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| The case of "The Long Term Relations" |
Thought I was alone in my utter disgust
’Til the old me started to bleed and we became us
Lust in this trust in this social halitosis
Combust to form stardust burning nuclear gust
"I mean, we're practically dating without actually dating. We're essentially having long term relations"
Really is that what this is?
I considered a comeback as I searched through nail polish colors.
Sugar and Spice
Hotel Suite
Hopelessly in Love
None of these will do.
Is this what it's come down to?
"Long term relations"?
That sounds absolutely fucking terrible.
I respond with "Sure" until I figure it all out later.
That's essentially what I always do.
Settle the "right now" feelings and deal with the consequences later.
I honestly feel indifference to almost everything in my life currently and I'm thinking that this is going to join the ranks.
He's currently one of the only people who can make me laugh anymore...which I guess is one of the few things that keeps me coming around.
I have a mixture of overwhelming anxiety, distrust, and overall adoration for this fellow and where will it get me?
Fucking nowhere.
This is a secret. It has to be.
I'm left sharing the happy and that sad and frustrating moments with only myself and this text box.
Where we're apart I miss him incredible amounts and half the time we're together, we're arguing about how we behave when we're apart.
Sometimes I see this lasting for only two more months and other times I see it lasting years if I so choose to make my life go that route.
I guess right now it's just the waiting game to see who will fuck this up first.
While every day I wonder why I'm bothering with something so completely uncertain.
I always go in with some heart and someone's heart to break.
But how is it that I feel that I'm the one about to be broken? | | Tags: Boys, Relationships, Friendships, Truth, Lies, Life, Say Anything. |
|
| | You got to open your eyes. |
Cassino will be coming out with their second release, Kingprince.
It's hard to put into words my feelings about this.
Both Northstar and Cassino have been ingrained so deeply into my life that I feel that if I were to see either band live, I'd probably be overcome with quiet emotion throughout most of the the set.
I would hop on a plane to see either of them in person...it means that much to me.
Already three songs are up on their myspace and they sound terrific.
I know right now, after struggling to all year to find an album worthy enough to list as AOTY, this will undoubtedly be my #1.
Nick's voice just evokes so much emotion and memory over these past 3 years.
These songs are already on repeat.
Three cheers for good, new music.
I need it more than I need myself.
I know you'll leave with a king's reprieve
But I guess that's just fine by me | | Tags: Cassino, The Gin War, New music, Northstar, Lyrics, Life |
|
| | Love Sick. |
I hope to God I mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips....
You can meet, share various connections (and on occasion hook up) with numerous different people,
but once in awhile there comes along a person that knocks you off kilter.
It doesn't matter who you've come in contact before or after or even if you experienced the same kind of experiences...
This person is just different.
You can feel your brain working for the first time.
The conversations are intense, heated, lively, intelligent, belligerent, wonderful.
You find yourself opening up in a way you never had with anyone else.
You start to think that you found something that you really believe in.
Perhaps you start to wonder if this person is it...if this is the person you were waiting for...
And soon it happens.
You start to lose your mind.
You're not quite sure how or when it started...
but this person who made you so happy, has now turned you fucking insane.
Why do you suddenly care so much about where they are or who they're with?
Are they keeping secrets from you?
Are they lying just to avoid conflict?
Are their words as good as you thought they once were?
Who are you anymore?
Who is this jealous, envious person you're turning into?
Why do you suddenly care so much?
Fucking paranoia to the 10th degree.
Every night is a mini panic attack after every conversation with them.
What are they really doing?
When will you see them again?
Are they avoiding you?
Suddenly you realize you're losing sight of yourself.
You don't feel worthy or interesting.
It's almost as if that person stole everything from you that you loved about life.
Welcome to the mind fuck.
Let's hope someone knows the cure. | | Tags: Boys, Relationships, Friendships, Truth, Lies, Life. |
|
| | | I need a sure thing. |
I need something as hot as it is sharp
And I need to bleed
I need to burn
I need a sure thing
And you are a mystery to me
I'll hang my hopes all at once on a rope
There's a possibility that this is happening to someone who's not me
I'll hold my head
Keep it still and pretend
That these spins and the webs
Are actually desirable...
------------------------------------------------
I guess I'm just looking for something that doesn't have to be a secret.
Something that I'm proud of that works with everything around me.
Something that isn't surrounded in lies, paranoia, deceit.
Show me something good. | | Tags: Dashboard Confessional, Relationships, Dating Life |
|
| | The day before my birthday.... |
...I received a random IM from my friend Casey:
Quote: xcaseyx (12:42:01 AM): this band might be better then Kings Of Leon
xcaseyx (12:42:01 AM): http://www.myspace.com/wearephoenix
Me: (12:49:40 AM): sounds so good
xcaseyx (12:49:51 AM): it's amazing
xcaseyx (12:50:07 AM): it was Chris's favorite band i think |
Chris never mentioned this band to me before he died but he was definitely on to something. If only he was around to see their success, he'd probably think it was really cool for a minute and then grumble that it's over played on that car commercial. ha.
I can't help but want to get my hands on everything this band has released. It's one of the few ways I can hold Chris close, without him actually being here. | | Tags: Chris Brightman, Friend, AP Member, Music, Recs, Pheonix, Personal |
|
| | Give and Take |
And there's a flaw if you hurt me I'll hurt you too.
I come back around this place to get away from you
...So if you save me I'll save you too.
If you'll look for me you'll find me baby.
We were the best of the best of friends...
...And I have lost my mind.
And I am lost in time.
I can barely think of anything straight.
And I can barely feel anything real. ...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think you're on a path to ruining me.
Well, I refuse.
Been there, done that.
My heart is way more important than yours.
Two can play at this game, sir.
I can't lose myself again. | | Tags: FTSK, Boys, Relationships, Friendships, Truth, Life. |
|
| | The Cycle: 365 Days Later |
I still only vaguely know the boy with the perfect kiss from that NOFX show.
We see each other in passing and I rarely feel motivated to call him. It's a mixture of nervousness and just an overall lack of effort.
I will be honest and say that he's the last guy who actually made me excited/nervous/elated.
...The last guy who didn't give me a terrible feeling that I was going to be cheated.
Because right now I know someone, who if he buckled down a bit and got his act together, we could possibly make it work. We could actually be happy together.
But like the others, his actions leave me with a bad, cheated feeling. A feeling that there is dishonesty that will hurt me a great deal once it all comes to light.
This has been a frequent occurrence over the past 3 years.
I'm never sure when it will happen, how it will happen, or what the specific events are, but I know they are coming.
The feeling lingers after each phone call or online message or post.
And the truth will reveal itself.
I'll be made to be a complete fool since I did nothing to stop it.
And I will write these entries to try to ease the pain and in the meantime, try and destroy something that cares about me.
So until then, it's the waiting game.
All things in time. | | Tags: Boys, Relationships, Friendships, Truth, Lies, Life. |
|
| | The kind of song that ignites the airwaves. |
The kind of song where every line is the best you've ever heard.
"The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are, with whoever they're there with."
The kind of song that's every angsty kid's dream.
"Oh it hurts to always have to be honest"
The kind of song in which I believe I've lived every lyric.
"Ask me what's it like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew.."
I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe,
I just wanna believe...
| | Tags: oh it hurts to be this good. |
|
| | The Ballad of maybe you and me. |
If I could get to sleep
then, I guess you could stop pretending
cause if I didn't think you loved it,
well then I wouldn't play along....
....you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet.
I bet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isn't this so very fitting?
Filing this under: Songs that remind me of us. If there ever was an Us. | |
|
| | But, you’re chasin’ the ghost of a good thing. |
"What time do you have to get up for work tomorrow?" His asked with only a small hint of curiosity.
"Same time as I always do..." I teased back, pretending not to be as tired as I obviously was.
I knew what he'd say,
"You should probably try and get some sleep"
and I'd begrudgingly reply with, "Whatever you say".
Same old story.
I was usually always a mixture of alcohol and sleep talk.
(Liquid courage perhaps.)
But I never wanted to get off the phone.
I could only reach him in the late hours of the night and it was those phone calls that helped me sleep so well.
The sound of his laugh or of his true, genuine voice was enough to make my cheeks burn and my heart ache just a little...in the best way possible.
All these little memories of our moments spin around in my head.
They are the best and worst things to have happened to me.
I miss the confessions. The honesty. The real feelings. The stories about what made us who we are and what we strive for.
Yet, there are days where I wish they hadn't come into existence at all.
It's like I'm falling asleep with my eyes open
shutting down and off the lights
cause after all of this it's all or nothing | | Tags: This is Part Two. |
|
| | It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in... |
You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror....
I wish this song was released several months earlier. It would have been so fitting. Technically, it still is. | | Tags: Friends, Rumors, Life |
|
| | I'm through choking and suffocating... |
...on alter egos and alter motives
which weigh you down and take control of
the way you are and the things that you need.
I can't tell if I originally sought you out because I was lost and drowning, or if I begin to feel that way once we became acquainted.
The past two years have been at least 75% regretful. I'd change nearly everything.
I have a terrible habit of destroying the things I care about and thus why I've made it a point to not put my full heart into things anymore...at least not in the past year. (at this point, if my calculations are correct.)
Lessons are to be learned from all of this.
Movin on
Movin on
This is only Part One. | | Tags: "...no I don't know you anymore and it's sadder than the saddest movie" |
|
| | Things I'm Enjoying Right Now. |
(Intended for a few weeks now though Blake beat me to the punch)
1. Glee, Fox, 9PM/E.
Think what you want (and it's probably "This show seems too hyped) but this show is awesome. I haven't been able to get back into a non-reality show since I was in high school. Sure The Office is amazing, but I never had time to watch it in college. Now that I'm living the life of "grown ups", I can get back into TV-land again. This show lives up to the hype, the reviews, everything.
Taking place in Lima, Ohio (Hey, sup, Hit the Lights) a hs teacher takes over the Glee club which once made him famous when he was a student. This motley crew covers songs we all know throughout the episodes, meanwhile dealing with faculty and student "politics", fake pregnancy, real pregnancy, cheating, dating, relationships, family issues, etc. Check out at least one episode...they're all on Hulu and they just got picked up for a full season. Watch a clip, at least.
2. Blink 182 - S/T
I'll probably write a full blog on this later, but I've revisited this album recently since I saw them live for the first time at Virgin Mobile Free Fest back in August. This album apparently was hard to warm up to when it was originally released because it was a darker, more more romantic side of Blink. The boys cut out the dick jokes and finally starting singing about the real, true love they experienced as adults and they do it really fucking well.
3. Transit - Stay Home (Boston MA, Pop Punk/Hardcore)
My buddy Andrew rec'd Transit for me last year. Sure, I'm late on this but I don't feel so bad now that they made AP's Top 100 this year (First round too!). Even if the vocals aren't top notch, they're songs are fucking enjoyable and I find myself listening at least every other day during my work commute. Pop punk goodness. Now I just need to get my hands on their full length...hmmm.
4. Averman - Hide Your Girlfriends (Virgina, PopPunk/Punk)
I discovered Averman through Chris Immunity, who happens to manage them. Lately I've been going in this direction with music and it's a nice change. With song titles such as, "Shark Week", "Sweep the Leg" and "She Feelin My Gangsta", you have to be somewhat curious to hear what they're all about. Check out their myspace and start with "Boner Jamz 09". If you like Transit, there's a good chance you'll like Averman.
5. Christcore
Not sure what took Rob Dobi so long to come up with this famous character, but I laugh every time I come across him, either on yourscenesucks.com or when I'm helping out a friend's band at RevGen fest. They're pretty harmless and probably pretty okay to hang out with, but they're also fun to laugh over. We all know how much I love snake bites and deep v's...praise Jesus!
 | | Tags: Glee, Transit, Averman, Blink 182, Likes, Love, Life |
|
| | Feelin This? |
Where do we go from here
Turn all the lights down now
Smiling from ear to ear
Our breathing has got too loud
Show me the bedroom floor
Show me the bathroom mirror
We’re taking this way too slow
Take me away from here....
I think of you every time.
I wouldn't mind re-living that over and over. | | Tags: Blink 182, Feeling This, Boys, Dating, Life |
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