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corrupt_rocker's Journal
the radio plays what they want you to hear
03/25/06 at 09:42 AM by corrupt_rocker
i dont know what happens now...i regret yesterday..every single decision i made..well not everyone one..but quite enough of them. Joans dad lost his job,her mom was in a car accident luckily the car was the only thing damaged,her grandfather has to have surgery, an they might have to move cuz they might not have enough money to pay for the house. She was crying an me an steffany were holding her an letting her cry. I mean, Joan has the perfect life an then all this at once,even if i despise her she needs friends an i dont let anyone down even if they piss me off kindness is easy to give even when you dont get it back.I made a new cd yesterday an im listening to it right now i think its great but since no one around me likes the same music i do i guess i'll just enjoy it myself...it doesnt bother me though im proud to be different. It turns out me an Chi Chi (his names Chirag but chi chi is his nickname) are the only ones in the school without a myspace...i hate myspace i thinks it a conspiracy when your not tryin to advertise your band..but my friend paula is tryin to make me one an i said "hell no...thats a conspiracy" your probably wondering why i say that but in truth thats what i think of it...i feel like crap...an i dont want to talk to anyone cuz no one i hang out understands an since they dont understand they just ask questions which cause me to want to smack them for being annoying. Things can only get better from rock bottom right? For my dance recital we hav e to audition for part cuz were doin like 5 dances an everyone gets to be in at least 2 dances but it depends on how good we are on it an lucky me i have no where to practice an when i dont practice i fergit...an my memory bites..total bad combination...watever...things will work out themselves.
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Is kindness a talent?
03/21/06 at 03:17 PM by corrupt_rocker
..... this is what goes through my head...just endless nothings...heyy random question ..did u know that Shakespeare was gay or bi ? He was married to a lady but had feeling for a guy he was working with he even wrote a sonnet about. Yesh i know verrrry off topic...well there actually is no topic ..but...it was random. Anyways on Sunday i found out the Steffany an Stephen broke up..an i was freakin shocked it was unbelieveable i mean 11 months ending becuz Stephens mother disliked Steffany. I told Anthony an he laughed because he thinks that Stephen didnt want anything to do with her i understand that cuz he acted like it but he was actually pretty sad after it happen, which, i predicted would happen,an me and anthony made a bet on them breaking up soon an i thought it wasnt going to happen an he said it was going to happen soon,an he won,i owe him a penny..lol..I couldnt sleep cuz im soo freakin stressed i duno why so yesterday i tried to organize somethings and i did an i slept half of the night but the night before that was ,at the least, horrible. Joan and steffany...arrgh..always doing their own thing an include me when its something boring or unimportant. THEY SHOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IF THEY WANA DO THAT! alas, im still the loser, im not callin anyone this week cause i think it'll just mess up my "chi". I have yoga class tomorrow...cant wait...im serious that isnt sarcasm. Its relaxing an thats what i need..Im being as nice as possible to everyone around me no matter if they piss me off...they say what goes around comes around in that case something good might happen...hopefully.. anyways...yeah im bored out of my life..an no one will probably read this to tell the truth i dont expect you..either way i hope you have a nice life..
"The only thing in between me an happyness...is reality"
xoxo Corrupt_rocker
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"you just noticed i was ugly? i have to notice it everyday"
03/14/06 at 03:42 PM by corrupt_rocker
I want somethin to get me through this semi charmed kinda life..ahh i love that song. well today was pretty good to admit it..i got a new comment, i talked to my social studies teacher about bands like whitesnake,nirvana,metallica,soundg arden,pearl jam,greenday. he actually was backstage to a couple of those bands waaaay freakin kewl. it was weird...my class treats him like dirt by never payin attention to him but hes actually kewl once you get to know him..he started student government which i was in an now look what else he likes the same music i do! i love 90s music an so does he. yesterday sucked...anthony ...i started botherin him an then to stop me he was sayin all this crap an then he said " i dont love you" an i completey shut up. (this was over the phone)..an hes like "hello hello?" an my lips started shakin an i put my hand over my mouth to stop it but i just felt my lips shake even more so i hung up an about 1 minute later the phone rang an i picked it up an im like "hello?" an he said "yeah wat happened?" an i didnt say anything an hes like "hello?" an i didnt say anythin . u know how sumtimes u mumble yes an no ? like u say "mmhm" for yes an "uhuhnn" for no ? well thats all i was sayin he kept apologizing an i wanted to say something but i couldnt i couldnt speak i couldnt find the words an he kept apologizing an say "i didnt mean that... it was a joke" or" talk please! say something". or "you thought i ment that? of course not i love u" an i still wasnt sayin anything an then he tried to make me laugh i didnt EVEN SMILE. then i just said "i have to go bye"...so i was pissed my eyes turned red like as if i were about to cry but i held it in but this mornin on the bus i felt tears coming out of my eyes but the bus wasnt crowded an no one noticed..as if i was inconspicous..as if i were invisible like i wasnt even there..like, no loved me.:'(
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Mah frakin poem by me
03/13/06 at 03:25 PM by corrupt_rocker
this is the poem i made like 2 weeks ago...in math class...teeheehee..shows how much i pay attention right? anyways back to the poem , here it is. It doesnt have a title an its lame..enjoy!:\

hold your tears
release your fear
breathe in
breathe out
try your best not to pout
Let go of everything
allow the birds in your soul to sing
bite your lip till it bleeds
then bite the hand that feeds
put the tension in the sky
and ask a true friend "why ?"
a nightmare
a kiss
a horror
perfect bliss
fallen angels
rising devils
the world is finally coming to an end
The twists and turns of life
which must break to bend.
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"And the moral of the story is..?".."that your the loser, not me
03/10/06 at 04:16 PM by corrupt_rocker
have you ever noticed that the wise become wise from making mistakes? It took me a while but i realized that, i mean, your not born wise or knowing everything, you have to make mistakes ,mature,an learn lessons to become wise. Thats why its better to talk to an elder rather than those of your own age or a "few" years older. And did you ever realize that "learning from your mistakes" doesnt nessicarily(sp) mean that you wont make the mistake over again, its just mean this time your preety sure of whats guna happen. Well i gotta go imma bout to get yelled at for no frickin reason..so pe@ce out ..
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the picture i take of you before yur demise.dont 4get to smile!
03/08/06 at 04:47 PM by corrupt_rocker
heyy i hope evryones been good. wow thats preppy lol.. but um i found my cd player so that was awesome! an it cheered me up so much. i havent talked to anthony in 3 days an todey im not even guna bother to call him or stephen there both total idiots an its a waste of time tryin to actually talk to them. joan an steff are tryin to learn how to breakdance now oh wow HOW KEWL IS THAT!?!? oh...the sarcasm in that sentence. lol..i have nothing against breakdancing its madd kewl but when steffany and joan are trying it...its the end of the world lol in fact whenever joan an steff try to do sumthing its the end of the world..yeah theyre that bad! well im eatin ice cream an its far more important than this journal that never gets read or commented..so watev peace out
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FOR MY NEXT TRICK..allow me to burn
03/04/06 at 02:08 PM by corrupt_rocker
Ok now my life has reached the dead end. Last resort. finished.complete. Happiness? hah! thats funny. I LOST MY CD PLAYER! MY FREAKIN LIFE IS GONE!! how i lost it ...i have NO idea...i had my bros "The Bravery" cd in it. I felt so freakin bad cuz I JUST BOUGHT IT less than 2 weeks ago! an then i had to see stephen an a bunch of anthonys other friends ...that was THE last thing i needed. my grades ..went down..my life sunk on the last ship to "perfect land". i am soo out of this. i sat by the phone waitin for a call ANYONE to call...guess who called me? NO ONE well someone did but i didnt feel like pickin up the phone i was playin with my oh so old gameboy an thinkin about my cd player. 3 of my so called friends didnt give a crap that i lost my cd player cuz they get mad at me for ignoring them when i listen to it..i was just like "watever they can go to..." u know the rest. Andrew the "mustache guy" is askin out my homie diana who JUST turned 13 this yr an hes turnin 16 this yr..how frickin creepy ...its not the age difference but the guy is supposed to be in like his 2nd yr of highscool an shes in 7th grade. and plus he smokes..why is the world so corrupt? an when i went to ants house to give him the picture i hate i had to see all these people an they were talkin to me but i couldnt understand cuz i wasnt payin attention..i wish i had my cd player id be so much happier..but everything happens for a reason right?
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your right . i admit it. i have no life
03/01/06 at 04:54 PM by corrupt_rocker
things at this point suck but thats how its always been, nevertheless i wont show how much i hate everything. Im used to it , totally used to it. Steffany trusts me again even though that doesnt really mean anything besides more gossip to fill up my head it makes things a bit more interesting. Im not guna be a messenger an im not going to black mail anyone anymore,theres nothing to gain from it. Anthony moved which sucked but to admit its not all that bad because he didnt even leave the city lol he just moved downtown somewhere. What else is there? im forgetting something...i got to listen to the Bravery album because I got it for my brother for his birthday which was on the 27! Happy belated birthday bro! an in two weeks him an his best friend have a grapling tournament ! how exciting! im wishing them the best of luck and im going to go to support them. yay my first time ever seeing a tournament! llol...well what can i say? things are just going bad but im still going to try an be optimistic im tired of being sad all the time an im tired of everyone asking me if im ok..i should be enjoying the year! ITS MY LAST YEAR WITH THESE PEOPLE!! AN I LOVE THEM ALL! so anyone whos guna talk about me,make me feel like crap,or hurt me..doesnt concern me. Its my life an im guna do things my way.:* xoxo
corrupt_rocker
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what i dont understand is the unknown what i do understand remains a mystery
02/26/06 at 02:32 PM by corrupt_rocker
heyy everyone whos ever looked at my crap on a stick also known at my journal..i keep writing just becuz of all the comments i never get! lol..ignore me..this dieting thing is harder than i thought..im not like on a carb diet or crap like that theres this 3 day diet thing an i wana see if it works or not..this is one diet i can try cuz its time period is 3 days..so whatev..
ive been cleaning pretty much all day so im worn out but excited becuz i have drum class this week! i miss my teacher an his accent so much lol hes french an has a really strong accent but i find kewl an interesting but hey thats just me..if u want to see or learn about my drum teacher he has a website which is : julienaugier.com .:D ..anyway i havent talked to anthony since fridey..he probably didnt notice so im not all that concerned lol...but im so freakin alone ya know ?..its like i can be on the phone for hours..i can be at school an know almost everybody..i can be online...i can be in a middle of a conversation with a close friend of myne an still just feel alone..i dont understand an i gave up trying as long as my past stays in the past im all go0d..
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Shed some Light
02/24/06 at 06:47 PM by corrupt_rocker
wow..todey was...too much to handle..really..after school..which was crap..but um i mean afterschool was to much lol...after school i was walkin wit peter and we saw mustachio lol..thats this guy named andrew in my school..hes wat 15 ?with a full grown mustache ..ah the funnyness..but hes annoyin an rude so people crack on him including me but not a lot just general things..teeheehee..but we were walkin an then an ambulance passed by with that loud alarm an peters like "there comin for that thing on your face" to andrew an hes like "shut up" and then peters like 'oh sorry i ment your mustache" i was laughin so hard...an then me an peter kept walkin..an then andrew comes runnin back (we were on the block he lives an he was going inside his buildin an then he started runnin back) an then he sed sumthin an he said fat ass to me...an i was like go f*** your mustache an peter started laughin..no im not fat or anything ..well from what i hear from way to many ppl that i dont want to know is that i have a big butt or whatever..its not exactly sumthin i like talkin about...back to the point..i got to anthonys house..an i went into the building lobby an went up the first to staircases an then anthonys like "hi u wana come upstairs" an i felt like playin dum so i stood there an waved lol...an then i was goin upstairs and im like do u have batteries...an then i went into his apartment his lil sis was there watchin TV an she said hi an i sed hi...what a great convo right? lol so then me an anthony went to his room an he was lookin for batteries..an then he took them out of his cd player an he put them in his hand...can u guess what happened next? lol..no not that! u bad bad minded person! lol..well what happend was i spent 15 minutes tryin to take those batteries out of his hand..he got muscles an stuff so hes strong an i couldnt get those batteries! after about 45 he finally gave them to me...but while i was tryin to get the batteries..we did sumother stuff but hey i am goin out wit the guy but i have my self respect an boundries an we didnt cross any so not exactly a problem..overall it was fun even though his birds were watchin us the whole time an they scared me with their beaks..well pe@ce
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peanut butter an jelly (read if ya want)
02/15/06 at 02:24 PM by corrupt_rocker
weird title? i know...lol...sorry i laugh a lot..A LOT..its a favorite past time..not hyperness..laughing .. well im just sittin here watchin my guinea pig run around like a maniac..waitin fer my mom to come home so i can go to get my hair done..no not all fancy an girly like..i just need to get my hair dun for picture day (dun dun dun!!) i absolutley HATE pictures..does that stop me from ending up in them? no..but worth a shot i guess...my drum teacher went on a tour so i wont have lessons for the next two weeks so that bites ..but makes my schedule that much less complicated..ive been stressed out so much..i have a hard time just breathing..thats how bad it is right now..stephen an anthony both of them are so important but tend to make my life so dramatic when it comes to talkin to them..i mean yeah im sneaky but i know when to draw the line an i have a guilty concience for almost everything..stephen an steff as a couple need to figure things out im tired of ending up in the middle of theyre freakin arguments! Their arguments not mine i dont start things i cant finish..i've learned that one too meny times...arrgh..gettin worked up just thinkin about them two. Theyve been together for what 11 months..an for the last five months i've become an important factor in their relationship how? i'll never know...steff has just become a preppy pathetic girly girl...an she still calls herself a goth..i read your mind an i dont understand it either..this journal is all jumbled up.so dont try to understand just go on with your life an be as merry as u can for as long as u can cuz it can an will be gone as soon as u close your eyes..
sincerely,corrupt_rocker xoxo
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decisions ,decisions..they.suck. (please read an comment)
02/11/06 at 01:10 PM by corrupt_rocker
:\ heyy people...you can call me Leah. I'll tell you a bit about myself..im 14..i play the drums,im black polish an indian,my life bites,my friends i have a couple of close friends but a lot of aquaintences,im in a smart class (thats preety funny if u ask me),i have a pet guinea pig and a cat,i always have head phones on an i use them to ignore ppl which they continusly get mad at me for but that doesnt concern me realy lol. I hate preppy people,overly hyper people (its ok to be hyper once in a while but not evry single moment of your life it tends to get on peoples nerves even if they dont directly sey it to you) ,my life is full of drama..you'll hear about it later..but back to the point of this entry..as i said before i play the drums an i want to start a band..two of my friends have guitars one has an acoustic the other an electric..funny thing is they dont know how to play AT ALL...they got theyre guitars especially for this band were tryin to make an the one with the electric guitar wont bother takin lessons...an she plays the same strings evry single time she plays(lol it gets preety boring after about the 12th time)..an the other is preppy but thinks shes punk when shes listenin to kelly clarkson an ashlee simpson..she just started takin lessons so she doesnt rely know what shes doing yet ...but heres the funny thing theyre both tryin to learn another instrument on the side...they dont have priorities but i do..i was thinkin of just findin people that go to the same music place i go to cuz i think it would be fun meetin new people who actually know what theyre doing but i dont think i shud just ditch my friends after they already got the instruments..what do u think?
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