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Fakedup's Blog
Million thoughts rushing through my head
03/18/10 at 09:27 AM by Fakedup
When you get your heart broken, the thing that helps the most is thinking positive thoughts. This sounds riddiculous, but believe me. If you've had your heart shattered in one million little pieces any time recently, you might ask yourself "What the fuck does she know?" But oh dear, do I know. I know far too well. Only a few days ago, I found myself laying on the floor, pushing my forehead towarnds my knees and felling my tears dripping down my face. I was so angry and I just wanted to do SOMETHING to make the pain dissapear.

I wanted someone to hit me. To beat me and kick me. I wanted to steal a motorcykle and crash it. I wanted to see my own blood. I wanted real pain. Something to shout at. I wanted the pain to come from the outside instead of the inside. I'd do anything to have it that way.

But then later, when I had calmed down, I started thinking. I believe in fate so much. Even though there are absolutely NO evidence of fate, what so ever, I believe in it, and it feels amazing. So when I was sitting there on my bed in the middle of the night, I realized that He and I probably weren't meant to be. We weren't. And maybe that's okay? Maybe life has something more for me out there? I'm only 16 for god's sake.

And sure, it still hurts like hell to hear about him hooking up with other girls, and it still hurts like hell when he texts me. Fuck, it even hurts me if his name is mentioned. I have an entire playlist filled with about 50 songs that reminds me of him (I still love the songs but I can't listen to any of them because it hurts to goddamn much) And sure, I still cry over him sometimes. I still feel like hurting myself when I see the girl that could have him the way I know I never can. I won't say that I will get over this any time soon, because that would be a lie. And this blog is one of the few places I can really tell the truth.



But I really do believe there is a higher power somewhere, fate or God or whatever you want to call it, that will look out for you. Help you find your path.
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The seasons keep on going
02/24/10 at 09:37 AM by Fakedup
Some people can really make you open your eyes. Help you understand, help you let go and move on.

I never thought a person from my past could make me see the future more clearly. She has changed and so have I, and that makes us understand each other better.
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It's my heart that's breaking
02/22/10 at 06:40 AM by Fakedup
I can't move on and I can't continue like this either.
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This story is getting old
02/19/10 at 09:49 AM by Fakedup
Why is it that everytime I know I can have a boy, I don't want him anymore? It's getting old.
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Round here we stay up very very late
02/18/10 at 12:17 PM by Fakedup
I always stay up very late. Studying, listening to music, wandering about, thinking. Yes, thinking is what I spend most of my time doing.

I do not know what I want. I change my mind about everything seven times a day. Who I want to be. Who I want to be with. What I want to do and how I want to think.

I feel as everything will break any time now. The ground below me is constantly shaking.






Does anyone else feel this lost?
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It's not gonna stop so you better buckle up
02/16/10 at 06:39 AM by Fakedup
My world is on fire. I don't even know what I am doing right now, it feels like I am living someone else's life. This is not me. This is not who I wanted to be.

I've lost myself and I don't think I will ever find my way back. The way I am acting now is so shallow and I used to be so much more mature. I miss the way I used to think and act and react. Now I feel as if I am living on borrowed time, that this isn't me.


Because no, this isn't me.
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M
02/13/10 at 10:02 AM by Fakedup
I feel so disappointed. And so scared. And so alone. This is the worst I've felt in quite a while now.

The boy I liked is an asshole, pretending to be some sort of sweetheart. It makes me want to vomit. I'm not even gonna start on how he's been acting lately, because I could talk about that for hours and it would only end up making me sad and angry. And the fact that I haven't heard from him today, even though he was such an asshole last night is just plain stupid. I don't even know why I care any more.

I feel like deleting every song I have that makes me think of him. I feel like smashing some of my favorite records against the wall. I feel like screaming and crying and yelling. But most of all, I feel like moving on.
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I will try to fix myself
01/16/10 at 02:03 PM by Fakedup
I hate the fact that every time I see you the ground starts shaking and my heart is trying to jump out of my chest. It gets harder and harder to breathe. I always do these stupid things to get your attention, and everytime someone mentions your name I can't help but smile.

I listen to some songs and they make me think of you. I know you're listening to some of those songs too, I just hate that they most likely make you think of someone else.

These feelings are ripping me apart from within. I am always scared that I'll never hear from you again. That you'll find someone else. There's always something missing and I feel as though I can't speak clearly when you're around. I never say what I mean to you. How could I? It's just too hard.

The words get stuck in my throat and all the time you're watching me with a confused smile.

(And in spite of all this making me feel empty, those short moments I get to see you make all these sleepless nights okay. I don't mind, without you it's a waste of time)
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Christmas and love
12/15/09 at 09:00 AM by Fakedup
Party on a thursday, school at eight am the next morning. I am not sure this will be a good idea.

But christmas is coming up and I can't wait. Im lika a litte kid around this time of year.

Oh and also I'm in love and it is terrible and wonderful in the same time.
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Please find this.
12/11/09 at 10:35 AM by Fakedup
The most amazing blog I've ever seen is this one:

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

Take five minutes of your time and check it out. I really don't think you'll regret it. Every frickin entry is AMAZING and always hits home. I think you'll be able to relate as much as I do. Whoever you are.

Then, spread the word forward. Please. You'll be happy you found it.
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Change
12/10/09 at 06:20 AM by Fakedup
I was always told change is something positive. That you need it. So, last year I was looking forward to change.

Now, I just want to go back in time, back to last year. I had so many high expectations and none of them came true. And I know I CAN'T go back to the way things were and it makes me so angry. I was forced into change.

I thought that people would be more grown up now. I thought I would have a great time meeting new people. But really, these kids are the most self-absorbed people I have ever met. I can't even explain.
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Forever
12/09/09 at 09:31 AM by Fakedup
If you wade around forever you will surey drown. I've seen what's going down.
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The Fratellis
12/07/09 at 08:54 AM by Fakedup
The Fratellis is a great band wich I am currently obsessed with.
And Jimmy Eat World - Last Christmas, is pretty great to.
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Waaaaarm
12/06/09 at 05:27 AM by Fakedup
Chrsitmas is coming up and a certain boy is making me all warm and fussy inside. Soon...

I miss my two best friends. One of them I'll never tak to again. One of them is always busy. But when I do get to talk to her, it's great.

Treasure the people around you, okay?
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If you sit around
12/02/09 at 03:47 AM by Fakedup
I am in love and it's ridiculous. Everytime I leave my house I'm hoping I will meet him (his school is just a block away from my home) and every time I get a text message I'm hoping it's him. (It rarely is though)

If you sit around and wait for other people, you're gonna be sitting around forever
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1 to 15 of 114 Entries
Last Updated: 03/18/10 (4,568 Views)
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