's Blog |
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| electric dolphins;
| | The friends who stuck together we wrote our names in blood |
If i'm a bad person, you don't like me
I guess i'll make my own way
It's a circle
A mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life.
Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same
Oh we're not the same
The friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good
It's good
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess i'll go
I best be on my way out
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Now I can fend for myself
Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same
Oh we're not the same
We used to stick together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good
It's good
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess i'll go
I best be on my way out
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
You treat me just like another stranger
Well it's nice to meet you sir
I guess i'll go
I best be on my way out
i'm really trying not to listen to this song too much, but it's just not working too well.
i just want to say 'i'm done. with everyone. everything. so long.' and just walk away into a different moment within my life. but i don't want to at the same time. doing so would toss everything that i've worked so hard for. the friendships, the memories, the good times and the future with these people. all of it. gone. tossed out the window like a bad idea.
tossing it out the window would be a bad idea.
but at the same time i can't help but feel i've been a bad idea tossed out the window. i don't like going over to richies anymore if it's just going to be me, kayla, and richie. i always manage to end up in a bad mood whenever i'm there. kayla and richie sit and play left 4 dead or team fortress. but when i finally play left 4 dead with kayla i end up being called a dumbass becuase i'm not super amazing at it-or a accedently misstake someone for a zombie. seriously! i know it's intended as a joke... but... once was enough... and then getting up and going to the bathroom or somewhere else only for them to relize i'm gone after i've been gone for quite some time.
whatever happend to the closeness we all had? at least, the closeness i had with all of you. | |
|
| | i've got that sick feeling stuck inside my bones. |
i don't know where that title came from. i just kinda want to scream and shout and cry and laugh manically and say the jokes all on you! the jokes all on you!
what effing joke?
am i a joke?
am i a pointless being upon this cursed planet?
am i crazy?
that is the question that has rolled within my head for the past... month.
i follow crazy impulses. doesn't mean i'm crazy, but... i just don't know...
i read something once that those who are crazy don't realize it. maybe i'm just wanting to give some effing excuse for this mindlessness.
GAH! RICHIES HEADPHONES DON'T FIT MY EFFING HEAD!!!
*sigh*
eh, i just lost what i was going to type.
i think i'll go wallow in my self pitty for a little while now. | |
|
| | there's a deeper meaning... |
i hate that sick feeling
in my stomach
when i think about you.
i think it's called
confusion.
loathing.
disgust.
admiration.
adoration.
it leaves the taste of
thunderstorms in july.
it's disturbing.
it's beautiful.
the full title to this is:
there's a deeper meaning to everything. just don't go looking for it.
i hate it when i get in these moods. it makes everything too vivid. too rhythmic.
i need a hot shower and fingernail clippers and red nail polish.
tomorrow, everything will be better. or worse.
life sucks... maybe it's just the pain that makes it beautiful.
this is what i get for reading poetry on DA.
it makes you insane.
blah. | |
|
| | Your exsistance angers me. |
DHAIOGAIODNGIAGNOIADHIEAHOIoiahdogf iahipNOIFIODBoibgaodigba903hwtqioea dghbiabdgoabdgobOIBSGIOAB
hmm...
nope. still don't feel better.
*sigh*
so you know that translates out to:
SCHOOL = HATE HATE STAB STAB DIEEEEE. | |
|
| | how wonderful life is since your in the world ♪ |
you know what? i think i'll clarify that last blog.
i don't hate ben anymore.
why?
how?
since when?
since he randomly im'd richie.
then randomly im'd me.
we talked and when i finally told him why i was angry, we clarified the situation.
i'm happy i'm not angry with him anymore.
don't ruin it.
but i am angry with chip!
yes that big long paragraph was about chip, if you couldn't guess.
i've stopped calling him a friend or an acquaintance.
i'm through.
and i'll leave it at that.
hmm....
band camp is over tomorrow!
yay!
i watched moulin rouge.
a little iffy at the beginning, but it does get better.
i liked it at least.
eh, i'm sleepy.
oh!
kayla and rachel...
how i'm i oblivious?
=] | |
|
| | "skin is not climbable! ok, maybe it is, but it's painful!" |
you can teach the stupid, but you can't teach the ignorant.
that would be a line that has stuck with me over time. i thought this early last year, and it's been true. so very true. more now than before it seems.
you know what i can't do? stay angry with someone. maybe it's part of the fact that i believe being angry isn't healthy. lol. anyways, i'm leaving this how it is so i don't say something i'll regret. but maybe even mentioning this would prove to be a mistake. whatever. staying angry isn't healthy. and i'm letting it be.
of course, i'm only not angry at anyone if they've earned my forgivness. which in some cases would to right the wrongs they've done to other people, not just only me. and if the wrong's aren't righted, no matter how many good deeds, they wont be forgiven.
when i say righting the wrongs i mean appolizing. you can't go back and change the past no matter how hard you try. but one can at least say they're sorry for the things they've done. it might not change things, but it would be that one little thing that i, and probably others, would start thinking of someone as a little less than a compleate asshole.
i would like to state that i'm not saying names or pointing any fingers. it's just up those of you who read this to diside what i'm talking about.
thank you kayla for the title. which has nothing to do with this blog. except being very random.
=] | |
|
| | smarm. are you using it. |
smarm = flattery.
just so you know.
lol
i really don't know what i want to write. lol
XD
i could rant on and on about stupid things, but i just don't want to.
i know! imma gonna rant about spin it! on the bop it! extreeeeme 2
lol
i would blame brian.
=P
he said he was taking apart a bop it. then, i wanted to find and play mine.
and i did so.
for a hour.
XD
in this time i learned spin it is eeeeevvvviiilllll.
very much so.
it hurt my fingers. =[
it also made me lose.
every time.
spin it hates meeee!
XD
i want to go swimming.
=[
*sigh*
i hate that half of you hate the other half.
but, i guess i have my own problems with people...
it's just very difficult to invite people to a birthday party that way.
=[
i'm kinda excited and dreading band camp...
=/
but i'll get to see everyone every day once again!
well, not everyone... but close to it.
=]
me and steph decided i will have no social life outside all the things i'm going to be doing.
XD
Chorus/Chamber/24, Musical, Band, Beta.
nope.
no life.
lol
and i plan on helping backstage with the shows at the theatre.
haha.
what life?
=P
would working backstage at a solely volunteer theatre count for volunteer hours for beta?
it's bringing the arts to the community.
XD
i'm cold.
i'm getting a tan.
lol
my arms are really dark.
then the rest of me is pale.
it's kinda funny...
and not.
XD | |
|
| | well don't you know the kingdom's under siege and everybody needs you |
A Dustland Fairytale beginning
With just another white trash county kiss
In '61
Long brown hair and foolish eyes
He'd look just like you'd want him to
Some kind of slick chrome American prince
Blue jean serenade
Moon River what'd you do to me
I don't believe you
Saw Cinderella in a party dress
But she was looking for a nightgown
I saw the devil wrapping up his hands
He's getting ready for the showdown
I saw the minute that I turned away
I got my money on a pawn tonight
A change came in disguise of revelation
Set his soul on fire
She said she always knew he'd come around
And the decades disappear
Like sinking ships but we persevere
God gives us hope
But we still fear what we don't know
Your mind is poison
Castles in the sky sit stranded, vandalized
The drawbridge is closing
Saw Cinderella in a party dress
But she was looking for a nightgown
I saw the devil wrapping up his hands
He's getting ready for the showdown
I saw the ending when they turned the page
I threw my money and I ran away
Straight to the valley of the great divide
Out where the dreams all hide
Out where the wind don't blow
Out here the good girls die
And the sky won't snow
Out here the bird don't sing
Out here the field don't grow
Out here the bell don't ring
Out here the bell don't ring
Out here the good girls die
Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep
It's such a bitter form of refuge
Well don't you know the kingdom's under siege
And everybody needs you
Is there still magic in the midnight sun
Or did you leave it back in '61?
In the cadence of a young man's eyes
Out where the dreams all hide | |
|
| | i think your brain got lost in the airwaves |
Boys, grab your guns
It's all in good fun
We're making 'em run
Making 'em run
Your name is devastation
You filled us with frustration
You could have fooled anyone
We handed up the lucky ones
And so you stood us up
And you let us down
Now you're backing off
So we're running away
I think your brain got lost in the airwaves
Boys, grab your guns
It's all in good fun
We're making 'em run
Making 'em run
Why should I feel bad?
I'm the one
With the gun in my hands
In my hands
Why are you so scared
Of running from the takers?
Why were you so afraid
Of staying in the same place?
So you stood us up
And you let us down
Now you're backing off
You've got nothing to say
I think your brain got lost in the airwaves
Boys, grab your guns
It's all in good fun
We're making 'em run
Making 'em run
Why should I feel bad?
I'm the one
With the gun in my hands
I think it's time
We've said goodbye
Wastin' all of our time
Wastin' our time
Why should you feel bad?
You're the one
With nothing on the line
It's such a shame
How you were so afraid
Of losing it all, losing it all
It's such a shame
(It's such a shame)
How it all went down this way
Oh thank God
Tomorrow's a new day
Boys, grab your guns
It's all in good fun
We're making 'em run
Making 'em run
Why should I feel bad?
I'm the one with the gun in my hands
Boys, grab you guns
It's all in good fun
We're making 'em run
Making 'em run
Why should I feel bad?
I'm the one with the gun in my hands.
(In my hands)
I think it's time
We said goodbye
You're wasting all our time
Wasting our time
Why should you feel bad?
You're the one with nothing on the line
| |
|
| | its the greatest voyage in the history of plastic ♪ |
Life inside the music box aint easy.
The malots hit the gears are always turning
and everyone inside the mechanism
is yearning to get out.
And sing another melody completely
So different from the one they're always singing
I close my eyes and think that i have found me
but then i feel mortality surround me.
I want to sing another melody
so different from the one i always sing
But when i do the dishes
i run the water very very very hot
and then i fill the sink to the top with bubbles of soap
and then i send all the bottle caps i own a float
and its the greatest voyage in the history of plastic
and then i slip my hands in and start to make waves
and then i dip my tongue in and take a taste
it tastes like soap but it doesnt really taste like soap
and then i lower in my hole mouth in and take a gulp
and start to feel mortality surround me
i close my eyes and think ive found me
but life inside the music box aint easy
the malots hit the gears are always turning
and everyone inside the mechanism
is yearning
to get out
and sing another melody completely
is yearing
to get out
is yearning
to get out
is yearning
to get out
...
really i don't do that when i wash dishes.
never have.
=P
♪ ♫
♫ ♪ | |
|
| | maybe later when i can type these things. |
i'm currently listening to compositions by Danny Elfman.
next on my list will be Hans Zimmer.
well... if i ever stop listening to Elfman.
XD
elf queen was stapled to a wall in the dorm we staid in durring the mission trip.
gah... i can't type.
fingers no work.
=[ | |
|
| | the only one who's ever known who i am. |
The Fray - You Found Me
I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".
Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me
I've got that song stuck in my head...
and repeat...
XD
i was playing L4D with noah and he let the tank kill me.
at the end.
where there was no hope of being saved...
then again...
i did let a tank kill him...
XD
oops.
i leave on my mission trip tomorrow.
*sigh*
i'll be back thursday some time.
maybe friday.
eh.
it doesn't really matter, i'm still gonna miss you all.
=[
oh well.
i'll take plenty of pictures.
=]
and read.
=]
and drink coffee!
=]
lol
wish me luck.
¬_¬
hehehe!!
=]]]
blame richie.
XD
♥
♦
♣
♠
| |
|
| | I'm not a thunderstom person. |
it sucks not being able to hear out of one ear.
*sigh*
stupid ear infections.
anywho.
mom confused me yesterday.
first she say's we'll see for kayla and em to come over.
then she say's no.
then after i tell them mom said no and we are going to drop kayla off at her house after going from chips she says 'sure, kayla, you can stay!"
XD
i think mom has something against em....
i've also kidnapped richie's L4D.
hahahaha!
=P
noah wont stop playing it.
i've got to play it a total of 2 times.
noah = all morning and afternoon.
*sigh*
L4D 2.
CHAINSAWS!
hehehehehe.
and, yes, rachel there are baseball bats.
or that is what i understand from the trailer...
meh.
i hope so.
meh, i have much more to write.
i think.
eh.
i don't know what to write about...
*sigh*
I still want to go marvel the stars.
still havn't really got to.
=/
*sigh*
saturday will be my last free day of summer.
that's really depressing...
*sigh*
i dunno what i'm gonna do.
i want to go do something...
maybe i'll read.
yeah.
i'll read. | |
|
| | oh how things have changed. |
i'm in a very reflecting/deep mood.
yet i don't know what to write...
sometimes i guess i just think in colors.
right now is deep purples and bright teals and silver and gold and forest greens.
too bad that everything that i try to put to paper when painting just doesn't turn out the way that it should.
but maybe that's just how life is. you have an idea, a dream, but when you go to follow your dreams they just don't turn out like they should.
wow.
thats... depressing.
but the truth none-the-less.
you know what i really want to do.
i want to sit under the night sky and just... marvel.
i always thought that the stars were pretty.
but.. i don't know. pretty isn't the word.
glorious? maybe.
but i always loved the stars.
more than the moon.
but the moon more than the sun.
i do like the sun for warmth.
it's too bright a star for me, though.
but who should i take on this marvel adventure?
heh.
who knows?
but i will.
my breath is super cold from the tic tacs.
lol
i don't know how long i've kept this blog open without writing anything.
i guess i could type until my fingers bled and the keyboard stopped working...
but i wouldn't type any of that into this blog.
maybe bits and pieces....
i just guess i'm too secretive.
maybe when i'm done writing it i'll post some of it for you.
eventually.
sometime after midnight or so, i suppose.
until then my loves, my strangers, my friends?
ado | |
|
| | send my condolences to good. |
I did my best to notice
when the call came down the line
up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
and sometimes I get nervous
when I see an open door
close your eyes, clear your heart
cut the cord
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and Im on my knees looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer
pay my respects to grace and virtue
send my condolences to good
give my regards to soul and romance
they always did the best they could
and so long to devotion,
you taught me everything I know
wave good bye, wish me well
you gotta let me go
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and Im on my knees looking for the answer
are we human or are we dancer
will your system be all right
when you dream of home tonight
there is no message were receiving
let me know is your heart still beating
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and Im on my knees looking for the answer
youve gotta let me know
are we human or are we dancer
my sign is vital, my hands are cold
and Im on my knees looking for the answer
are we human
or are we dancer
are we human or are we dancer
are we human or are we dancer | |
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