I'm sitting in Starbucks paying for a few hours of internet so I can do some homework and take care of a few other things while I wait for the internet to get set up at my new place.
It's been a crazy journey to this point. A lot has changed and I have to say it is all for the better. I already feel at home in my new place after one day. I am excited about a new start. I've been accepted to 3 colleges so far (UC Davis, UC San Diego, Univ of Oregon) and I am waiting to hear from Univ of Washington. My initial response is to lean toward attending UC Davis because of the stability I have established in this area. I have a job (which is more than a lot of people can say these days), I have friends here, I know the area, I wouldn't have to pay an arm and a leg to attend, and I would come out relatively strong financially and with a degree accompanied with 4 years of business experience.
Yes, the draw of going to Oregon or Washington is there. I love Eugene and I love Seattle. The areas and the colleges are magnificent. But the costs are huge, and it also involves uprooting my entire life for the 5 time in the last 3 years. To be honest, after the move this weekend, I am a bit tired of all the change. I've also come to realize that I have always yearned for something different but never really took the time to enjoy what I have. I think my family has made me want to leave this area for so long, but the truth is that with this move I have more distance from them. I don't live with my brother anymore, my mom doesn't know where I live anymore, no one does. The house is a refuge of sorts. I feel like there is no pressure when I'm there.
The move was exhausting in every way. My family fought and argued throughout it all. I was disowned by both parents repeatedly only to have them call again to yell at me. I had my brother, who just needed some guidance, getting tugged around every which way. Finally, my common sense prevailed and he went to the only certain living situation that he had at this time. His car got repossessed, but I think he has a stable environment now that will allow him to work himself back up. I can honestly say that even with the less than favorable living situation we had, I really looked out for his best interests and mine when we moved, even if it meant going against my parents and having them come down on me pretty hard.
Throughout the process, my girlfriend was amazing. I've never had anyone in my life like her. She helped more than anyone in my family ever could, and kept me going when I was breaking down due to the pressure. I couldn't even begin to repay her for what she's done for me, but I will do my best. She truly is one of a kind, not letting her go.
My friends that I have moved in with are also one of a kind. They had the help of their families and knew that I didn't, but they went to bat for me and have come through in every way. I couldn't be in a better living situation than the one I am in now.
All of this makes me want to stay. Why go and pursue change when what you have is so good? If I've distanced myself from the one thing that is difficult, my family, then why do I need to run any further? I've got the perfect combination of a house with guys I can watch sports and play pool and drink beer with and a girlfriend who is always there for me and will also want to watch sports, play pool, and drink beer. I have a good job, an acceptance letter from a great school in the area, and a fantastic place to live. Sorry if I don't really feel the pressure to leave that all behind right now.
I love you. I've never loved anyone, anything more. I hope that you can be happy.
But really. Corey, I love you. I love you with everything I have. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I thought about everything. There is nothing I should worry about. I know you love me, and I love you.
I hope that you cheer up, because I can honestly say that I am happy now. I know what I have. I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure I never, ever, ever lose it.
I'm sorry that I made you sad in the first place... I just hope you can forgive me, and we can move on with our lives together.
Just know that I think you're absolutely amazing, and to be quite frank... I wouldn't change a thing about you. Not one single hair on your head. Or arm, for that matter. Never forget that. I will always love you, Corey. Always.
Funny how things change huh? Broken promises and exaggerated feelings.
I love that my biggest mistake was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
I wouldn't take back anything... even with how shitty that year was.
Because I was that guy, and I was settling. I was 18 and I thought I had it all figured it. She was 16.
Turns out we didn't have it all figured out.
I'm glad things have changed, I'm glad we've moved on, I'm glad the mistakes were made.
But I can't say I don't look back with a heavy heart. It's going to be a while before I get that serious with anyone again.