It's over. And as I walked into Best Buy yesterday afternoon, I noticed the sign, laughed, and kept walking.
It's here. And I didn't even get a free Dr. Pepper. Hell, I haven't even heard the damn thing.
Guess what, probably never will. Don't have any motivation to do so.
See, there comes a time in every artists' careers that one has to lay their head down to rest, gather what's left of the ones laying around not spent on either blow or hookers - or a combination of both at the same time - and call it a day.
The Apple Dumpling Gang need to call it day. It's over. They can not ride again.
See, this is like when Bill Bixby decided to leave for the sequel. Sure, there was the front running showmanship of one Don Knotts and all his crazy antics ensued, but even Tim Conway couldn't save the sinking ship that was the sequel to such a classic.
Sure, Tim Matheson makes his way in with crazy banter, but it's just not Bixby. It doesn't sound like Bixby, and it doesn't come close to the smooth roar of Bixby's part we loved from the original. Did you see the stupid hat Matheson was wearing in that movie...geez.
Needless to say it's out now, and there's nothing to stop it. It may make some critic's top cheer list, and others, down the line, might say the sequel was just an unstoppable hype machine not meant for the world to see. They may say, "Knotts, your appetite only led to your own destruction. These grand illusions of laughter can't be used twice."
We can only hope that at least the people of China are satisfied with the Apple Dumpling Gang riding again. With a grand shout out, only seen in the special edition 20th anniversary DVD, Knotts declares a wall of democracy to be blanketed across the country, like the wall of amps that they come upon in the middle of the desert.
Wait, what the fuck am I talking about? Dammit, I left AMC on again while I was typing this thing...anyway...
You'll probably forget about this album in a few years, just as you'll forget about the Dr. Pepper you had as well. It was a fun ride while it lasted, but I care less now more than ever.
It is over. We can only hope that Glassjaw won't be as trite and long winded with their release. Brian Wilson lost his mind. Axl Rose lost his hair. We don't want Justin Beck to lose his skills. I hear they kill.