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AlexandriaRose3's Blog
Dearest (Bradley)
09/03/11 at 02:39 PM by AlexandriaRose3
With a smile, oh so blinding, it's like a newly rising sun, as it hits off a dark ocean, I hold this gaze for what seems to be forever. As you walk my way smiling as though I'm the only girl you live for, you whisper it's ok baby.
With love, ever so sweet, it makes time fly ever so fast, like counting the stars in the sky, I will never grow tired of this love.
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even if someone comes....i'll remain alone...
08/23/11 at 07:31 AM by AlexandriaRose3
I was told I'm insane and he's not coming back so stop dreaming and move on............Saturday it'll be a month that he's been gone........did I do something wrong? I guess maybe they are right.......I can't keep dreaming of him to come....I'm going insane just waiting.....I guess I should move on and find another who will keep my heart......I mean there is Bradley........but idk.....I just can't let go of him......but this is my beautiful ending.......I wish nothing but the best for him.......He'll find a girl that loves him and someone he can hold......I love you....This is my.....Goodbye....
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So........
08/12/11 at 06:51 AM by AlexandriaRose3
I have to go away to this therapy thing idk what it is but my dad is making me go......…its like a month or two......I just feel constantly alone and that I'm empty and stuff.......
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I just....
08/10/11 at 12:38 PM by AlexandriaRose3
I just need to be alone.....alone for a long time......I can't have a guy in my life....I can't have anyone around me.....I have too much to deal with...I have to fix myself......but I don't know how to tell everyone that.....so I'm just going to leave.....and maybe come back.....it might not be for a while but I'll come back.....
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Yays!!!!!!
08/08/11 at 05:21 AM by AlexandriaRose3
I found my phone charger I'm so fucking happy!!!! My voice didn't blow out yet....back home from Dallas today just to leave to New York til Wednesday!!!SLEEP FINALLY!!!!!!!! And no boys to stare at me just me and my bed at home. sorry mike but I'm happily in love..
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(day5)
07/31/11 at 03:21 AM by AlexandriaRose3
I leave today.....I'm nervous but excited.....well I need to go eat and finish packing.....I hope wherever he is....he's safe and knows I love him.....
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-o- goodnight dear blog of mine (day 4)
07/29/11 at 08:50 PM by AlexandriaRose3
Today has been a busy yet productive day.....tomorrow I'm packing and Serena's coming over to keep me sane.......I leave Sunday annnndddddd..........wherever he may be tonight..I hope he dreams amazingly and knows I'm here and never leaving. I fell more for him in the past two months than I have fallen for other guys.....In september it'll be a year since we first started talking......I love this guy a lot.....God please keep him safe and never take him from me....he's the best thing that I have ever been able to call mine.
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(day 4)
07/29/11 at 06:12 AM by AlexandriaRose3
It's been four days and I still miss him.....I've been keeping myself busy....I only cry every once and a while but I'm ok....It's for our own good....I have to keep myself busy...I can't wait for sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!But I have the weirdest feeling that he's going to be coming back within the time I'm gone.....so if he reads this I hope he stays safe and ok....I love him so fucking much.....well I must be going I have to go eat something and take my meds and stuff...
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Just my luck......(day3)
07/28/11 at 01:59 PM by AlexandriaRose3
I went to the zoo to get my mind off of him and the lady was like couples discount bring the one you love and I just started crying my eyes out......then everywhere almost we couples loving each other and I was like ="( I have to wait......six months for my boo.........…and even after six months he's still not going to be next to me..........…I miss him.......this is by far the hardest relationship I've ever been in.........But it's like I have a feeling......he's just it....I look at other guys and I'm like yeah he's not my man......I constantly think about him no other guy..and I know I'm only 17 and I know people are going to say you're not in love......but fuck you because I am.......for the second time..........but this time I know he's just the guy....he's the 6th one and I feel like my search for a lover is over he just makes me 100% happy...he's the only one I ever see myself with.....
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Welll(day3)
07/28/11 at 05:34 AM by AlexandriaRose3
Today is going to be a semi busy day....I'm going to the zoo almost all day to see my step sisters presentation.......maybe the penguins will prevent me from crying.......I have to pack and get my clothes washed and have everything ready for Sunday...I have a huge feeling he's going to come back while I'm gone....I hope he does and I hope he gets that job....he needs to do something....I love him like crazy but he has to get a job........I mean I'll love him with or without a job but if he doesn't have a job he won't be able to get to me......wow I noticed that I mostly talk to myself a lot......I hope he's ok....and will come back soon...I finally ate something and now my stomach hurts.......well I better go shower and get ready for my day.......I need to get back into my routine because I sort of slacked off while he was here......so I shall hit the books hard now! And get myself back together and recenter myself and wait for this amazing guy =)
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Gut wrenching feeling of loneliness.... (day 2)
07/27/11 at 05:40 PM by AlexandriaRose3
I spent all day babysitting the neighbors kids.................I mean literally....from 7:30 am-7:00PM.......I'm drained.....every time everything was quiet I'd feel how truly lonely I was and how I wish I could just talk to him and I'd start crying then I'd have to tell myself to pull it together he'll be back...............six months.......I hope and pray it's not that long............can I just scream and destroy everything now? I just want to talk to him......I only had two almost three months with him but six we're torn apart from each other......It's like I get close to him......we love each other........we start falling so in love and then they take him from me..............Is it wrong to love? or is it just wrong for me to have something good? or I am not allowed to love him? is he unlovable? is it a bad thing to love? I am honestly going insane..........every quiet or really loud second I get it's like oh yeah my boyfriend I can't talk too............It's like being suffocated by thoughts...........I want to write everyday but once I leave it'll be sort of hard too...........well after the 5th I should be writing again and crying and not eating.........I just want his arms around me.....That's all I ask.....get him here and put his arms around me forever.......every song I listen to I start crying too because.....he is my everything and I'm really in love with this guy........


and I'll sing to you.....
til it's over.....
is it over.....?
and I'll sing to you......
forever.....
and ever.....
and ever.......
Tags: loneliness........
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Leaving again...(day2)
07/27/11 at 08:52 AM by AlexandriaRose3
Soo I'm leaving to go play with my friend's band from July 31st to august 5. We go to like 6-7 different places and play shows to raise money for different causes. I guess it's a good thing but I'm just afraid I'll go up and start singing and then start crying my eyes out so I'm trying to get myself together before we have to leave......I made a list of things to pack and I need to get eating again or else I'll just faint under the lights. I have to remember I did this last year 280-400 people aren't a lot and it's for a good cause.....I hope my man is ok....I wanna talk to him I miss him so.....I just have to close my eyes and tell myself he's coming back and that if he was here he'd be telling me it's ok...I can't forget to pack my tooth brush I forgot the last time and was like EWWWW!!!!!!!!!hahaha well I'll try to get someone to record it so I can put it up on YouTube for everyone to see and to send to my man..Then when I get back from this adventure I'm going to go stay with my friend in Ohio and hope my dad doesn't get mad that I'm not with my mother...but after what happened last night I'm just broken and need to get away......a few more days Lexi you can make it...then I'll be ok when he comes back....it's almost like a break to restore us.....but it's growing me closer to him.....and one day I'll wake up next to him everyday.....I just hope he doesn't find anyone else while he's gone.........or forgets about me....I miss my penguin ="(
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Well damn! (day2)
07/27/11 at 05:08 AM by AlexandriaRose3
I tanned a lot this summer and have not gotten sunburn that much well only two times but that's good for me.. I'm going to go sit outside and cry......he leaves today but we didn't talk at all yesterday and I'm extremely upset that I was sleeping when he said goodbye because it was...everything I feared......I told him that it was the biggest thing I feared and he promised not to leave...........but I just want to hug him and have his arms around me......I'm afraid to know how long it is going to be this time.........will it be six months again?..........or will it be a month?........or.......what if he doesn't come back and forgets all about me?..............I love him a lot and he says he loves me but I guess time will show.........Sunday I'm leaving..........maybe when I get back he'll be there......or he won't...................…I need to cry now.....I just really miss him......
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7:26(day 2)
07/27/11 at 04:30 AM by AlexandriaRose3
So day two and I woke up at 7:23 am......today is going to be hell. I'm constantly checking my phone just waiting for him then it's like oh wait it's only day two..........I'm missing him like crazy...........I finally got the strength to eat last night but I cried myself to sleep last night and now I have to suck it up today and get my shit together before leaving on Sunday because well I can't go on stage Friday and start crying my eyes out. Ciara will keep me from crying hopefully. I'm going to go look at the outside world and hope he gets back soon.........I really love him......this is ripping me apart.....I'm so used to just txting him and feeling better.....I know I seem selfish........
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guess I can count this depressing day as 1
07/26/11 at 07:27 PM by AlexandriaRose3
my first day with him gone........It's so weird because it's like he was always there next to me and I had nothing to worry about.....if I was upset I'd shoot him a text and he'd make my world a million times better........now it's like wait back to last year when I cried every night hoping I'll wake up to him saying he's here to stay......but as the sun slowly sets........I look across the vast setting.......the light is still there just a little closer but I may not be able to tell because it's so far away......but at least I can hope one day it'll make it's way back to me.......I look up at the stars......praying he's looking at them too......one day he and I will be laying under them.....but as tomorrow brings a new day....I won't forget my lover......I hope he won't forget me.......I hope I don't have to wait six months again......it'll be hell but for him I'll wait......I love him....all he wants is someone to love him.....and I'm going to be that one because in everyone eyes he's just a boy....but through mine....he is my man.....as I lay my head......I hope he dreams beautifully.....and whenever he closes his eyes.......I'll be there I promise to be always be...
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Last Updated: 09/03/11 (869 Views)
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