Trust always seems to be a pressing issue; I just never thought it would be the lack of trust in myself that would be the root cause of my fears and insecurities with both personal and spiritual issues revolving around myself. It seems that everything in my life I'm stuck in a one foot in and one foot out scenario. With God, my romantic and platonic relationships as well, it's as if I can't give my whole self in anything. The odd thing is that my brain tells me what is right; thus I have assurance logically in these areas. However, my heart is struggling to focus on the most important things in my life. It's quite the paradox.
These conflicts are surfacing, and once actually confronted to make a move, I run away. Some form of change is necessary, and I feel that the people in my life don't seem to understand what I'm going through. One thing is sure, I can't go on lacking trust. Without trust, I will not have success, and maybe even more importantly, I won't experience growth. How can one move out of the quicksand when his knees are buried deep in confusion and apathy?
This is a season of questioning for me. Questioning all areas of life that I invest my time in, and it's about time that I start to unfold the answers that await for me. In due time.
Music has become a hiding place from everyday mundane, repetitive life for me. As long as the music is good, I escape into a world filled with rhythms and melodies that coax my aching soul. This, I believe, is the reason for my undying passion and love for this median. Without it, I'm not quite sure where I would be. I'd still be here, but my identity would probably be found in less beloved entities, and perhaps more tragic ones.
I made a playlist yesterday after receiving poor news of one of my favorite bands' breakup, Copeland. I decided to reminisce by sorting through my favorite songs of theirs, and adding some bands that I started to love directly after I fell for my boys from Lakeland. Their artistic demise under this moniker is unfortunate, but I'll always have the four (five if you include Dressed Up & In Line b-side collection) albums, particularly one of my favorite albums of all-time Beneath Medicine Tree.
I'm obsessed with music, and this infatuation will not quickly fade.