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(Sometimes) Witty Banter
|Dear Tom DeLonge,
Hey, Tom, how's it going? Are you glad to be back on the circuit, playing shows with the band that made you famous in the first place? I hope so. It must feel good to know that whatever you do, millions of people worldwide will be on their knees praising you, ready to suck you till you blow. I, as a fan, was very excited when blink announced their reunion. Now, I am not a crazy and obsessed fan, but I am a fan, I own four of blink's albums, all legitimately bought, mind you. I hope that you enjoyed that Domino's pizza or that six-pack that my money went towards you buying. I hope they tasted good. So anyway, I guess I'll get to my point, I know you're a busy guy, with all this blink hype again.
I saw your performance on Jimmy Kimmel and I was disappointed. No, disappointed may not be the best word. It felt more like, whenever you sang, someone was trying to take drill and go from ear drum to ear drum. I remember seeing another performance by you a few weeks ago, too, and I thought the same thing. But then I remembered, blink has been on hiatus, maybe he's rusty despite any of those other side projects you've engaged in. But no, on Kimmel, you were just as bad. Are you aware you're voice sounds like what I imagine a cat would if someone was trying to forcibly insert a cucumber into the cat's nostril? Because that is what you sound like. You don't like that metaphor? Okay, would you prefer to think that you sound like a guy who enjoys having his testicles stomped on by two-dollar hookers in high heels? You sound like that guy when he moans. Did I also mention that that same guy probably likes to watch little kids through blinds while they are at school? Yeah, that guy is sick and he has a sick moan. That was your voice.
I guess the point of this is that I am highly disappointed with you. You had such a good thing going when you were blink 1.0, now with blink 2.0 (coincidentally, did you know "Web 2.0" is now the millionth word in English? It was added today, fun fact) it just isn't that much of a good thing. I mean, Mark is great and Travis is spectacular as always, but you...not so much. blink has talked that you guys would do this until it isn't fun anymore. Well, it isn't fun for me to here you. I can only hope that, if you guys put out another album, the autotune is in full effect on your voice.
A discouraged fan,
Sam Slaughter, NJ/MT
|Tags: blink 182, tom delonge, disappointment