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Seven Things I Hate About Horseface
07/09/08 at 03:44 AM by Chris Fallon
The new Miley Cyrus song bugs me. My friend made me watch the LOL-worthy video on YouTube and I couldn't help but find it more annoying than any other song in recent memory.

Her voice sounds really fucked up, like someone put a clamp on her nose and then added some chipmunk-effect to it. It's not quite auto-tune ... but close.

The lyrics are also obnoxious. Why is a 15-year old girl singing about love? The chorus contains "7 things [she] hates about [some douchebag]," and by the end of the song, she takes it all back and says the seven things that make douchebag a douche are what she likes about him.

Tweens and their relationship problems. Shouldn't she be writing songs about being excited to drive or buying a new bike? Maybe talking about how mad she is about her allowance or wanting to giggle at cute boys at the mall?

What a sad state the music scene is in.
Tags: miley cyrus, annoying, douchebag
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Your Ears Are Writing Checks Your Brain Can't Cash
07/07/08 at 03:00 AM by Chris Fallon
After seeing how everything works around here on the site, I've come to grow a substantial amount of respect for how we present everything to the world. Everything looks so smooth and runs like a dream; the community is large and allows enough space so you don't always have the shitty people clumped together; we have a remarkably dedicated and hard working staff (especially that new guy they hired a month and a half ago); and we don't resort to taking shit from other sites. We simply do things our way, it works beautifully ... and some people can't take the heat.

I've been browsing our "competition" lately and come to realize how truly terrible other music sites that devote a large amount of attention to this "scene" are. They look amateurish, can't seem to offer anything new to the ever-growing list of music sites and they are careless in posting news and, most importantly, can't distinguish a great record from a piece of shit.

What site can honestly call themselves a self-respecting online music source when they are handing out 10/10 album scores to The Maine and Cute is What We Aim For? I mean, really? Really? The Maine? 10 out of fucking 10? Blow me, you don't know shit about good music.

This leads me to believe that my hard work of writing well-thought out reviews that carefully present my critique to an audience is not being read how I would like to a widespread music-loving group of people. I almost feel like points are missed and skipped over simply because of how defensive people get after seeing AltPress, Skyline Press and whatever other shitty music site gives a perfect score. Maybe we here at AP.net aren't so quick to throw out gold stars to everyone who records an album, we are subjected to stubborn listeners who would praise a guy with chronic flatulence signed to Fueled By Ramen with a dance-beat in the background of his farts. Just because it's cool now, doesn't mean in 7 years, you'll think The Secret Handshake's songwriting skills deserve a 10 out of fucking 10.

You think we're crazy because we aren't telling people every pop band's album isn't a masterpiece? You think we lose credibility because an album you hate isn't rated as high as an album someone else might hate? Get it through your thick skulls that any opinion is objective; you can either agree or disagree - you are not the only source. My task as a reviewer is to get you to understand where I am coming from to a whole angle of people with different tastes. If you don't see what I see, maybe you're not reading close enough - or perhaps you just don't see things the way I happen to.

We just respect the hard work of a band recording an album enough to give it an honest opinion and listen. We cannot be expected to praise everything, no matter how trendy or hip it might be. Sure, so-and-so is great now but what about down the road? Not everything we hear today will be remembered & praised down the line, whether it be 2009 or 2046. But hey - if your Bitch's Brew or Songs in the Key of Life is Riot! or Boys Like Girls ... well, I just feel bad for you.
Tags: rant
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Recommendations: July 6, 2008
07/06/08 at 03:12 AM by Chris Fallon
Music Recommendation

Trevor Keith - Melancholics Anonymous

Former Face To Face frontman, Trevor Keith, has taken his recognizable pipes to a different place on this terrific solo debut. It's a variety of musical fashions here, not simply a retreaded Face To Face record (not that I'd complain); there's a little bit of everything here. While I plan on getting a review of this up in the next week or so, I wanted to rec it to any Keith fan, a man who has shown us some tremendous skill in terms of songwriting while in the perennial SoCal punk band, and here he continues to prove to the world he's one of the better vocalists and lyricists of our time. Underrated, most definitely. Go to his website and buy it for $12 - shit, you could do a hell of a lot worse for a lot more. It will be worth it.

Music Recommendation

Sugarcult - Lights Out

Dark, moody pop with a mysterious, lustful undercurrent ... that might be the most justifiable description of Sugarcult's last album, which never quite caught on with a mainstream audience (then again, their label did fold right after its release). The album is a brooding mixture of sex, passion and sensuous smoke-filled hotel rooms, swirling with a thick production and lyrics that possess desperation, loneliness and aggressive behavior. Really, it's Sugarcult's best effort: the blend of hazy, dark pop music with melodies that are simply gorgeous make this disc a very stellar release. Every pop band goes through this stage in their careers, releasing one album that juxtaposes previous material and sometimes, everything else afterwards. The sound this band presented early on was a very simple, quick caffeine jolt of pop-punk and to see where they have come now, is remarkable. Not many pop bands grow this much, this fast in their careers (Jimmy Eat World and Relient K are probably two of the best out there currently), and the more that can spread their wings, the better. We have far too many pop bands clogging up the scene, adding nothing to the landscape; this is the kind of breath of fresh air we need more often. BUY

Movie Recommendation

Wall-E (2008)
Directed by Andrew Stanton; starring two cute robots

No other movie has hit me in such a monumental way this year than Wall-E. Another "kid flick" that is truly a masterpiece for adults, this is not the kind of film you admire simply at face-value: this is the kind of film that sticks with you long after it's finished, continuing to seep into your brain at random times. Essentially, it's a robot love story with little dialogue and mature subject matter than rarely resorts to child-like humor and simply retains a youthful innocence that appeals to the most emotional parts of our human minds. Beautiful? Yes. Perfect? Pretty much. If you see this and don't walk away in love with that little robot ... you are a scientific miracle, because you are managing to live without a heart beating in your chest.
Tags: recommendations, wall-e, sugarcult, trevor keith
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Just Watch The Fireworks
07/04/08 at 02:46 AM by Chris Fallon
Nothing quite like turning out all the lights, lying in bed and simply enjoying the thunder and lightning show on a warm night. So soothing, despite how flashy and loud it is. Funny how rap music makes it unappealing yet Mother Nature serves it up just right.

Oh, and since I probably won't be on tomorrow ....

Happy Independence Day, Americans (I'd put some kind of USA-themed emoticon, but none exist)!

I work all afternoon, and after that, BBQ with some friends. Think I'll be knocking back a good half-rack or so. Don't worry - I won't be lighting off any fireworks. I'm terrified of lighters when I am super drunk - and even more terrified around an instant-lighting wick.

Be safe, AP Faithful - but have fun!
Tags: 4th of july, ap faithful
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I'm Gonna Miss You
07/03/08 at 01:19 AM by Chris Fallon
For all my life, I have been a big basketball nut. Sure, in recent years I've become more fascinated by the pure, raw intensity of NCAA hoops, however I still have a deep affection for the NBA. After all, it has given me some of the best sports moments I can ever remember, especially from growing up - and it's provided some of the worst (1994's upset of Denver over Seattle still sticks in my mind, especially Shawn Kemp just lying on the KeyArena floor).

Considering 41 years of Seattle SuperSonics history has kept all Washington State basketball fans going with some remarkably talented players throughout the years (Gus Williams, Fred Brown, Gary Payton, Ray Allen - just to name a few), it's come to the end of a incredibly frustrating, if not totally wasteful, year with the team relocating to the vast sports wasteland of Oklahoma City. Yeah, I could probably list a million reasons why I fucking loathe Sonics owner Clay Bennett and NBA Commissioner David Stern, why they are liars, carpetbaggers and don't give a fuck about a city who didn't turn their back on their hometown team until they came into the picture ... but I'll keep things light and smooth.

The expectations are now simple: team moves for next season, city of Seattle is "awarded" $45 million and in three years, if we don't lock-down a new team, Bennett will owe us $30 million more. The chances of us getting another team, let alone a "NBA-approved" arena are slim to none, which really feels like a swift kick to the ballsack. Who am I to turn to for my local hoops needs? The Storm? The Huskies? I'm better off supporting my 3A university team of nobody's.

Too many swirling emotions come to mind when I think of the heyday this team had in the 90's. Shit, we won two phenomenal games versus the 1996 Chicago Bulls (arguably the greatest NBA team to ever play the game) in the NBA Finals. As a 12-year-old with no prior experience having your favorite team head to the championship round, it was quite exciting, even if I knew we were going to lose against Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Lots of turmoil has followed the Supes around since their inception, yet none of it mattered until a cowboy had to buy the team, pull the wool over the eyes of an entire city and leave town with the last laugh.

Sure, the team name and history is kept here ... but it's not the same. You can leave the heart and soul here, yet we'll all know it's a replacement. Cleveland Browns fans have to feel a bit of the same way, considering you're simply getting a team in place of the one that left - it doesn't feel the same ever again; everything's a tad askew from thereon out.

I know the current roster may not be a dream team, but they don't want to leave. Perhaps Seattle will garner the last laugh eventually, but right now, it feels like someone has stolen the air from our lungs. It's a strange feeling to me knowing I can't look forward to November's Opening Day. And with the Mariners reigning supreme as the worst team in the MLB, it's difficult to find any glimmer of hope in the current sports scene (yes, I know the Seahawks still have hope but that isn't until September).

Here's to a initial losing season, Oklahoma City. Fuck you.
Tags: basketball, rant, supersonics
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Album Review: Relient K - The Bird and The Bee Sides
06/30/08 at 09:42 PM by Chris Fallon
Relient K's new album The Bird and The Bee Sides drops tomorrow, bitches. Read my review, and if you like what I say ... go pick it up, pick it up.
Tags: relient k, album review, the bird and the bee sides
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In The Thick Of It
06/30/08 at 03:23 AM by Chris Fallon
Maybe it's simply the thick, muggy air of the summer sun or the lack of sleep ... but I'm getting back into one of my "funks," so to speak, where I'm agitated and restless all the time. I am sick of never having fun, I'm sick of not making enough money at a lousy college student job and worst, I'm simply fed up of not getting the respect I feel I deserve from, well ... everyone.

Seeing Wall-E today helped relieve me of some irritation (such a remarkable film), but it only goes so far. As year 25 in my life creeps closer and closer, I don't feel like I'm yet at that age. Sure, I am confident in my intelligence and drive, but how come I lack that confidence elsewhere?

Life has it's moments with me, where I become disenchanted and just annoyed by every little moment that honestly feels like a rain storm of people pissing all over me because they can. It comes from everywhere, which is the worst part; people who don't even really know me just lack the sincerity and human compassion, and it hurts more than someone I know doing it.

We all have our days, right? I just have to take it all in stride, and while I'm not normally one to burden my problems and complaints onto a slew of people ... this helps in my ventilation process.
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Recommendations: June 29, 2008
06/29/08 at 01:59 PM by Chris Fallon
Music Recommendation

They Found Me, They Named Me - Ship As State (EP)

Consider me a self-promoter of sorts, and just read my review. BUY

Music Recommendation

Relient K - The Birds and The Bee Sides

Relient K's new b-sides collection (which I will be reviewing later on in the week) in an interesting record: it consists of 13 brand new songs from the Nashville Tennis EP (with each band member singing a song) and a slew of remastered recordings from the band's earlier days - that sound surprisingly fresh here. I'm not a religious person, so I don't listen to the band for it's faith-oriented hymns - they are a fantastic pop band, and their new songs continue to showcase the pop elements they incorporated into Five Score and Seven Years Ago. Be sure to get ahold of the new "hidden" song AP.net has provided you with (start by heading to the band's profile) and find all the other hidden bonus tracks that come available before the release date on Tuesday. BUY

Movie Recommendation

Batman Begins (2005) Directed by Christopher Nolan; starring Christian Bale

The hype we here at AbsolutePunk.net have been giving The Dark Knight is overwhelming (as demonstrated here and here). However, it's extremely well-deserved. After all, for comic book/Batman fans, this film is The Godfather Part II - a sequel that will top them all in our respected genre that has been giving us blueballs for years now (I would suggest wearing a raincoat to any screening of this movie you attend - lots of spooge will be erupting by film's end).

Still to this day, I hail Batman Begins as being the only Batman movie to give a shit about. As a lifetime Bat-fan, I like Nolan's vision of Gotham more than I ever liked the campiness evidenced in the TV show and the first set of films. This is the Batman I love - the one who says "SWEAR TO ME" while dangling a bad guy off a rooftop. Begins is 140 minutes and still leaves you craving more, which in my book makes you a fucking genius filmmaker. I could only dream of one day making a movie where the audience doesn't want the movie to end.

My anticipation for July 18th, 2008 has been long overdue and I, along with several other Batfans, will be having the time of our lives over and over again as summer comes to a close. Join us, won't you? And please ... if you have not already, allow the Joker to reach your avatar. BUY
Tags: batman begins, recommendations, relient k, they found me they named me
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Jesus....
06/26/08 at 08:27 PM by Chris Fallon
It just sickens me so much. How low and childish some people can be.

Usually, I don't often get so vehemently disgusted by lewd acts committed by AP.net members.

Consider this one a first.

I think I'm just going to take a break and head outside, enjoy a beer.
Tags: rant
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Welcome Aboard!
06/26/08 at 12:40 PM by Chris Fallon
Welcome to the AP.net staff world, Susan Frances!

Some of you might recognize our newest staff member as sweetpeasuzie, a workhorse who has reviewed hundreds of albums in the past year. It's been a long time coming to get her on staff, and as happy as I am to have her on-board ... losing a great user reviewer like her is saddening. I still have some good regulars though.

At least I'm no longer the new kid on the block
Tags: susan francis, newbie
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Lots and Lots To Do
06/26/08 at 03:57 AM by Chris Fallon
Lots to do this upcoming week slash weekend. I have a ton of reviews up my sleeve I want to get out and done - hopefully I'll get a number of "once-overs" up for a batch of EPs I have in my midst. Trevor Keith, The Ready Aim Fire!, 1969 and a bunch of unsigned bands I hope to direct some attention to are in my line-up. So be on the lookout for that.

I hope to get started on reviews for Relient K and Hit The Lights in the coming week. Keep your eyes peeled for lots of HTL-related items here on the site. This band is part of the better batch of the current pop-punk trend, and they deserve your attention more than, I don't know ... saaaaaaayyy ... Cute Is What We Aim For? The Maine?

As long as I can get all this done before July 4th weekend, I will be set. I want to relax and light fireworks without any worries (except for safety concerns, blah blah blah).

Supposed to be 90+ degrees here over the weekend, possibly stretching into the 100's. I work all day Saturday, so it better not be too out of control or else I'll be in a shitty mood. At least summer is here - I really do love this time of the year, even if I am always exhausted.
Tags: ap.net related, upcoming plans, album reviews
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First Impressions: The Gaslight Anthem
06/24/08 at 04:32 PM by Chris Fallon
If Bruce Springsteen were more of a punk and Brandon Flowers (The Killers) had stuck to his promise about Sam's Town, we would have the sound The Gaslight Anthem present on The '59 Sound, a bluesy punk record that is an ode to the classic Americana era.

Sink Or Swim wasn't your generic punk output, so it's fresh to see this new album is doing the same and straying from a sound not many punk bands offer. So far, the album has really impressed me and seems to have very few weak spots. Album of the year material? Quite possibly. You never know.

Brian Fallon (yeah, that's right), the band's vocalist, has a vocal pitch somewhere along the lines of Greg Attonito (Bouncing Souls) and a softer-toned Brandon Flowers (The Killers). The production really reminds me of Born To Run, with reverberations that seem like they bounce off arena-sized walls of sound.

Truly an accomplishment for this band and once it gets closer to the release date (doesn't even come out until August 19th), I will post a review.
Tags: the gaslight anthem, first impressions, the 59 sound
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Outta My Way, Scott Baio!
06/24/08 at 02:07 AM by Chris Fallon
I have a new favorite, treasured picture:



Created by Chris #2 (CharlieKilo), since I hand out daily doses of Pwn to all noobs beneath me.

I must say ... I look snazzy in suspenders. I think I'm gonna give that a whirl tomorrow around campus. Ladies love a man wearing suspenders.

They love to reject him. You didn't let me finish my sentence earlier. Yeah ... not the best results. Hmm.

I'll just leave it at this...

Tags: funny pic, lol, fallonrules
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Recommendations: June 22, 2008
06/22/08 at 01:26 AM by Chris Fallon
Music Recommendations

The Ready Aim Fire! - Strong Enough

Imagine Ben Gibbard (in his side project, The Postal Service) getting into a vocal match with Brian Warren (Weatherbox), then having both their voices collide and unite, like some kind of throat-related mash-up named Dave Trautz. Somewhere between indie rock and dreamlike electronica lies Walnut, CA trio The Ready Aim Fire's self-released debut, Strong Enough. The record displays ample amounts of passion and ferocity, demonstrated by Trautz's emotive songwriting and obvious dedication to his material.

I hope to have a real review of this gem up in the next week, but for now, take my recommendation and try this record on for size. BUY


Music Recommendation

The Clash - The Clash

Some would argue this debut is one of the finest ever released, and some would also argue this is the London punk pioneer's finest outing. I tend to side with London Calling (as do several others), but only slightly - this 1977 debut LP is a fast-paced punk slaughterhouse of rhythm and rockabilly/blues jangles, sung with sloppy passion by Joe Strummer and played recklessly effective by Mick Jones. This is the album that screamed to the world, "Hey, we're the fucking Clash!" ... and everyone listened. Intently.

This is the band and the album that inspired working-class punk in the style of The Bouncing Souls and (especially) Rancid. Still relevant, still powerful and still inspiring, sounding as effective as it did 30 years ago. BUY


Movie Recommendation

Apollo 13 (1995) Directed by Ron Howard; Starring Tom Hanks

I'm a known space geek in my family. I am absolutely fascinated by anything concerning NASA or our universe, and I love learning about everything astronomical. So it is no surprise that Apollo 13 still remains one of my favorite films to watch. 2 hours and 20 minutes has never seemed to short to me, and the intriguing tale of three astronauts trying to find a way to get back home with little communication and a broken spaceship is not only a true drama of epic proportions, it takes place during one of the most pivotal times in American history, making it that more hypnotic.

Tom Hanks obviously plays it cool as astronaut Jim Lovell and Ed Harris is pitch-perfect as NASA flight director Gene Kranz. The entire cast is a dream, and honestly, the movie never gets old to me - I'm just a sucker for space-related movies.

Okay, except this one and this one. BUY
Tags: recommendations, apollo 13, the clash, the ready aim fire
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Threat Level: Get Smart
06/20/08 at 09:28 PM by Chris Fallon
Get Smart (2008)



I enjoy Steve Carell quite a bit. I'd say he's watchable in pretty much anything. I find his personality charming, and while some fans tire of him quickly on The Office, I still love his dim-witted Michael Scott.

In essence, Get Smart is not bad. It's pretty hit-and-miss in terms of comedy, and the gags aren't used quite enough but work more than the spoken-word jokes. Seeing that I never really watched the original television series, I suppose my opinion isn't as well-informed as others. However, I did like a lot about this movie and I think some of the jokes went over the head's of the audience I was with. Carell plays Maxwell Smart perfectly, putting his own spin on a classic character (and incorporating lots of inside jokes on the series, some of which I understood simply from knowing what the show entailed); I just didn't enjoy the love aspect of the film between he and Anne Hathaway. I know Agent 99 and Smart had chemistry on the original show, but I felt it dragged the film down a bit near the end and to be honest, I didn't see how 99 could find Smart as any sort of love interest.

The familiar faces lining the cast really enhanced the fun factor though (was that a Bill Romanowski cameo I spotted?), and the cast is having a great time (especially Alan Arkin, who brings some great one-liners to his role as Chief). The car chase sequence was terrific, but I was hoping for a bit more of a climax than what we received. Don't get me wrong - it works out well enough, but the film spent too much time on some parts more than others (mostly the attraction the two leads have for one another).

While most of the time all I saw on-screen was Agent Michael Scarn in Threat Level: Midnight, it was a decent enough movie I wouldn't mind watching again. Better than seeing Zohan or Love Guru, that's for damn sure. It's a rather innocent comedy that really only works due to a large and talented cast (especially David Koechner and Terry Owens) and the charm of Mr. Steve Carell. Listen carefully, though - lots of Carell's funniest lines are right near a cut, so listen quickly. I won't spoil all the fun for you, because the surprises are the film's best moments. All in all, not a bad way to spend 2 hours - you could do a hell of a lot worse.
Tags: get smart, movie consensus, steve carell
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