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The Remnants of Uncertainty...
|Fear the Fame and Infamy
|I look at this whole MJ saga differently than most. Yes, you should celebrate his impact on music. No, you shouldn't necessarily celebrate him as a person. You can talk about the allegations of what he did, how eccentric he is, whatever. But the true sad part of this is how he essentially died alone.|
Yea, he had kids and ex wives and family and whatnot. But the man was an enigma and a polarizing figure. He was one of the most influential musicians and performers to ever live, yet his life was and is a constant joke. I liken it to someone like Edgar Allen Poe, who wrote beautiful poetry and stories but was found dead in a gutter. How about Kurt Cobain, who ushered an era of music and had the biggest band in the world only to off himself?
What can I make of these people? I think we all dream of having the kind of impact that these people have on the world. I think we all want to do something that is forever remembered and talked about. We all want our place enshrined in history. But at what cost?
I see fame as a deadly thing. You make your life part of history, but in doing so, you give your life to history. You give your life to your fame and your own life is left in shambles. How else is it that the musicians and actors we love so much seem to divorce so many times, or overdose on drugs, or die alone? Why is it that someone can be so loved by so many, but not loved enough by one? I think a life under constant surveillance is dangerous and unnatural. We have people who are famous (Perez) just for the mere fact that they talk about famous people. Fame or Infamy, it doesn't matter. It's all the same result. Think of it this way: Is Charles Manson really any different from Marilyn Manson in terms of recognition? Sure, they are famous/infamous for different things, but they are talked about in the same capacity. Michael Jackson dies and has his detractors and his worshipers, but either way his legend lives on.
I don't want that life. I'm content having a small, incremental impact on the world. If I can touch just one person, I am happy. And honestly, I've done that in a lot of ways. I'm sure none of my friends would be the same without me, and I wouldn't be the same without them. I helped two people meet who are now getting married. I broke the hearts of girls and they did the same to me and we all went on to find happiness and learn lessons. I give my parents a difficult, yet rewarding son. I don't need screaming fans, I don't need a million twitter followers, I don't need people taking pictures, I don't need debates about me or wikipedia pages or dedication groups.
I just want a family, happiness, hard work, fulfillment, and fun. That's all that matters to me.
And honestly as I realize that my career is actually beginning now, I'm starting to freak out. I've been working a job and having school as my crutch for the last 3 years. Now suddenly I'm networking and planning for my degree and positioning myself for the career path I will travel down the rest of my life. I have things ahead of me like buying a house, getting married, having kids (all things I want, not things I'm doing because society expects me to). It's a bit daunting. I've always liked to look at myself as being ahead of the game, ready for the next step. But yesterday I found that I was trying to convince myself to stay in college another year. Why? Because I'm actually afraid of this next step. That's okay, I won't falter under this pressure. But it is eye-opening and extremely scary.
I guess that's the next challenge to conquer.
|Tags: mj, life, fame, infamy, fear, career, family