with fright.
I know this feeling isn't right.
Why does it awaken me in the night?
Why is it that evry time i turn around, misery is bringing me down?
Bringing me down to the ground.
Turning my smile into a frown.
In this pain making me drown.
Why is it bringing me down?
I try real hard and do my best.
Why is this being a pest?
It never lets me rest.
Why is this feeling being a pest?
WHY? WHY? WHY?
|A littleshort something i wrote not too long ago. . .
|Sleeples nights and worrying days- I want to find my way out of this crystal haze.|
Countless hours and thoughtless minutes- I lost everything that I put in it.
You once were good but now you're bad- You leave me empty and oh so sad.
Once I thought I was in love but I was too foolish to see- However now i realize you're not the one for me.
See the stain you left on my heart- The pain is tearing it apart.
I gave you all my love- But you just want to throw it away like an old glove.
Open your eyes and let me see- See the innocence and honesty.
Its in your heart somewhere- I'm sure you have to care.
Otherwise you wouldn't leave me in the rain- Not without telling me you've caused me too much pain.
Open up, scream with me- Escape away from it all and take this ride with me.
I promise you its worth your time- Just sit back and let your world unwind.
Let me care for you like you did me- Let me abolish your pain and misery.
Look into my eyes, what do you see???
|A close friend once told me this. . .
|You're beautiful when you smile. I hope I can make it stay a while. I bet you look sexy when mad. If I was given the chance, I'd make you dance.|
To this day i still think about this. This short statement that says so much. barely four whole sentences that create so much thought.
|evrythings just so empty but yet it stays the same...
|everything that has happened here lately has been a drag. my life ahs fallen apart and some of my friends have turned on me. but thats not the real problem. im really worried about one person at this particular moment. what started out as a close friendship has now turned into a horrible denience. everything was really well at the beginning. he listened to my problems, gave me advice, and i can admit i was stubborn to one major piece of advice he gave me. there was this one guy that is 9, yes 9 years older than me and my friend told me to leave him alone because he was trouble. well, i knew he spoke the truth but i didnt want to listen either way. this guy really struck a good side with me and he had no problem accepting the real me... well thats what made me think he was so special. in the end i got screwed .... AGAIN! and when i tried to tell my friend why i was so depressed, i made him mad because he already told me this guy wasnt any good adn i just didnt want to listen. my friend didnt want to hear my problems that night and hung the phone up on me. then i knew he was mad and we havent talked since... im really worried about him.. we havent talk in a while and the last time we did talk, he had problems of his own. i just wish i knew whether or not hes safe and if hes doing better. i would call him but im scared of denial. the way i see it is he will call me when he forgives me. i know he tried to help me avoid this problem but its just the way i am. maybe ill talk to him again or maybe i wont.... i guess one day i will know, but hopefully he forgives me and gives me another chance to be his friend.........|
|Dont really know. . . . what ever suits the reader
|Well here i am again. . . sittin here wantin someone to talk to besides the peeps around me. . . i havent talked to my perfect stranger in some days. . . hope hes not madd at me. . . well here's my story of my life lately. i have someone new trying to step into my life and take over at the same time im getting accomplished with my perfect stranger. this other guy is sweet and hes almost everything i been looking for. but we have one problem, hes not exaclty my type, not so much as personality and things like that, its more like, other problems. but i ahvent given up on my perfect stranger though. even though we dont talk much anymore we are still hanging in there. well, speaking of realtionships, me and my latest ex had a big blowout last night. he called me wanting to know what i was doing and then old feelings tried to come back. we ended up fighting before the night was over and i had a friend of mine staying the night with me. she could tell i was really mad and knew what would calm my nerves. after i finally got calmed down me and her sat around talking about different kinds of things. i went to sleep about 2:30 this morning and woke up at 11:37 exact. sat around for a minute then my friends Ethan, Jon Jon, and Tank showed up wantin me to go swimming with them. so i grabbed my stuff and left and then finally got to swim. now im here and bored. my friend Jon Jon is boerd too so he has a tazer and is lighting up a spark plug, yeah, my friends are wierd. i mainly only hang out with guys because the girls i know are always worried about what they look like and it gets on my nerves. i only have one girl that i like to ahnd with and her name is Kelsie. me and her have so much in common and shes just like i am about the other girls. well, guess i'll go now and see who i can shock with teh tazer. . . |
|Life's so wierd. . . . . .
|ok, so now here's my story. when i thought life was bad, i typed a journal describing all my feelings, then someone actually cared. not many people read these things so when i type, i dont really worry about whether or not it makes sense. but to my surprise, someone heard my cry, his name is Joshua and he's been there to help me ever since he read my journal. (sorry if somethings messed up im not typing worth a shit today.) some people do think and believe that nobody cares but this guy really does. we have so much in common perspective wise and i was actually surprised a guy could care this much. all the guys down here in mississippi are assholes and dont carfe what you say as long as you hurry up and get through saying it, but not Joshua. hes different. its unexplainable. . . . .hes the perfect stranger to me. im normally not able to express and feeling to any one unless im writing or typing it. i mean most of my feelings come out in my drawings, songs, poems, or just anything i write down. but for some odd reason i can tell him anything, when i talk to him my world just stops and everythings existence becomes different. im care free and i know that the person im talking to cares. it feels so awesome to know some body can care so much!!!!! hes there to ask me whats wrong and there to give me advice. Joshua, you make me strong when im weak and you make me feel so wonderful when im down. everything you say helps me and nothing you say bothers me. you let me know that there is help out there and some people do care for you. i know when i want someone to talk to i can call you and the miles between us do not matter. i believe you would do anything for me if possible and i know i would do the same. but for the people reading this, do you think this can be love? i hardly know anything about him but i know i can trust him. my heart is easy to conceed and i fall in love easily when someone shows me that they care. but im still confused. do i love him or do i just feel deeply for him? you decide what you think and SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING!!!|
|ok? whats goin on?
|ok, ok so we all know that life is not perfect, and not everything will go your way. but this is just fucked up. my boyfriend and i broke up last night because he told me that if our relationship was goin to ruin his friendship with his guy friend, then he dont want us to be together any more. i dont really see why its bothering me so much. i understand where hes coming from, i mean, his friend is the only one he really has and they are good friends and have been forever. but my ex boyfriend before this one gave up every friend he had for me because his friends kept messin with me and he said that he really loved me and didnt want to lose me and if his friends were getting in the way then they werent worth it. i just think that he should have tried to do something different but i really dont or shouldnt expect more outta him since he is a guy. im just glad that im not emotionally attached but im kinda worried bout him because he really did love me. we go to the same school and im at school right now. i havent talked to him yet but the time will come. anyways. . . . . we all know life sucks at times, so we all have to get over it.|
|someday i will be the one who will be complete. i thought i was but apparently not really. life sucks! LIVE IT WELL WHILE YOU CAN!! but im tired of being wild and free. i need somebosy to tame me. A REAL MAN!!!|
When I'm near you, my heart is joyful. Like when the spring comes; flowers are blooming and birds are singing. My feelings arise and my eyes gleam in the light of your love.
Lying in the green grass is just like lying in your arms. I am surrounded by love; every green blade represents your kisses, The flowers around me so bright and colorful symbolize the good times we've had.
I can put my ear to the ground and hear the horses' hooves beat the ground resembling the beating of your heart. It's so steady and strong, getting louder as they get closer.
Walking down the road; listening to the sounds of the wind remind me of your silent whispers. The shadows from the trees cover the ground. I think of them as watching over me as you would.
The birds are chirping: fluttering around playfully fighting, like the times we played around together.
The proud peacock is strutting around: his tail spread showing his reluctantness. He's confident that he's brilliant like the way I'm confident i love you.
|PLEASE READ MY POEM!!!
My silent heart remedies for you.
Your love is so fulfilling.
When I’m around you, I feel completed.
You make me feel warm, safe, and secure.
Your eyes show so much love.
When I’m around you, I can’t stop looking at you.
You have so much love in your soul.
When I think of you, my heart sings.
Life without you is so unimaginable.
Every time we separate, I feel like you take my heart with you.
We have the whole world against our love.
Everyday we fight to be stronger.
People talk; hating, lying, and deceiving.
They want you; they want me; but we want each other.
I constantly face the challenge of not losing you.
Everyday I struggle to make you still love me.
You cause me so much pain and misery.
I sit up all night crying…wondering…
Wondering how I’d survive without you.
Losing you would be like taking my last breath.
Slowly losing life, wondering what happens next.
Every morning my body slowly awakens to greet the new day.
I think of you, hoping I would see you soon.
Everyday I don’t see you, my body gets weaker.
I ache for your gentle, loving touch.
At our compassionate moments, I love how you watch my every move.
You look and listen with curious eyes and ears.
If I pull away from you, you tenderly reach out for me again.
You’re so light to the touch and so strong to the love
In that moment, when I love you, I can hear my heart
beating louder, my pulse thriving faster.
My body jerks with excitement, my heart racing.
My hands grip the cover; my mouth open, releasing silent screams; the pain
of my teeth pinching my lips; my nails scarring your back with the
torturing pleasure of your body slowly grinding, my body screams your
Then suddenly, …… it’s my turn!!
Your heart strengthens me.
You let me know you care for me.
You say my name so lovingly.
Lust is nowhere in your soul.
We silently slow down to let our bodies return to life.
Our hearts are beating and our minds are learning.
Our thoughts return to the universe, because they explored away.
They reached out to the heavens having a single moment of happiness.
We lay there, looking at each other.
Although our mouths say nothing, our bodies are steadily conversing.
Our lips reach out, touching each other.
Our bodies are relaxing, cooling off.
We’ve been dripping sweat, now we thirst to quench our dry mouths.
Your eyes look at me; calm and peaceful.
I find tranquility in your peaceful presence.
My body is getting sore; my leg muscles tight.
Your arms are getting weaker, your back burning.
Our bodies tingling; relaxing as one.
~My Love Forever Remains~
I fight with my family for you.
My mom hates my love for you.
My father makes me feel as if I’m sinning to love you.
~I Don’t Care~
My love for you is like a thousand burning candles, wind will not blow
Angels could sing the glory of our love.
When I hug you, I never want to let go.
I love it when you grip me; you let me know that you can’t let go either.
Being with you thrills me.
Like a rollercoaster ride, we have our highs and lows.
My body is being drained at this very moment.
I’m not with you and I’m not hearing your voice so I’m losing energy.
Just looking at you would redeem my soul.
Hearing you say ‘I Love You, Amanda.’ gives me hope that the day
will be good.
Thinking of you just eats my body up inside.
I think of fights, arguments; violence.
There are times of happiness, glory, and mad love.
Moments of jealousy and revenge.
When I wake up and see your face, I feel as if nothing could
bring me down.
Your mere presence relives my soul of pain.
Your stubbornness presses me to move forward.
The silent guilt of your voice lets me know you are shameful.
You are my best friend.
I trust you with everything I know.
I love talking dirty to you.
I walk around at night wondering what you’re thinking.
I’d do anything to be alone with you.
Even though I wasn’t a virgin before I met you, I feel as if
you were my first.
I’m relaxed when I’m around you.
I could stay in the room grinding with you all night.
I’ve fell in love again, something I said I’d never do.
But never say never.
I love how our bodies work together.
You helped me destruct this wall around my heart.
~I Love You So Much! ! !~
You’re my best friend.
I’ve always been able to count on you.
I met you and I fell in love.
The warmth in your eyes makes me feel at home.
You are my sanctuary.
I could love nobody else.
You always have faith in me.
I can call you when I’m having a bad day.
Sometimes your touch still makes me nervous.
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
You are the ONLY one I can rely on.
Every time I get near you, I fall in love again.
By the way you say my name, I can tell you deeply care
I thought I’d never find TRUE LOVE again.
But all that changed when I met you.
You make me feel glorious and victorious.
A very wise person once told me that ‘BYE” means forever;
therefore, I tell you ‘Goodbye For Now, But Not
Forever, My Dearly Beloved….
|huh? what do i do now?
|ok, ok, so what i was going out with him get over it! |
you were just jealous because i didnt give you another chance.
why are you trying to force a love that wasnt meant to be?
im not happy with you!
if you really cared about me, you would hear me screaming for you to let me out of your threshold.
you hold me in contempt like an animal in a cage.
why must you condemn me so?
you cause me pain and confusion.
i dont know whether or not to hide or to stand up to you.
my heart is strong for him, my body is weak for you.
what do i do?
i dont love you; im happy with him.
he needs me; i need him.
you want me; i still want you a little bit.
i still love you enough to care about what happens to you,
hes always cared for me, even when you didnt.
see my confusion?
see my heartaches?
or do you care?
personally, . . . . i dont anymore.
run off a cliff, perish your soul, curse mine; but as long as
im not with you, i will always be held in his everlasting love.
goodbye for now, and hopefully forever. leave me to rip with him, please.
|ugh, just git it over with!!!
|well, i have a headache, and i have to sit here at the library til my mother gets off work. it is SO boring here and these kids are running around here screaming. my head already hurts. right, this is a library and kids are SCREAMING thats just fucked up! well, i was just being bored and wishing i could ride the bus home again!!|
|this day sucks
|today is valentine day and i hate this day!!! this day has never been good to me. right now im fighting with my boyfriend and im SO close to committing suicide. THIS DAY JUST FUCKING SUCKS!!!|