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|EmiiAnnx3's Photo Blog
|i am a loser. i have no friends, well..i do have some.|
i just wish i was out-going.
i wish i could break my shell and just TALK to people. there are so many things i want to do and some many people i want to be friends with, i just CAN'T.
and i don't get why!
i try, and i try..i just can't..
i look at myself, and all i can think is, "what on earth could anyone see in me?"
i'm pretty much anorexic. you can see my bones, and my veins, without me sucking my tummy in.
i eat, but i always feel fat.
i don't really have any physical attractive features. i mean, i don't have a big butt or like frigin huge boobs.
i'm just tiny and weird looking.
i have glasses, and my teeth don't look quite right.
i'm short, i feel fat. i always hurt in some way.
oh, and did i mention i'm more than likely going to be stuck alone?
everyone breaks up with me because i won't have sex with them..and it sucks.
i can't even hang on my best friend because her boyfriend gets mad at her.
what else am i supposed to do?! i have NO ONE..and i can't even sit on my best friends lap?
am i really that horrible..?
yeah, so i guess i'll just be a loner..
|rid of me.
|i know i'm not happy, i don't need you to tell me to stop frowning. |
it's not that i don't want to smile, i just can't. no one realizes how dead i feel inside.(after everything thats happened) i find no point in trying to find happiness when i know the only happiness i have..(it's in you). but, i don't have you anymore. you're not mine to hold, not mine to love.
this was by far the worst decision of my life. i want you, i need you. i wish..(that everyone else could see).
it's not as simple as getting over you. no, that's far from simple. how could i just get rid of a big part of my life?
because getting rid of you would mean getting rid of the.
|People tell me Iím pretty,|
Perfect, quiet girl,
Always does what she is told and does it to the fullest potential.
Smart, likes to read.
Respects adults, and gets their respect back.
But, Iím not the girl you think I am.
Far from beautiful, far from pure.
These thoughts I think,
The way I am,
Behind closed doors?:
I breakdown to frequently,
Let people in to quickly.
I guess Iím just a talented actor.
Because the girl you see,
She isnít me.
No feeling, no emotion.
Just a blank space.
I dont know what to call this,
This state of being.
When you don't know how to feel,
You don't really feel there.
|I donít trust myself,|
I make the worst decisions,
My thoughts are worthless.
Iím too indecisive,
Iím so trapped inside my mind!
Absolutely no one knows what Iím really like,
Not a soul.
The me inside,
It would chase anyone away,
I just..i want this all to go away!
These demons I call thoughts,
They never go away or shut up.
I need help,
Why cant anyone just help me!
Get me out,
I cant help me!
|Iím on the verge of a break down,|
my mind is spinning out of control.
I feel nauseated,
Overwhelmed by my very being.
Short if breath,
My lips are wordless.
I donít really know what Iím feeling,
I need some help,
Cant someone see this?
Save me from this abyss,
I need to get out of my mind.
Give me my books,
I NEED TO ESCAPE!
Out of this life,
Out of my over-thinked world.
OUT OF ME.
|they confuse me.|
how could you like someone one moment,
and hate them the next?
and people, i could go on.
you feel in love,
while your just falling into lust.
dont know how theyre feeling,
but they still hold yu in their arms.
why do people do such things,
when we could just be straight-forward or to-the-point?
no beating around the bush,
or playing with people to be nice.
i want the truth,
i dont want these mixed emotions.
(save me from what i'm feeling)
note:the beginning doesn't make much sense,
i am fully aware.
|What is it;
|that feeling of love?|
having someone to call your own,
the person who makes you feel complete.
not being able to live without
some try to describe it,
others say its
i wish i knew it,
say i've experienced the truest of love.
i know the truth.
it isn't real.
you can say i'm lying,
and i truly hope i am.
but this is what i believe,
you can't change it