I have a serious love/hate relationship with music. It annoys me that I can be listening to such a beautifully put together work of art, and yet feel so somber. I could obviously give examples, but I am positive you know this feeling. This absolutely miserable, yet absolutely wonderful tug of emotions. This feeling irks me more than any other recently.
My great grandmother passed away yesterday. I feel no sadness, absolutely none. It pains me to see another person in pain. She was in her mid-90s, and had two strokes over the past decade. I am having trouble conveying this feeling to my family. They are acting as though this wasn't creeping up on us for the past five or so years. I guess I have learned to accept death with open arms after I lost my father. He's now got a friend to keep him company.
Christmas is creeping upon us quickly. I know there are some people that fall closer to the grinch side of the spectrum, and I understand why. Christmas really does nothing more than bring back shitty memories and then you get crap for not enjoying Christmas on top of that. The Christmas lovers truly make it even worse for the grinches by making sure it's known that everyone should love the holiday. I'm not sure where I was going with this. I'm not a grinch or Christmas lover. I just like to make people happy. Kind gestures are really what get me choked up for some reason. This holiday season, try to put a smile on someone's face just for the hell of it.
I made my first trip to Austin this past weekend to see Mae in their final tour for quite a while. The whole show was amazing. Windsor Drive left me speechless. That guy has some serious pipes. Mae, well, words just can't describe it. The whole show was just so great. They played the majority of The Everglow, which is what I was hoping for. I somehow managed to be videoing what I feel will be the most bittersweet moment I'll ever witness. If only they had any lighting at all in that place, it might've come out a little bit better, but I'll make do with what I have. My first trip to Austin and Emo's, and I really do not think it could have been any better.
Warning: I almost slapped the two annoying bitches in front of me that thought it was necessary to act like they were 12. If you hear high pitched voices that might break a window, it's them.
It sure has been a while. The Saints winning the Superbowl has come and gone. Winter has come and gone. Being single has come and gone.
I surely could use some motivation to get me excited about school. I know it's nearly impossible to be excited about school, but I really need it. My grades aren't exactly dropping, they're just not at their best. Anything other than accounting, my major, makes me want to burn my eyes out.
I am way too excited for summertime. It was slightly chilly outside last week, and yet for some reason I felt the need to go wash my car in my bathing suit. Of course, when I walk out into the 100 degree weather this summer, I'll be regretting the want for summer. This also means it'll be crawfish season, and that is always a good thing. I also find a huge problem with the amount of snow south Louisiana has gotten this year. I think we've had three or four snow (not sleet) days. Of course, snow to me is different from the snow you northerners get.
I recently started watching the tv series Arrested Development. Talk about some funny shit! If you haven't watched this show before, give it a shot. Fox cancelled it after three seasons, and I just can't seem to figure out why. You simply must watch this show, it's hilarious. Oh, and Food Tech on the history channel. Who wouldn't want to know how to make an entire hamburger and french fries or bacon and pancakes. It makes me hungry just thinking about it.
I'm bored with coming home and being lazy everyday. Someone give me some new ideas for some music to listen to. Anything is appreciated.
The seasons are changing. Relationship number three has come and gone. We've finally reached the half way mark in college football. This calls for a brief, yet unexpected update.
The majority of my friends are guys. For this reason, I make a serious attempt to stray away from dating said friends. I'd rather enjoy spending time with my friends, as opposed to making it complicated with a silly relationship. Well, I made this attempt. A little over a month later, it was mutually ended. It sucks to really enjoy spending time together, yet having no chemistry whatsoever. Hence the just wanting to be friends thing.
Football is football, it's GREAT! Nothing makes me happier than a night in Death Valley. LSU seems to be improving, but still at a speed slower than a turtle. I'm extremely disappointed in the shittiness of all teams this year. No team deserves to be a national champion in my eyes. Texas has an easy as pie schedule, undeserving of top 3. Florida almost lost (no thanks to bullshit calls by the refs) to Arkansas at home. Alabama seemed to let Miss State run all over them yesterday. There is room for serious improvement.
As for the Saints, I am baffled. They are beyond amazing this year. Superbowl material? I think so! If they won the superbowl, the first thing I'd expect is a change in the Awesomo 3000 episode of South Park. I'd hope atleast a few people understand what I am talking about.
Apparently I forgot that my first year of college was a piece of cake. My second year has brought more homework and tougher tests. I'll be struggling to keep that 3.0 I need for TOPS. This stretch between fall break and Thanksgiving is the worst. If not for football and nice weather, I'd probably just stay home and sleep for these two months. Just a small part of my journey to becoming a CPA!
The perfect fall day consists of sun, a nice breeze, and some clouds. Today just happens to be one of those days. Baton Rouge very rarely sees a day this beautiful.
I am a person full of change. When things get too consistent and routine, I get easily bored. Change was long overdue in my life.
I've rekindled some broken friendships that I should've never let slip away. I take all blame for my own mistakes, and apparently people respect that. This seems to be a true way to get forgiven. It feels great.
Honestly, I've never been a huge fan of football. Oh, how those days are gone. Lately any conversation I'm a part of, involves football. The adrenaline rush I get from going to a game is unbelievable. It's also nice to understand what words like "blitz" mean now.
As anyone that knows me can tell you, Paramore has been my favorite band for years and years. They never seem to disappoint me. This goes for the new album, brand new eyes, too. One word: AMAZING! Definitely check that out if you get the chance.
Until we meet again! (which by past experience will more than likely be a couple months)
How can feelings change from "I love you" to "you've been annoying me for weeks now" over night?
I got dumped on a sidewalk after work. Humiliating. When asking what I've done wrong, there seems to be no real answer. Have I actually done anything wrong? Even one bullshit answer would be better than an "I don't know."
I find it laughable that within a month of standing up to my ex, I've managed to gain another ex. I'm sorry that your video games, car, weed, and "fuckbuddy probably gay roommate" are better than me. Try finding another girl that enjoys watching you play Halo for hours on end. You'll find it to be more difficult than expected.
It's time to grow the fuck up.
Trip to Galveston and Warped Tour in Houston this weekend. Maybe I'll find someone that I don't annoy there.
My only ex still tries to keep contact with me after two damn years. I've made it clear that I want nothing to do with him. Well I got fed up with getting messages from him, so I decided to let him know how I feel and replied. Just remember this, he hurt me in ways unimaginable.
Notice the lack of grammar in his message:
well maybe you care maybe you dont..
im leaving sept for ft. bening georgia
and in february for iraq
aron leaves tomorrow for ft lenerwood missouri
and hes coming to iraq with me
i just want you to know
im trying i wanna be a better man
i want to know what my purpose is here
i hope you can find it in you to write me back..
ide like to speak to you before i leave..
i am not trying to hurt you
if u dont want to write back dont..
but it'd be nice to hear from you and know how you are doin
Notice the hatred in my reply:
You honestly do not know how to listen. Leave me the hell alone is all I ask. That's the least you could do for me, considering how big of a jackass you were and more than likely still are.
I am doing great! I found someone who actually gives a shit about me. Maybe you'd like to know a little about him. Every other word that comes out of his mouth isn't a lie. When I asked him to stop smoking, he actually did. Oh, and he doesn't cheat. He has a job. He's in college. He will go somewhere in life. Basically the complete opposite of you. I really do love him.
I wish the best of luck to Aron, he is a wonderful person. As for you, I doubt much at all has changed. Just because you are in the military does not mean you have changed one bit.
I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to think about your "purpose" while away. Enjoy your loneliness and solitude in Iraq, you deserve it.
I can never stick to anything I try to commit to. That includes this blog. The seasons have come and gone since I last checked this thing. To be quite honest, not much has changed. Well, nothing more than a few of my classes.
I am now in my second semester at LSU. I guess finishing my first semester of college with a 3.2 after skipping the majority of my classes is something I should be thankful for. I'm sure the same will happen again over these next few months.
As much as I'd like to post some wonderfully, meaningful update, that just isn't going to happen. I'm sitting here munching on Airheads, which by the way make your jaw hurt insanely bad. I've somewhat turned into an airhead myself. I have no life, still. I work two part-time jobs. I have a full load of classes this semester, 18 hours. Also, a boyfriend that I am trying my hardest to get to understand many things from my point of view, including how amazing some music is. Enough with this, I sound like a dramatic 13-year-old.
Oh, two things I should mention, just to prove I am trying to enjoy myself. It snowed in Louisiana. What a truly amazing thing! The first time I've ever seen snow in my 18 years, and it was well worth the wait. Also, I just found out I am in the final round of auditions to be on Wheel of Fortune. Wish me luck! Maybe I can win some money to actually buy my music, as opposed to...well, you know.
With September coming to an end, I am beyond ecstatic. Such a shitty month.
Now we're on to October. School is going fine. Work is alright, I'm considering quitting one of my jobs due to their inability to care about their employees.
I sliced two of my fingers open when cutting dough into breadsticks this weekend. I probably should've gone to get stitches, because it's really deep, but I'd rather live with a scar than the pain of stitches. Sadly, that is my outlook on so many things in life. I'm so scared of being hurt that I'd much rather just avoid what is more than likely the best thing for me.
So here's to a new month and a new season. Enjoy the beautiful weather.
I would say I feel like complete shit, but that doesn't exactly get my point across.
September is quite possibly the worst, yet the best month I have experienced in quite some time.
There have been the good times with my new friends in my dorm. Countless nights doing stupid things till 3 in the morning, and waking up for work at 7 in the morning. Talk about not getting enough sleep.
Then there have been the rough spots. Which seem to be happening all at once. Last night my roommate and I wrapped/rolled/whatever my friends car. Well, they took it way out of hand and got pissed at us. It upsets me that all guys seem to be the same immature pricks.
Also, my boss at one of my jobs is getting a divorce. And it is partially due to my opinions. The guy she is married to is complete shit. I wish I could meet him just to let him know how I think he is nothing more than dirt.
My boss at my other job noticed how stressed I've been over the past few days. She texted me this weekend and said she talked to my friend and they think I need to work less. So, my hours are getting reduced/lessening. Which is an answer to my prayers.
My uncles house in Galveston is still in one piece. I think that may have lifted a weight off of my shoulders. I almost cried when I found out that news.
Oh yeah, and to add on to it, my roommates credit card info got stolen. All her money is gone, over a thousand dollars.
This has all happened within the past 24 hours. And it's not necessarily to me, but to the people around me that I care about. And I feel like I am about to break down.
Oops, add on to this list. I rarely tell people, because I find it embarrassing. I have a skin disease, psoriasis. I only have a mild case of it, but it is still visible. Well, it is starting to spread and it is scaring me.
It is rather pathetic that I have no problem with a hurricane journeying across my state. Yet, I am beyond scared of Galveston getting demolished by one. My uncle lives three blocks from the beach, and he is on vacation in Colorado as I type this. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world knowing his house could possibly be destroyed.
I believe I have exceeded my limits lately. Two jobs and 6 classes is starting to catch up to me. Not to mention I get a maximum of 4 hours of sleep a night. I am lucky to even fit a meal into my schedule at some point in the day. Something has got to change soon, it's just got to.
First LSU game as a student for me tomorrow. We play North Texas. I wonder who will win....? As if it's not obvious.
Enjoy your weekends.
And be careful to those of you in Ike's path.
Last night I volunteered at the PMAC, which is holding Gustav victims that have special needs. I got there at about 6:15 pm and stayed until 7 this morning. Going 13 hours with no sleep is so much more difficult than I expected, not to mention I hadn't slept at all the night before. Although, it was an experience that I greatly appreciated. I grew a bond with a few other volunteers spending the night.
Today is my dad's birthday. He would be 39 today. It's crazy to think he has been gone for five years. It really hurts to think I hadn't talked to him for two years before he died. Never getting to say goodbye leaves me with this feeling that is unexplainable. To this day I can't stand hanging out with friends and leaving without saying goodbye.
No school for the rest of the week. They rescheduled the LSU vs. Troy game to November 15. Trees are uprooted all over campus. A tree next to my dorm fell on a gas pipeline. We're extremely lucky it didn't explode. Rooftops have come off of some of the buildings. My house needs a new roof. All of our shingles came off. You can't even drive down a majority of the roads. I'm lucky to even have power right now. Many will go without power for over 2 weeks.
Now we have Ike on the way. It's still very far out in the Atlantic and is already a Category 3. At this point luck is all we can hope for. Not many people can handle another hurricane at this point, much less the levees.
After being in college for a week, I've learned a nice bit of things. Mainly due to living in a dorm.
I do not drink. I don't mind being around people drinking, but it's not something I enjoy on a daily basis. This causes problems, lots of them.
I am very shy. Just because I don't strike up a conversation with every person I see doesn't mean I am full of myself. Therefore when every girl I pass gives me a dirty fucking look, it pisses me off. Sorry I'm walking down the hall I live in.
Just because mommy and daddy are paying for college doesn't mean you shouldn't get a job. It's good to learn how to support yourself. You don't necessarily need two jobs, as I just like the extra money, but don't complain when your parents won't give you anymore money to go out and party.
Taking easy classes will only lengthen your amount of time in college. Take the classes you need and get it the fuck over with. Also, don't whine to your friends when you have homework or a test, because you aren't the only one.
Realize that if you live in a dorm, people are probably living below you. Don't jump around at all hours of the day, including 3 in the morning when sleep starts to become a necessity. Also, you don't need to put your amp on full blast, I prefer not to hear each song you play.
I could go on for days with more things, but I just had to vent for a little bit. Some stupid fucking asian who doesn't even live on my floor was walking through our hall and looked at me like I was dirt. Get back to wherever you live and learn some fucking manners.
Oh, also, don't throw yourself at every guy you see. It's not in your best interest to give yourself a reputation of being easy within the first week of college.
There is a hurricane headed our way. Hurricane Gustav. There is also another tropical storm, Hanna, in the Atlantic. Both seem to be headed to the Gulf. Some of their outer bands may conjoin, causing some nice storms. Gustav is headed straight at Louisiana. It is predicted to be atleast a Category 3.
I'll find out tomorrow afternoon if classes will be cancelled next week. I fear going to the store, because I know it's insane right now. The traffic is going to be horrid on our already terrible interstates.
For anyone that is giving Louisiana pity due to Katrina, don't. We did in fact get mutilated by a bad hurricane, yes. Although, the true damage was done (flooding, looting, etc.) by our state's government and citizens. I will be the first to step up and say I am glad that we no longer have a woman, Blanco, as our governor. Thank her for not dealing with a majority of the problems in the Katrina aftermath.
My roommate left this afternoon for Texas. Rather than make the 4 hour drive, she took a plane there. She plans on flying back Monday, I believe otherwise, due to the hurricane. I get my dorm to myself all weekend. This is going to be great.
First LSU game this weekend. Due to a bogus student ticket process for the freshman, I did not get tickets. Therefore, I will be in my dorm next to Tiger Stadium, listening to the crowd go insane. It's great.