There's not many more depressing times than 2 PM on a monday. You're still far from the end of the day and there's so much more pointless class/work/tps forms to wade through. I have, though, become accustomed to college's crazy way of speeding up days. When there's lots to do, there's lots of fast forwarding. School is practically almost over this semester. Or at least it feels that way.
Had a good weekend with the family. I think my sister's friend liked what she saw, but I think yet again the distance from Dallas may be a problem. We had oodles of difficulty finding places to eat as this is a small town and every white person here invited their parents to come and, well, eat. Not much else to do other than our football game which was a bit nerveracking but otherwise fun. Barely even saw the roommates all weekend, which is kinda how it goes these days. Mom would have liked to see travis, bu the had out of town visitors as well, so that's more than understandable that he was gone as much as I was.
Noey's show was cool, like the more electric bluegrass/country sound. The guitarist joked that they were all Neil Young covers, so listen here: www.myspace.com/buckleymusic
Give those a spin and keep an eye out for hopefully some more shows if you live around here.
Got to finish some ads today so I can watch the Heroes season premiere and then all I have left is an art paper to complete by Friday. But I don't know anything about art and it's a long paper, so that'll be started tomorrow.
Hope everyone had a pleasant weekend as well and that this week goes by smoothly. Don't forget to enjoy it, though. Keeping your eye on one prize might make you miss all the little ones floating by.
I wonder if inspiration actually exists. The definition states: "Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity. The condition of being so stimulated."
Pretty pretentious. I think, much like the economic buzz word "productivity," people misunderstand what it is to be inspired. It isn't seeing something done and then tweaking it to become your own. It isn't rewording or debating a subject. I think inspiration comes from and is fueled by attachment. Something this definition skips over entirely. "Stimulate" sounds so scientific, so clinical. Maybe "invoke emotion" is more fitting. I just know that you might be inspired by something and then create something completely different, wholly unrecognizable from what actually did the inspiring. This is where the line becomes blurred. What is inspiring and what just forces imitation? I've imitated and I've been inspired. Sometimes I've been both at once. But without a clear grasp on the concept, how will I know if I actually inspired anyone? How will they know. Webster doesn't have answers, and neither does anyone else. Fuck, this is probably one of those words we have to define on our owns. Great, another one. But a challenge like this is what keeps me going. The chance for epiphany drives me. The point where WTF? becomes WTF took me so long?
I want to feel something and everything. Provide it.
A film I watched/a conversation with Adrian made me think a lot today. Here's the gist of it:
I look at all of these super creative and intelligent people around me (whether on TV, in real life, through music, etc.). I see them change lives. I see them do extraordinary things. I want that. I want to have an effect on people. I want to affect people. I want to be a writer. I want to be remembered.
Daniel Johnston knew he was going to be famous. And I will put forth the idea that was what drove him madder than anything. Not a diagnosed condition, just a yearning for something impossible. But he was famous. He is famous. And on a completely unrelated note: His relationship with his parents is one of the most heartbreaking stories in the whole world. It really bummed me out, not going to lie. And when I got off the phone with my mother just a few minutes ago, a big part of me cried out in relief. A larger part of me was thankful for everything that she had/will ever do(ne) for me. And yeah, I've put them through their fair share of heartache and trouble, and you better believe I'm sorry for that. I feel horrible about it everyday. But I thank my lucky stars that I am still, according to society, a normal, young man. They don't have to deal with depressive states or unyielding eccentricities. But at the same time, it's harder when I screw up. But at least I know how to control myself and focus on the things in this life that are important. I am thankful that I have the capability to recognize what is important in this world. They are awesome. And I'm lucky to have them.
Didn't mean to go into so much detail on that, but right now, I feel like writing. I feel like putting every thought in my head down on paper right now. And I feel like all of it's good. Which is a feeling I don't normally have. It's also times like this that make me wish I owned a typewriter. And it's times like this that remind me that I can't ever run for congress because it wouldn't be a good fit for me or for America. Where did that come from?
Just remember that you have the ability to change lives and change yourself. I am the example and the exception. That sounds pretentious, but sometimes I get tired of belittling myself. I am a cool, good person. And I just needed to see that in print. I needed to see it in bold. But I won't, because there is a difference between self-esteem and gloating. Speaking of hyphens, maybe self-actualization isn't so far down the road. It sucks that I now hear that word in relation to how to sell people stuff. That's the world I live in. That's the world I chose for myself. For now. If there's one thing that this life has shown me thus far, I can't predict anything. I never know. The things that mean the most to me right now were virtually unknown to me 4 years ago. THATS SO MUCH TIME. thats so little time. Enjoy your chances and take them all. Steal them if you have to. That's my advice to this world. Let's make history for now, forever.