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Hope and Die.
Jennifer's Body
09/30/09 at 04:04 PM by madhopes
I have to say something about this movie. Because it's my new obsession XD. Even if it wasn't THAT good. Okay... not at all. Anyway there are 2 reasons I wanted to see this movie: it seemed funny. and MEGAN FOX. lol of course. both I wasn't disappointed. This movie is like trying to be scary but really isn't it. All the time you just laugh at how the main character is dumb, and all the silly lines Jennifer says. Like the thing about Hannah Montana. :)
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Read This.
09/27/09 at 05:02 PM by madhopes
I was looking at the forum and something caught my eyes. A thread named Heroin... turned out it has been started by a 12 year old who's dumb enough to think he can joke around about things like heroin... Heroin or any other drugs aren't funny. At ALL. If you know someone who has been using; you know what I mean. It can fuck your life so much... The worse is that you don't realize it until you lose everything. And even when you do lose everything; you just want to forget more and so you use more... But this thread also reminded me of a thing I've read a while ago named "Ode to Heroin" I thought it was really touching, and it makes you have compassion for the people using. Make you realize that you need to stick with them if you want them to get through what they're getting through. There is a quote that says; "Don't judge a book by its cover." I think it's the same with the people. So here's the text (it might look long, but believe me it's worth reading, if you just know ONE person that is affected by any drugs);

"Ode to Heroin

I'm told it's a high like no other. One that makes you feel better than you could ever have imagined. Didn't they ever tell you that if something is too good it's no good? And so you're off on the run � always chasing that feeling of your first high.

A viscious cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows, doped up and dope sick becomes your all consuming daily routine. It holds you in its grip and motivates you to lie, cheat and steal and it doesn't matter where you turn or how far you run. And every time you try to break free and fail- the future looks less and less attractive every day.

You've seen your mother cry one too many times and the pain and hopeless look in the eyes of your father. You know they adore you and are still proud to call you son � despite the bad turn your life has taken.

They would do anything to fix things for you or to take away your pain. They don't hate you or love you any less for the way your life has turned out or the way you have turned their lives upside down or the things you have done for the drug.

They know it's not you they are dealing with anymore � it's Heroin. They've tried to help you battle the demon. But it's bigger than them and stronger than them. But they'll never give up on you � because their hearts ache to see the boy they used to know and they would do anything to get him back.

But Heroin renders you powerless and defenseless. And after all the bad you do and pain you cause and shame you feel � before long you don't even remember the man you once were. You look in the mirror and see the junkie waste of life you think you have become and you hate yourself for it. And you wonder how these people can continue to care after all you've put them through. So you hate yourself even more but you still get high because eventually Heroin convinces you not to care about anything else but your next fix and you'll do anything to get it. Day after day you'll choose Heroin over your parents, brothers, sisters, friends and girlfriend. You'll choose it over yourself.

You'll stop every once in awhile and wonder how you ever got to this point. You'll realize that your life has gone to hell. You'll see just how low you'll stoop to keep Heroin in your life. And some day you might even stoop so low or push your family too far or shock yourself with just what you'll do to keep up your habit. And the person you once were � the kind hearted caring and loving person who lies powerless within you just waiting and fighting to come back speaks up and says � ENOUGH.

And then you decide to say good bye to your old friend Heroin. You realize you miss the person you used to be and are willing to fight the monster to become that person again. But there's a problem. Heroin doesn't let you walk away without a fight. It shows you that you need it. It shows you how weak you are without it. It beats you down and makes you shake and moan in pain. It plays tricks on your mind and despite your desire to end this relationship � it does everything in its power to get you to come crawling back. And just getting through the physical withdrawals doesn't mean the worst part is over. It's the day to day, minute to minute, second to second struggle to stay clean and deal with life without drugs that is the real battle. Some line up at clinics each morning, made to feel like a second class citizen to get a dose of methadone that helps them lead a normal life. Others find the answer in AA or NA, and for some detox programs work. Suboxone has proved promising but so many are using it wrong as a way to still dabble when they want to. The hardest part is that there's no easy fix to get clean and it's even harder to stay clean and the statistics don't paint a pretty picture. So even the most determined and strong minded person quickly realizes that the life they dreamed of, a life without drugs isn't the easy street that they had imagined. In fact it's harder to get through each day than keeping up a habit was.

And so many people do crawl back and Heroin makes you feel instantly better and takes you by the balls again. And it grows stronger because it has convinced the junkie that he can't do it. Some people are more determined and keep walking away only to be pulled back in. Then they think it's useless to try. They don't think they can make it past the pain and can't see an end to the misery. So they stop trying to be the man they once were. They begin to resent him and all of the people who love him. Because they only remind him of the pain he has caused them. They make him want to get help and get better and he doesn't believe it to be possible.

So often he withdraws from his friends or they give up on him. But the friends that stay and the family that continues to hope and pray and help and suffer � he can't stand what he's putting them through. He lashes out at them. He steals from them. He lies to them and uses them to get what he needs. And they stay strong and are willing to fight to save him because there is no limit to their love. But he has only one love, one friend, one family � Heroin.

But they still hold on and hope. Maybe the next detox will work. Maybe God will answer their prayers for him. They tell him they know what he is going through � but he tells them they're wrong. They could never know what he is going through. He is angered by their claim that they can understand and feel his pain. He feels totally alone and helpless.

But they are right to say they know how he feels or can imagine his pain. Because they too have broken hearts and broken dreams. They have lost someone they love � he's close enough to touch but they know they might not ever get there.

But his addiction makes him arrogant and self centered to claim he is alone in his pain and nobody could understand what he is going through. He has Heroin. The people who love and care for him, the people who pray that he will get help and break free from the monster � they live and breathe his pain and suffering every day. They grieve for a loved one who walks, sleeps and breathes but in essence is dead already. But unlike him they only get to share his lows. They do not have the luxury of his euphoric highs that help him survive and escape reality.

Some can take only so much and can't bear to sit by helpless and witness him kill himself slowly and they cut ties. They still pray and worry and cry themselves to sleep feeling powerless. Others get angry and though the love they feel will never go away � they hate the monster and walk out of their lives because they have to in order to protect themselves. Because it is torture to watch the junkie take over and call the shots knowing that there is nothing they can do to stop and no way for them to reach the person they once knew.

Others enable them to continue because they can't stand to see the wrenching pain that comes form being dope sick. And they try to help them be comfortable until they find the strength and a way to win the battle.

Heroin takes over completely eventually and those of us who have had family, friends or loved ones who have seen the drug take over handle it in many different ways. We pretend it's not happening. We walk around in a state of denial or shock until we are forced to face it. Then we walk around in a state of anger, fear or helplessness. We feel shame and wonder how we could have let it get this far or happen at all for that matter.

We feel totally alone and live life walking on egg shells. We hope for the best but begin to dread the worst. We wait for the phone call telling us about an arrest, an overdose or a suicide. And the addict prays for the strength to stop the pain and get well but feels like they're fighting a never ending battle that can't be won. Some addicts think that an overdose might be a blessing in disguise to those who love them. Some take their own lives thinking that is the answer.

Others continue to use and pretend not to care. But those of us who love them no matter what � our addiction to hope is stronger than their addiction to dope. And so we hold on and hope that they will find their way. And we accept that we have no control over their addiction to Heroin. Some of us realize this slowly � others over time � still some will never see this. If they could only see that we would live through this never ending nightmare forever if it meant we could have them back for just one more day. If they could only see into our hearts and source some strength from us. If only our love was enough. But it's not.

In the end they need to stand up to Heroin on their own and prove to themselves what each of us believe deep in our hearts - that they are somehow still stronger than the monster. They are more than the junkie they see in the mirror each morning. They are our son, our brother, our sister, our mother, our father, our boyfriend our girlfriend and our friends. And though they don't recognize the person they used to be � we still see that person. We still envision a future filled with brighter days. We still wait for the day that they walk back into our lives and this nightmare we live becomes nothing more than a distant memory.

Until then remember that you are loved, you are strong and you can beat this."
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Lately, =D
07/14/09 at 01:49 PM by madhopes
Lately, I've been to the Vans Warped Tour at Montreal, and it was pretty amazing even if it was raining all day long. I also went see Gym Class Heroes and Silverstein yesterday. Both bands were nice, but Gym Class Heroes did a better performance. It rained a little too there. (it was at Ottawa for the Bluesfest).
At the Warped Tour I saw; Chiodos, Underoath, 3OH!3, Saosin, Escape the Fate, Breathe Carolina, A Rocket to the Moon, Brokencyde, The White Tie Affair, Monty Are I, The Maine, NOFX, A Day to Remember, Alexisonfire & Sing It Loud.
My favourites were: The Maine & 3OH!3 I think. I also liked The White Tie Affair.
I will definetely go next year. =D
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06/03/09 at 01:04 PM by madhopes
Right now, I'm... Happy I guess =).
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Nice week
05/02/09 at 08:57 AM by madhopes
Last week I saw AAR live and it was amazing =). This week I'm going to go see FOB, ATL, Metro Station, Hey Monday & Cobra Starship =). I'm also going to go see - probably - Atmosphere at Montreal or Ottawa (if it's all ages at Ottawa because it is at Montreal..) So yeah it's an exciting week that's coming =). Oh and Monday I don't have school, but my old school has so I'mma go see my friends there with my new friends at my new school. Yeah definitely a nice week that's coming... :D
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Shows I wanna go to =D
04/08/09 at 12:51 PM by madhopes
The All-American Rejects & Shiny Toy Guns - April 21st (Club Soda)

Fall Out Boy, All Time Low, Metro Station, Cobra Starship & Hey Monday - May 6th (CEPSUM)

Disturbed, All That Remains, Skindred - June 2nd (Scotiabank Place)

No Doubt, Paramore - June 17th (Centre Bell)
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What if...
03/29/09 at 06:04 PM by madhopes
What if I don't wanna forgive this time?
What if I'm tired of playing your little games?
What if I wanna be weak this time?
What if I ain't giving a damn this time?
What if it doesn't matter to me what happen now and then?
What if I don't know no more?
What if it's over for me?
What if I can't forget this time?
What if I want to leave?
What if I feel like dying here?
What if...
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03/23/09 at 09:40 AM by madhopes
Umm what can I say? I screw up everything I do. And this sucks.
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Life's good
03/22/09 at 12:23 PM by madhopes
I can tell myself as much as I want life's good, I don't totally believe it.
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03/21/09 at 04:52 PM by madhopes
Sometimes it don't matter how hard you try, how much you put in it, it just won't work out.
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03/17/09 at 06:21 PM by madhopes
What if, I could do more than you expect me to do?
What if, I'm better than you think I am?
What if, I deserve better than what you give me... nothing?
What if, I've made some mistakes... ?
What if, I'm only human?
What if, I can't save the world?
What if, I can't do everything I planned to do?
What if, I'm only me?

Would you, forgive me?
Would you, hate me?
Would you, stop talking to me?
Would you, think I'm worthless?
Would you, understand?
Would you, stop trying to change me?
Would you, let go?

I've tried my best, at everything I've done. Maybe it wasn't enough but at least I've tried and I put all my heart into it.
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I'm not sad.
03/16/09 at 02:56 PM by madhopes
I'm not pessimist, I'm just realistic.
I'm not sad, I'm just not happy.
I'm, everything people see me as.
I could be yours if you'd ask me.
I could give a damn.
I could make the right decisions if I'd wanted to.

I guess you're happier where you are now.
Know that, even though I didn't have the chance to know you a lot, I loved you a lot.
It makes me sad to see all the sad faces around me...
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03/15/09 at 11:06 AM by madhopes
Death, it's always haunting us. No matter where we go. It can always find us. We can't hide from death. We live in the shadow of the death. Death is... like life. It amazes us. We don't understand why it happens but it happens. Just like life. Facing death, it makes you realize how important life is. Even if it's not you that is facing death but someone you know...
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03/11/09 at 02:23 PM by madhopes
I like the weather right now, it's gloomy but I like it. I like it because... umm I don't know so many memories... but I don't like it at the same time because well so many memories.. talk about irony lol.. Also it means winter is almost over = no more snowboards -_-"..
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My life.
03/10/09 at 06:01 PM by madhopes
Well, this blog will talk about a lot of things... That includes what happens in my life that I think is important, well at least for me it is. Some things, change permenantely your life. That's the kind of things you want to talk about, but never know how to say it... I'm gonna tell you something; I believe in my dreams. I believe they have a meaning and as kitsch as it might seem every day, after I wake up, I analyze my dreams. I guess they're like my thoughts, deep down that sometimes awake I just refuse to believe in, refuse to think about. I'm just free when I dream, free of everything, my fears, everything. I'm not scared to think about anything. It's another world... I guess I'm a dreamer.... Sometimes illusion and lies are easier to bear... but they don't help you grow up... You're just not facing your fears, you're hiding...
Tags: life
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Last Updated: 09/30/09 (1,345 Views)
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