Someone that means so much to me. Taught me so many things. When I need one person to help me lose another. I have so much going on inside. Something you don't want to accept. I've only known him all 23 years of my life. My thoughts don't even make sense. I've never had to lose someone to death. Feeling so helpless because I can't do anything.
My favorite memory was when I was younger and he'd make me and my sister ice cream. Always with sprinkles in the shape of a smiley face. Gave me puzzles and brain teasers all the time. Chess. Farkle. He's an amazing person in every sense of the word. So much love.
I'm not good at letting people go.
The day I got shot the first thing I asked for was my grandparents.
He'd always tell us "Remember I love you"
Him grabbing my hand. Having to leave the room with my sister and he didn't want us to go..that broke my heart.
I love you grandpa and I'm always going to miss you. You're one of the biggest parts of me. The reason I have what I do on my side. The reason I love so much and so big.
The last thing I told him was, "Remember I love you grandpa"
haha I know that I'm such a sap. My friend Katia and I watched a movie called Country Strong the other day. Never wanted to watch it before, but we did. It was actually really good. And there was this song in it called "Give Into Me" sung by the actors which I was really surprised by. It's a really good song. And I have been in a country mood a lot lately. But yeah it's good.. I'm loving this song.
Makes me think..
It's kind of crazy. Nobody knows I have this that I know. I've only ever told one person.. None of my friends. Even tho I write so much and people could read this it still feels private because I don't know anyone who reads it and I don't care of their opinions. They don't know me so they can only read.. Except for one. The only person that knows this is like a window. Kind of scary. But I'm pretty sure only random people read this anymore.
Ever since I was young your word is the word that always won.
Worry and wake the ones you love.
A phone call I'd rather not receive.
Please use my body while I sleep.
My lungs are fresh and yours to keep,
kept clean and they will let you breathe.
Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.
Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around,
I'm not writing my goodbyes.
I submit no excuse.
If this is what I have to do
I owe you every day I wake.
If I could I would shrink myself,
and sink through your skin to your blood cells,
and remove whatever makes you hurt but
I am too weak to be your cure.
Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.
Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around,
I'm not writing my goodbyes.
I'm not letting you check out.
You will beat this starting now
and you will always be around.
I'm there to monitor your breathing
I will watch you while you're sleeping.
I will keep you safe and sound.
Does anybody remember back when you were very young?
Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?
Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around,
I'm not writing my goodbyes.
The things Katia and I talk about. It's so ridiculous, but then again it's like that with Rob too haha. Just so dirty and vulgar. I don't think most people would understand our humor and such. It's pretty awesome and hilarious though. I love making them laugh. I guess I just love making people laugh and smile. Probably one of my favorite things to do.
Talked a lot about stuff tonight. Life and such. About my situation.. At least she made me feel better about it haha. Actually, a few people have. It may be a little childish, but who cares. It's the truth and it made me feel better. I'm glad they see it too. He kinda resembles me, just the uglier version of me and obviously too tall for her. It's kind of ridic. Hey I can have my own opinion and back. Trying to be a replacement, but nothing will ever replace me or what we had. It's the truth and I think a part of her knows that. I'm sorry but I needed confidence and I have it finally. Gotta feel good about myself. Lost all kinds of weight. Getting in shape and doing what I can.
Hmm I wasn't gonna go to Warped Tour this year, but I just may because they line up is getting better and better and they haven't even announced the headliner(s) yet.
Might change my twitter handle to _olgreeneyes or something of that nature haha. Play on Ol' Blue Eyes aka Frank Sinatra. Love me some Sinatra. He was a bad ass if there ever was one. Ladies man.
I know there was something more I was leaving out.
“We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Haha I'll always remember that. Whenever I'd go over all I hear is my little buddy yelling "Peter pans here!" haha I love that kid. I'll never forget the look on his face when I gave him those cars and nerf guns. He loved me haha. Was always so stoked when I came over.
Looking at old pictures was a bad idea.. I was in a different frame of mind and let's just say I didn't lose any attraction towards her.. Sounds bad. I need to take an ice bath hahaha. Bull for sure. Oh the crazy things that I must not talk about that I would do ahahaha. Too pretty and too sexy... haha Just sayin, I can't help it. Immediately attracted. I need to cool off haha. "So fine" sung like an RnB group haha. Just something else I miss.
On a not so dirty note the new The Audition comes out tomorrow, but I have gladly already heard it and it is awesome. Seriously, it is so damn good. Only one listen and I'm so surprised. I haven't been stoked on new music in a while and I absouutely love The Audition. I'm super shocked because I didn't think this was gonna be this good. Check it out.
Mayday on Thursday and them in March. Can't wait.
Adam
EDIT: Can't believe how good this Ep is. "You Gotta Believe" damn. And Silverstein's new songs "Brooksfield" and "One Last Dance" They're like minutes long, but still way awesome.
I hate when people judge on your past mistakes. They don't know me nor the situation(s) I have been in. You only hear half the story. You have no idea who I am or what I've been through. How I act or feel so reserve that judgment until I show you. This is for anyone. Friends, new people. Everyone. It sucks when you have the odds stacked against you and everyone else isn't there to help but I always will defy the odds and prove them wrong.
You think you know the truth but you don't. I'm open I'll tell most people anything if they ask. I have nothing to hide. I'm friendly and honest.
Sorry that was my rant about people in general.
Im a lot more than others know.
Edit: it's like looking into a mirror. Yeesh :/ It sucks and I'm sad for her. I know how katia feels. In one respect.
I love music. What this site is all about.The reason I joined. Granted it is geared towards a certain genre and demographic. Gladly I grew up loving everything from country to blues. Rap, old school rock, 80's, jazz, classical. Everything. It sucks about Whitney. Loved her cause of my mom. How Will I Know is probably my favorite song by her.
Watching the Grammys.. Just making me think a lot. Idk why. I think it's the music and songs. I wish I could write it out but I guess it's better kept in my head. I mean I'm always thinking but this just got me thinking a lot. Been two weeks..
Just a long sigh. Too much going on. If you only knew what was going on in my head and my heart. I wish I could tell you. Like I told you everything. My best friend, more than that. I can only confide in Jacob and Katia so much. I don't know. I'm a fool.
Aye aye I've been doing so good. Get back on track.. Hmm I love my new tattoo everyone seems to like it a lot. I might add to it. Would be awesome.
Was looking at pictures from about six months ago or so.. Holy fuck I got fat haha. I'm so glad I lost weight and still am. Getting skinny and fit again. Lost 40 pounds which I think is awesome. I'm super stoked about that. Keep it going. Just sucks cause I haven't been able to do anything since I got it.
Super stoked for Mayday Parade on Thursday. Should be a grand old time like we use to have back in the day. All drunk and getting crazy. Might go see The Vow on Tuesday with Katia haha. Since we have nothing better to do.
I'm sure there is a lot more I need to get out, but I guess this is it for now.
Adam
Stages and Stereos - "We All Make Mistakes"
Edit: Man Jacob is just stepping in it hard lately. Just pulling dick moves left and right haha. I can't believe Katia puts up with it, come to think of it I'm surprised I do sometimes. But he is my best friend. So thick and thin. I try to help and tell him and push him in the right direction, but he's the type who does the exact opposite of what he should be doing.
I just need to listen to Journey.. It always seems to help. I just hope one day we can sit and talk. Maybe she'd understand then.
Always having to look after my friends and others. I always have to be the responsible one. That's why I dont drink some times. I'm always having to babysit and keep people in check. Because they don't know how to. It's old. I've been doing this since I was 16. I'm tired of worrying about everyone else when most couldn't give a shit about me. Most wouldn't do half the things I do for them. It's not just drinking either.
I've been really listening to a lot of music lately. Saw that Lydia might come again with The Maine.. That would be awesome.
Ever have those songs that you put on repeat? I don't usually, but lately I found one.
"Safe and Sound In Phone Lines" by A Change of Pace. Such good songs.
I'm really stoked for their new stuff.
Can't wait to graduate. I have a job already offered to me being a Director of Human Resources when I graduate. But I don't know it's an awesome job and stuff. But I guess we will see. I don't usually talk to people to much about that stuff. I don't always like to be serious I'm 23. I'm a goof and I know I should tell people more stuff. I have my shit together I guess they just need to see that too. Something Jacob told me the other day made me think. He said, "I learn new stuff about you all the time" I think it's cool to surprise people. Make them see sides of you they didn't know you had or seen yet and sadly hid.. I just would rather make someone laugh than talk about growing up sometimes. We are all doing it haha. I do care about that and I should show it more.
It's awesome because ever since I started proof reading his papers he's gotten the best grades he's gotten on papers haha. I feel good about that. Don't look at this blog as any indication of my writing abilities.
Another note I feel so bad about last night. Went to La Cumbre and had to many beers and told someone something I shouldn't have. I didn't do it maliciously. It just seemed like something they should know.. I shouldn't have told. It wasn't my place.
Either it's the uncomfortable sleeping or something that's making me have some crazy ass dreams lately. So trippy. Waking up at 7 again all wide awake. Sucks. Especially after these random and I mean random ass dreams haha. Some of it makes sense then it completely throws me off.
I hate work. It gives me way too much time to think. I need to be doing things.
Making shrimp scampy tonight. Learning how to cook more so hopefully it comes out good.
I never realized how funny looney tunes was until now. I think my favorite is the orchestra one or the stupid vulture. I can't believe I never really watched these when I was younger. I guess I watched more Disney than Looney Tunes haha. Random I know.
Adam
Edit: It's so funny to me how much we rubbed off on one another. It's kind of nuts. If you sat back and looked at the way we talk with people even. It's awesome, I think. To think you had that much of an affect on someone you love. She had just as much on me. Just an observation
Tomorrow at 3 :-X oh man it's here and I'm scurried lol it's gonna be awesome.
Wow. I can't believe how much that makes sense. How that hit me. "when it's real it doesn't go away" it hasn't and it doesn't seem to be.. How can something so wise be so young. Dropping all kinds of knowledge on my ass. Making me think. Yet I know she still does. It's real.
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