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Getting Past the Industry to Love Music Again
Grammy Predictions and Sunday Afternoon Thoughts
02/08/09 at 02:08 PM by Adam Pfleider
It's 4 in the afternoon. Someone supposedly got stabbed in a fight at one of the bars I was standing outside of last night. If I hear the word "stimulus" one more time, I'm going to lose it.

Yet, the worst is to come. See, in just a few hours the greatest farce in the music industry will present more awards to artists who may or may not have an impact on future generations, and the only thing I can do to prepare is watch FUSE and HAVOC MUSIC on demand, sifting through the worse metal videos I can possibly come across to lessen the blow of what is to come-- no seriously, what the fuck was going on in that Cannibal Corpse video?

Also, T-Pain should get an award for this video alone:


The Grammy Awards are not without its surprises though. Let us not forget the time they screwed Metallica out of the metal award, or played it safe by giving Steely Dan "Album of the Year" over The Marshall Mathers LP.

Let us not forget the greatest travesty of them all: When they propped poor Jerry Lee Lewis up by a wooden board while he was super glued to his piano seat garbling out a decrepit version of his hit "Great Balls of Fire." You could literally see the strings from the rafters moving is hands across the keyboards.

The Grammy Awards will continue to show MTV that their VMA's will never come close to the cream of the crock of shit that is one Sunday a year.

But alas, we will watch as our beloved Van Halen--- I mean Blink 182-- reunite on stage for what is expected to be big news full of hugs and possible backstage disputes.

And the performances this year are turning into more of a spectacle than the awards. Radiohead will hopefully not do "House of Cards," which may be not only my least favorite song on In Rainbows, but in their entire catalog. Kate Perry will give the Jonas Brothers embarrasing boners on stage and ruin their contract with the Disney Corporation and CBS will be fined another $4 Billion for broadcasting child pornography.

I expect Kanye, Jay-Z and T.I. to form Voltron and try to take out Weezie in an epic Godzilla vs King Kong battle on stage that results in West's head getting too big, blowing up and taking out the first 20 rows of spectatures.

U2 will claim salvation to all by giving their entire audience their new CD to leak across the Internet, having Bono proclaim, "Go forth and rejoice and tell the people of this, the follow-up audio version to one of the best selling books of all time, The Bible."

Yes, this should be a very interesting night indeed. As for the winners, there are a few artists I would like to see get recognition for, but they were nominated, and those who are, probably won't stand a Grammy fighting chance.

Goodnight and Good Luck!
Tags: Grammys, Humor, I'm On a Boat
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