"Oh, do you remember me? Is your mind that worn?
We both were born to be one with that which the public scorns...."
I stood alone in the chilly rain. Hood pulled tightly over my head. The man in the jersey took front and center and sang his heart out. You were the first thing to come to mind but there was no way of reaching you at that moment.
I realized I needed to start something otherwise I'd be left wondering and wanting. I knew this could potentially be the best thing for me.
"Yeah, this is something I have to do for myself."
That night I opened up to you feelings that now sound like a high school crush, though I'm not exactly sure that was my intent at the time. I think later on I told you that everyone leaves after 3 - 5 months....Almost proved them wrong. But I guess it's in my nature to destroy everything I love, whether it be intentional or accidental.
So here it is, one year later and nothing to show for it other then foggy memories of late night sleep talk and memories attached to songs. Most of everything that was good is now completely overshadowed by misconception and resentment.
Aragorn: You have some skill with a blade. Eowyn: The women of this country learned long ago, those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain. Aragorn: What do you fear, my lady? Eowyn: A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire. Aragorn: You are a daughter of kings, a shield maiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be your fate.
Probably one of my favorite movie quotes of all time.
Be free to live your life to the fullest, on your own terms.
Don't wait, don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down ...
It's weird to wake up every day with regrets.
To miss someone/something.
To feel as though a piece of you missing all the time.
Every day it's my head vs my heart.
Logically, it's not worth the fight after all that's been said and done.
But my heart knows that I lost something great and it's important to try to salvage it after all that's happened in the past year
Maybe nothing will come of this...maybe by some miracle something will.
But can some things really be forgotten?
Eh, it's 2009...more living/less dwelling for me.
Today was awesome. Spring weather lifting spirits.
Definitely had to turn up some old Valencia during the day drive:
The Space Between always reminds me of summer and the seeing Valencia at Bamboozle and on their tour in the Summer of 06.
Tonight I made a late night drive home and heard the other Space Between:
If there was ever a song to describe the month of March for me, this song is it.
I don't even know where to begin. Do I have regrets? Absolutely. Every day I think about what I could have done to prevent, where it all went wrong, and if there is anything that I could actually fix.
What it comes down to is that people felt cheated, people were hurt, people were lied to, things were misconstrued, and things were done out of anger. I still don't even know what was really said and what was made up simply to enhance the drama. I can't even tell what was worth it at this point. I have gained things and I have lost things that happened to be very important to me. I have also been told things that I never want to hear from anyone ever again.
I used to have two separate lives (personal and the internet) and in the past few months everything started to bleed together. I kind of lost sight of things and just acted on my own behalf without thinking of the consequences or how they would impact other people. It's not to say that I'm not the same here as I am in real life but there is only so much of me that I can portray here and unless you've met me, you'll never really understand or know things about how I live. So, I guess I'm sort of back to the drawing board with trying to draw the line from what matters and what doesn't anymore. I need to figure out what's most important to me from here on out.
So in turn, I am sorry for how things panned out. If there was a re-do option for certain events in life, this is probably the moment where I'd use it.
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