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A Sailor's Journal
Hmmm
06/23/14 at 07:25 PM by billyboatkid
I haven't thought this hard in a long time.

It always flows so easily.






Sugarcult - "The Investigation"
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Stardust
05/29/14 at 06:32 AM by billyboatkid
Nothing made me happier than waking up next to you.


It's all I wanted for the rest of my days.

Still do.
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Everything & Nothing
05/28/14 at 08:14 AM by billyboatkid
The day you realize you gave up everything because of nothing. I won't be there to make it better.

Gave up everything because of Instagram. Because I liked someone's pictures.

You hold that to the equivalent of me cheating? That is the most immature childish thing I have ever heard. After I went through and deleted pretty much everyone I didn't know last night.



I can't let you keep destroying me after I keep giving you pieces of me. Pieces I've never shown anyone. That are continuously thrown by the wayside.


You could teach a man how to survive, give them life, but the one time you misstep will out weigh everything that's come before. Like it meant nothing.


Yet here I am again at home because I can't even sit at my desk without welling up with frustration, anger, tears. I wanted and have given you everything, but you couldn't give me anything. Someone who grew up so privileged and in so many places, you'd think they'd have a better understanding. But it comes out and it's "me me me".

I didn't do anything wrong except like a few pictures that meant nothing to me. Images. Yet, I only showed you how much I loved you.

You did this to me again. You left me and said you were never coming back. But I was dumb enough to believe you loved me enough.

I don't want to see you in my dreams anymore. Every night since you left.

The reason everyone leaves is because you push them away. Yet I hadn't and was just waiting.

Looks like I'm 0/4.

Bayside - "Transitive Property"
Tags: Life
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Music
03/26/14 at 09:18 AM by billyboatkid
At this moment it is the only thing holding together my sanity.
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The Change
03/25/14 at 09:15 AM by billyboatkid
I must be a complete idiot to let the same person break my heart this many times..

I just laugh at my conversation with Devan from the other day. He asks me, "are you still seeing Amber, why don't you marry her?" My answer.. "Yeah, I am. I might, I want to, I love her a lot"

It just blows my fucking mind. It blows my mind how quickly shit changes. I'm done being hurt and destoryed. Now I'm just fucking pissed.
The thing that hurts the most is knowing they don't give a shit. Like nothing, like I was a feather in the wind. Passing in the breeze, meaningless.

But what's new. At this rate I don't want to date anymore, I don't want to be married. I hope and probably will be single until the day I die. Which is looking fine the more and more I try. Besides the divorce rate is above 50%, if not well above these days.

I just have so much to say that will never be heard. I'll keep it to myself as usual. You should know those melodies and songs I write were because of you, but you never thought about it or cared. You just thought it was music I was writing. It's one of the ways I would express my emotions or feelings, but you didn't see that. You just see things in black and white and not everyone or everything is black and white.

I showed it the best way I knew how. But it was never enough. I was never enough. You set me up for failure and I passed with flying colors.

I'm just gonna go hide away in my house until I can't worry about what you're doing constantly. Until miles separate us. I gave a part of myself to three people and each has wholey destroyed it. No wonder I'm becoming so bitter.

The only thing I hope is that I imprinted a part of myself on you. So when you see what we could have been you, realize what you lost. I didn't give this up. But I will abide by what has been placed in front of me. It was never about someone better it was about you and that being all I wanted..

It's the choices you make and don't make that define you. Not the will of someone who doesn't control your life.


Adam

Finch - "Letters to You" & "Post Script"
Tags: Life
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Raining In Paris
02/17/14 at 03:05 PM by billyboatkid
I promised myself I'd stop writing these pathetic blogs.. But I have to get this off my chest. It's killing me.

I'm so tired of getting hurt. Simple. I've made my mistakes and I've grown and learned a lot in the last few years.. I've been going through some big changes lately.. I bought a house, I've become more positive, I've lost 37 pounds and counting. I was trying so hard to show you how much you meant to me. I know I'm not the best at it but when you claim to love someone so much and we have such a great time together. I could tell you were falling for me and I was for you even more. I know this is why you're pulling away now. You're scared. I get it. But I don't.

You were my rock. I'd constantly text you and tell you how much I missed and loved you. You think religion is such a big deal, well it is to you. And I accepted and loved that about you. I'm sorry I have yet to have that defining moment in my life to make me devote my whole life to a book. But I believe and I do the best I can, I show respect, tolerance. I live my life just how it's taught in the bible, without the bible. I don't need church to practice my faith. I have conversations with God on my own. So that shouldn't even be an issue.

To me all these are just excuses cause you'll be moving away soon. I wanted you to stay. With me and never leave. And now I don't know what I want. I'm almost counting down the days so I don't have to worry about who you're gonna see or what you're gonna do here.

You never see how much I care because you don't want to. You don't want to lose me. So you push me away constantly so you can't get close. That's not a good way to live your life or have a relationship with anyone.

We were how love is supposed to happen. Friends falling in love. Now it's gone.

Man I fall for the wrong people it seems. Everyone fucks up. Everyone makes mistakes. The difference is how much heart you have. How much love and faith and youd never give up on them. I'm just old fashioned. I'm loyal. I'm stubborn and an idiot but when I say what I want, when I tell you I love you take that to heart. Cause I don't say it to many people and I don't say it unless I mean it..

I guess I'll be back. I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say..

Adam

The Maine - "Perfectly Out of Key"
Tags: Life, The Maine
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Really?
12/13/13 at 01:05 PM by billyboatkid
So hurt. Man I have the worst luck. Last night into today has just been a shit show. I can't fucking wait to be off work and have the weekend to just lay in bed and hide from the world. I haven't been this down in a while.

Girls suck

People suck

They only break your heart.

I miss things I shouldn't anymore. People I shouldn't.


Rookie of the Year - "Everything"


Adam
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A lot going on in my head
11/03/13 at 01:06 PM by billyboatkid
When you give up passionate crazy love for mediocre comfort type of love.

What I had. We had was the former, what you have now is the latter.

I will elaborate on this and much more...

In time.

All I can say now is you really fucked me up.
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Forever Halloween
10/03/13 at 11:32 PM by billyboatkid
It's been a while since I've written something.. Always with the lulls.

Ehh, lets see.

Started my new job. It's pretty awesome and close to where I live so I'm saving gas and all kinds of money now. Saving up for a house. I'm loving proving everyone wrong.

Have about 3/4th of my sleeve done. It's coming out amazing and next comes the lighthouse. Alex is killing it.

Saw The Maine and Lydia last night.. Both bands absolutely sounded awesome. Suprised at how much the Maine have changed since last time I saw them. I've kept up with all their music just funny cause I hadn't seen them in years.
Lydia was amazing as always. Can't believe it's been almost exactly two years since I saw them last..

The generals. Maybe I'll write a meaningful blog soon haha.
I need to fix my laptop, my car, and a myriad of other shit.

Adam

List of songs I'm currently loving.

Drake - Furthest Thing
Drake - Worst Behavior
Search the City - One Last Lullaby
Search the City - Get a Grip
The Maine - Forever Halloween
The Maine - HAPPY
Circa Survive - Close Your Eyes to See
Seahaven - Head In the Sand
Stages and Stereos - Even Tides

Everyone check out the new Stages EP called Small Town Favorites. Its on iTunes and it's awesome. Totally worth the 4/5 bucks. Do it.
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Heartstrings
09/02/13 at 11:04 PM by billyboatkid
"how can you mend a heart that's been torn in two when the other half doesn't belong to you"



- Search the City



New album is awesome.

Haven't written in a while. Needa get on that. Soon.. Soon...
Tags: Music, Life
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Tattoos
05/20/13 at 12:12 AM by billyboatkid
"You could possibly be the best of my heart"

I've been wanting to write a blog for quite some time now. Sadly, I just haven't known what to write about.

I guess a lot has happened since February. I have my 3/4 sleeve. The main part at least. Now I gotta finish the inside of my arm. It's a process and they're all pieces, but it's coming together.

Got my clock. It's funny everyone asks me what the time stands for.. They don't know it's a date more than anything.

Can't wait to get back at it. Especially to add the lyrics and skull then i'll be way more content. But I love it now. I've been getting so many compliments on it. Art. That means a lot me.

10/30

Check it out.
http://instagram.com/p/ZUiYdZhrrb/

I guess that's it for now. I'll update sooner than later..


Adam
Tags: Life, Tattoos
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The Used
02/23/13 at 12:17 AM by billyboatkid
Tonight I saw the Used.

They played my favorite song by them, "The Best of Me". I wasn't expecting it at all. It absolutely made my night and week.

Did something I never do yesterday. Saw the Used tonight, going to Wolf Creek to board tomorrow. And then on Monday I get my half sleeve colored in.

Oh yeah I don't think I mentioned that yet or posted about it. I'm getting a 3/4 sleeve. I already have half of it outlined and am getting the rest colored on Monday. Then setup more appts. It's a process but I can't wait till it's done. It means a lot to me.. It represents a lot of stuff that's changed me and made me who I am and was.

I must say things are alright right now. Having a great week and after getting that new job. Good vibes and directions. I'm stoked for what's coming for once in a long while.

Adam

"Buried Myself Alive"
Tags: Life, tattoos
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Yob
02/14/13 at 06:55 PM by billyboatkid
Soo it's been quite a bit since I've posted.

Lots happened but I just want to actually get some thoughts out about my job and current situation.

So I've worked at Pres for 6 years almost 7 [in October]. It's a hospital if you're curious. I've always been a lax person, laid back and maybe even a little lazy. But that's only on my own time. When it comes to my work, job, profession I bust my ass. And in the last year it's come to pay me back. I'm so grateful and blessed especially in this day and economy. I started at the gift shop transferred to the front desk. Made my way to Health Records which is a greatly expanding department. Put the last three and a half years in there and moved up two positions in the last year. All from hardwork.

I've made a great foundation with my managers/bosses and continue to prove I'm a valuable asset to pres and my department. So much so that she offered me another position last week. If I accept which I am it will literally double my salary. Ill be making 50k with out a college degree.

I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself and I know my parents are. I hate money and when people talk about salaries and all that cause life is a lot more than status and money, but the fact that my hardwork got me in this position within 6 short years is where I'm most proud of.

I always give my best and expect it in return. I'm finishing up my degree slowly but surely. I just wanted to share my current situation and give a big middle finger to everyone who doubted me. The key to success is being a hardworker. You get out what you put in and being a good decent person. I'm not saint, but when it comes to work I'm professional and get things done.

I wish I could have a script of what my manager said to me and her praises cause that was enough to make me ecstatic.

I can't even believe it. 50k a year job with no degree. Eat your heart out. I'll always do what I have to.

Cheers

Adam.
Tags: Life
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Tired
01/14/13 at 03:23 PM by billyboatkid
Well I'm tired of that shit. I say what I say cause I can.

Why are you so interested in what I have to say or tweet?! I mind my own business so you should do the same. Especially cause nothing I do concerns you. I shouldn't say things. I get it, but you look just as bad looking and answering back to my tweets... You care that much about what I have to say. I'm just a scorned ex-lover, right...? You must realize how much we meant to one another if its got you that shook mang. You won! You have her. Congrats. Yeah I care about her and I'm sure what I say doesn't do anything to help my case but the fact I'm under your skin so bad and we've never even met.. That says something. The fact she agreed she wasn't as happy as she could be with you. Along with so much other stuff you don't know. So yes my "friend" you are a replacement. Makes no never mind to me if you believe it or not. It's just a fact. You were in the right place at the right time.

For how long...? Time will tell hahahaha

But for now, mind yourself.

Ill do the same.

Adam
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Socks
12/28/12 at 10:47 PM by billyboatkid
Always kicking off each others socks..

"I like to be intimate"

I do

Adam


Goodnight Moon.
Tags: Life
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Last Updated: 06/24/14 (114,056 Views)
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