So hurt. Man I have the worst luck. Last night into today has just been a shit show. I can't fucking wait to be off work and have the weekend to just lay in bed and hide from the world. I haven't been this down in a while.
They only break your heart.
I miss things I shouldn't anymore. People I shouldn't.
It's been a while since I've written something.. Always with the lulls.
Ehh, lets see.
Started my new job. It's pretty awesome and close to where I live so I'm saving gas and all kinds of money now. Saving up for a house. I'm loving proving everyone wrong.
Have about 3/4th of my sleeve done. It's coming out amazing and next comes the lighthouse. Alex is killing it.
Saw The Maine and Lydia last night.. Both bands absolutely sounded awesome. Suprised at how much the Maine have changed since last time I saw them. I've kept up with all their music just funny cause I hadn't seen them in years.
Lydia was amazing as always. Can't believe it's been almost exactly two years since I saw them last..
The generals. Maybe I'll write a meaningful blog soon haha.
I need to fix my laptop, my car, and a myriad of other shit.
List of songs I'm currently loving.
Drake - Furthest Thing
Drake - Worst Behavior
Search the City - One Last Lullaby
Search the City - Get a Grip
The Maine - Forever Halloween
The Maine - HAPPY
Circa Survive - Close Your Eyes to See
Seahaven - Head In the Sand
Stages and Stereos - Even Tides
Everyone check out the new Stages EP called Small Town Favorites. Its on iTunes and it's awesome. Totally worth the 4/5 bucks. Do it.
They played my favorite song by them, "The Best of Me". I wasn't expecting it at all. It absolutely made my night and week.
Did something I never do yesterday. Saw the Used tonight, going to Wolf Creek to board tomorrow. And then on Monday I get my half sleeve colored in.
Oh yeah I don't think I mentioned that yet or posted about it. I'm getting a 3/4 sleeve. I already have half of it outlined and am getting the rest colored on Monday. Then setup more appts. It's a process but I can't wait till it's done. It means a lot to me.. It represents a lot of stuff that's changed me and made me who I am and was.
I must say things are alright right now. Having a great week and after getting that new job. Good vibes and directions. I'm stoked for what's coming for once in a long while.
Lots happened but I just want to actually get some thoughts out about my job and current situation.
So I've worked at Pres for 6 years almost 7 [in October]. It's a hospital if you're curious. I've always been a lax person, laid back and maybe even a little lazy. But that's only on my own time. When it comes to my work, job, profession I bust my ass. And in the last year it's come to pay me back. I'm so grateful and blessed especially in this day and economy. I started at the gift shop transferred to the front desk. Made my way to Health Records which is a greatly expanding department. Put the last three and a half years in there and moved up two positions in the last year. All from hardwork.
I've made a great foundation with my managers/bosses and continue to prove I'm a valuable asset to pres and my department. So much so that she offered me another position last week. If I accept which I am it will literally double my salary. Ill be making 50k with out a college degree.
I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself and I know my parents are. I hate money and when people talk about salaries and all that cause life is a lot more than status and money, but the fact that my hardwork got me in this position within 6 short years is where I'm most proud of.
I always give my best and expect it in return. I'm finishing up my degree slowly but surely. I just wanted to share my current situation and give a big middle finger to everyone who doubted me. The key to success is being a hardworker. You get out what you put in and being a good decent person. I'm not saint, but when it comes to work I'm professional and get things done.
I wish I could have a script of what my manager said to me and her praises cause that was enough to make me ecstatic.
I can't even believe it. 50k a year job with no degree. Eat your heart out. I'll always do what I have to.
Well I'm tired of that shit. I say what I say cause I can.
Why are you so interested in what I have to say or tweet?! I mind my own business so you should do the same. Especially cause nothing I do concerns you. I shouldn't say things. I get it, but you look just as bad looking and answering back to my tweets... You care that much about what I have to say. I'm just a scorned ex-lover, right...? You must realize how much we meant to one another if its got you that shook mang. You won! You have her. Congrats. Yeah I care about her and I'm sure what I say doesn't do anything to help my case but the fact I'm under your skin so bad and we've never even met.. That says something. The fact she agreed she wasn't as happy as she could be with you. Along with so much other stuff you don't know. So yes my "friend" you are a replacement. Makes no never mind to me if you believe it or not. It's just a fact. You were in the right place at the right time.
I feel like for the first time in a long time I can breath. It feels alright. Sucks but doesn't.
I have this amazing girl right in front of me and she has been. I think it's finally time to just be okay. No more worrying, even caring and just do my thing.
I always post a Christmas blog and I guess this is it. So stoked for what's coming up. Next week is New Years and ill have completed my resolution. Year without soda. I'm pretty proud of myself. Not many people can or do follow through and finish. Also haven't had fb in a year plus now, not missing that shit either.
Also my 24th bday is the 3rd. So ready to be 24 and leave this horrible year behind. Blink was right when they said no one likes you when you're 23. Haha
Get my sleeve on the 29th and a touch up on the 21st for my chest.
Bunch of awesome concerts coming up. The Used, Pierce and Memphis, Silverstein
I have a lot to be grateful and excited for.
Here's to learning and living. And a better year. 2013
Pierce the Veil - "The First Punch"
Ps. If you're reading this Zach, which you shouldn't be. Fuck you. You'll never have her heart like I did. You'll never know her like I did. Dueces.
I'm such a sucker for ballads, love songs. Anything gorgeous and slow. I've loved them forever. For a guy I love some emotional stuff. It's the passion for music and how it can describe how you're feeling with any combination of words. But to me it's all about the melody. All my favorite songs are slower acoustic or piano ballads.
I've said it before I love all music jazz, rock, classical and even country. Which brings me to why I'm writing this.
Driving home I just heard a new Rascal Flatts song on the radio. Yes, Rascal Flatts. They're like the boy band of country pop. But you have to admit they have some awesome ass, emotional songs. I can relate with a lot of them. It's been a while since I've heard anything by them but this one like many others caught my ear instantly. It's called "Come Wake Me Up"
I love when a song is presented to me right when I need it or should be hearing.
It's been a year.. a long year. A difficult, but good year. A lot has changed which is to be expected. But I tried to make a conscious effort to better myself for me and for others around me.
This time last year I was honestly a wreck and up to this point I can't lie I'd slowly been trying, climbing, doing anything to get out of this whole I had dug myself. I feel like I've emerged from one of the worst places I'd ever been in my life a better person. I'm no saint and don't claim to be. I know my faults and my failures, but I've accepted them and have been learning from them.
Figured out what I need to do to be better. To fix what was wrong. I set myself some goals and changed a lot of the things I knew that weren't me. Found a better me. I still have a ways to go, but you have to start somewhere.
Haven't had a soda since Jan 1st, lost 25 pounds since this time last year. Have been paying off all my bills and just getting my life in order. Got two raises and a promotion within the last year from working full time and my ass off. I can say I'm pretty proud of those accomplishments.
If I say I'm gonna do it, i'll do it. I've become more reliable for others and myself. I just feel like even tho losing my grandpa and someone who was really close to me this year helped me grow a lot. Even with my grandfather gone he's still helping me become me. Always pushing me to be better.
Positivity and love.
I'm still human. I feel hurt and feel happy. It hasn't been a whole year of great things and changes. I mean you gotta fall first before you can get back up. A lot of things I'd love to change and fix about this past year, but I'm still rolling. Planning on losing more weight and finishing out my new years resolution. Will be a cool thing to say I've done. Seems like not many people actually finish a New Years resolution.
In recent activity.
Just got back from Denver with my friends. Remind me to never go on a trip with Delila again... I'm surprised I didn't go insane.. in four days. All I can say is wow. Had a great time seeing Pierce, Sleeping and Tonight Alive, but damn. Too much stress. I ain't about that life anymore haha.
Also, recently I've gotten another tattoo. So I'm up to three haha. Chest, back and side. Came out perfect. Couldn't have asked for a better piece. Now I'm setting up my arm appt. this week. Gonna get a huge owl and clock half sleeve for my grandpa which also has some other meanings to it, but I wont get into those. I'm addicted even more than I was before. But this next arm piece is going to be awesome. I can't wait. I'll have to post a picture when it's done.
I haven't updated as much as I usually do and I know I'm forgetting and missing a lot of stuff I wanted to say.
But the jist was that I'm glad I've grown. Even if it is a little at a time. It means a lot when people recognize my progress. I've learned people need to speak more, feel more, show more love. Ever since I have been everything's a little bit better.
I'm sure I'll come back and edit this whole blog cause it is a cluster fuck of ideas.. So I leave you with some lyrics I'm contemplating adding to my sleeve at some point. They hit me when I needed it most and really helped me.
"These bones are only temporary..
I can't say
The past will never get in the way.
Just remember, all things come and go,
But they don't mean a thing.
It's not about what you have now,
It's what you have in store... LET GO"
thimble on my chest, right above my heart..
It's funny to me that I tell people what my tattoos mean, but I know only about two/three people actually know what they mean to me with out even saying a word, what they truly represent..
Finally got to listen to Close the Distance. Loved everything they've done up to this point.
Then they go and make this song (I Won't Lie). Possibly topping Goodnight Mood as best Go Radio song ever.
Yet it's perfect to me because it was everything I couldn't say and wanted to. In a song. It's rare that songs do or fit with something so perfectly. Jason pretty much belts out my heart. I can't get over his voice and the way he meant every word for me. The acoustic version from iTunes is possibly even better.. It's insane. Haven't felt emotional from listening to a song in a long time. It was weird. I wasn't expecting it. It's that good.
So thank you for writing this song. It resonates a lot with me. In so many ways. These guys should be and hopefully will be huge.
If you haven't heard it give it a listen. That song. The whole album. Definitely going to be top albums not only just of this year. I got that song at the right time.
Music is everything to me. I couldn't survive without it. Definitely.
Can't really explain how excited I am for the new Go Radio album. Been looking forward to it for quite some time. It's been my most anticipated of the year and will probably be in the top 3 of my AOTY list.
Especially after everything I've heard about it. It's gonna blow Lucky Street away I feel. The album they were meant to make. I mean the two singles are already top notch and from what I've heard aren't even the best tracks.. This is gonna be a perfect fall album. Perfect timing. Pretty much everything I needed right now. Two weeks needs to pass a lot faster.
Enjoy. And check em out if you haven't. This band should be top 40 radio.
"And let me make this crystal clear"
I've followed this band since they formed. Have Welcome to Life signed. Jason just sings my heart haha. Perfect.