I move in 10 days. I've moved so much the last few years, but I'm leaving this apartment after being here for a year and a half. In my life as it is now, that is a long time. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stressed out about everything right now. The last month has shown me, more than ever before, that my parents aren't there to back me up anymore. My mom and I are barely talking if at all. My dad is ignoring me. I'm going to barely scrape by with this move. I'll have to pack everything up myself and figure out which pieces of furniture to sell.
My brother has no idea where he's going. As much as I'd like to set him up at a new place, I can't. I already paid out of the lease. I'll have to pay the remaining utilities. I'll have to pay any additional charges after we move out of the apartment. I'm barely going to get by on my own in that sense. No one in my family seems to be willing to take him in. I don't know how I ended up being responsible for both of us, but I am. I can't believe the weight on my shoulders. I have to do what's best for me.
I don't know anymore. I still have homework to do. I'm working on a business proposal. I have bills to pay. I have a whole apartment to pack and move. I still have work five days a week. I may need a second job. I might need to ask for a raise. I think I'll be fine, but it's going to be tight. I don't know. I wish I could be a slumdog millionaire. But life doesn't work that way. Suddenly all my dreams are becoming hazy. College is becoming less likely. The Navy thing doesn't seem to be worth it unless I can do college. I feel like I'll never get out of this area, out of my current job, into a higher education and better situation.
I feel so alone. I think I'll read the poem my girlfriend wrote for me. That makes me feel like someone is there for me at least.
So I'm selling my computer and if you are interested go ahead and bid on it! I have my macbook and don't need this anymore and need the extra cash.
I'm also selling my Sidekick LX (I have an iPhone now). The phone is in great condition and comes with a charger, a car charger, and a 6GB memory card I got for it. You can store quite a few songs on it and a ton of pictures. I don't have a listing for this, so just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll discuss pricing and all that.
Anyway, enough of that. I just wannat throw in a quick update. I haven't been writing much lately cause I've been busy applying for colleges and getting other stuff together (bills, school, work). Also, I haven't seen any new movies or spun any new music so I haven't had any thoughts on those. My EOTY list was pretty extensive and took me a whole night to write, so I'm just taking a break until my first music purchase of 2009.
Um, besides that there is nothing too dramatic or anything in my life. It has been chugging along nicely. I gotta say that I love how I've taken organization to the next level by syncing my contacts and calendar with my phone and changing everything to my gmail from my hotmail. Add that to my excel spreadsheet with all my financial stuff and I'm feeling very good about life, just knowing what's going on and how much money I have and all that.
I'm leaning toward University of Washington for this fall. I should explain. I've been hellbent on Southern CA for years now and I thought about it and wondered why. I don't like hot weather and I'm indifferent to beaches. I've always wanted to go to the east coast, wear big coats and scarves, play in the snow, and just focus on school instead of partying all the time. I would definitely suggest warm-weather schools to most people, but I think the kind of person I am prefers colder weather. So, with that said I still haven't made any decisions, but Udub does have the best business school of all the colleges I applied to (U of Oregon, UCLA, UCSD). The Navy Degree Completion Program I applied for will pay me based on the cost of living of whatever school I go to, I can receive a scholarship through Blue Shield of CA because my mom works there, and I can apply for work study and work at the college when I'm attending.
Either way, I'm looking at a situation where I can go to school full-time as a business student while only working part-time and having a guaranteed job out of college. This is what I've been dreaming of since I left ASU. I've been searching for the answers to the financial problem with college for the last two years and I'm dangerously close. I'll keep you all updated.
Besides all that, life is still great. The girl might be going to Udub as well, so that's another plus! We all know how much long distance sucks.
First thing's first... My Razia's Shadow Preview will be up soon! I'm excited!
About a month ago I blogged about all the albums I still need to or can't wait to get this year. I want to have a really large catalog to choose from when I start making my EOTY lists. I've now updated the list to include albums I want that come out in October. Now, I haven't been doing great financially so I haven't been able to buy too many albums. This list should shrink in the coming weeks.
Most recent purchases:
Jack's Mannequin - The Glass Passenger
Anberlin - New Surrender House of Heroes - The End is Not the End Gym Class Heroes - The Quilt
Albums I Want:
Forgive Durden - Razia's Shadow: A Musical
Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - Not Animal Senses Fail - Life is Not a Waiting Room Funeral For A Friend - Memory and Humanity Keane - Perfect Symmetry Emery - When Broken Hearts Prevail
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
The Living End - White Noise
Person L - Initial
Anthony Green - Avalon
The Honorary Title - Scream and Light Up the Sky Underoath - Lost in the Sound of Separation
Jonzetta - Cruel to Be Young
Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
Punchline - Just Say Yes
Straylight Run - Un Mas Dos
House of Heroes - The End is Not The End
The Morning Light - S/T
Bayside - Shudder
Joshua Radin - Simple Times
Copeland - You Are My Sunshine
Astronautalis - Pomegranate
Tiger Lou - Partial Print
Quietdrive - Deliverance Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
Snowpatrol - A Hundred Million Suns
Facing New York - Get Hot
Bands I Want to Check Out:
Jet Lag Gemini
Set Your Goals
My Favorite Highway
Stages and Stereos
Any bands you guys think I would like, please comment or let me know some other way. I'm open to many types of music, but you can guess what I generally like by the bands listed above.
Okay, so honestly? Honestly? I fucking LIVE on my OWN. Okay? Let's get that through our heads everyone. Because I'm feeling like some people just don't get it.
When I say I LIVE on my OWN. I don't mean that I have a job that pays my rent or that my parents send me money to cover rent every month, I'm saying that I pay MY rent.
When I say I LIVE on my OWN. I mean that I work 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, sometimes a little overtime, and I get paid every two weeks and make about $2000 a month that immediately goes to all of my bills.
When I say I LIVE on my OWN. I mean that I go to school after work and struggle to even pay for community college tuition. I can't afford my books and have to take my calculus tests without being able to study. I have to miss class sometimes because I can't afford the gas to get there. My only time to study is from 10:00pm at night when I get home until the time I go to bed.
When I say I LIVE on my OWN. I mean that NOTHING is paid by anyone else for me. I pay $200 a month for one year of student loans, I pay $170 for car insurance, I pay $60 for cell phone, I pay about $100 for utilities, I pay credit cards, I pay for food and gas and anything else I want. I PAY for all of this.
When I say I LIVE on my OWN. I mean that there is only a certain amount of bailouts I can afford. My parents will leave me in the red and not care. My dad can't afford to send me $200 a month that he promised because he used to steal my Christmas money when I was a kid. My brother is struggling just like me. My friends use their own money for their own stuff. And this awesome girl was the only one who was willing to buy me my Calculus book.
What I am saying is, I LIVE on my OWN. I'm 20, I'm poor, I'm struggling, and I don't have much support. So when I can't afford a trip to LA, I have to think about the fact that if I did go, I would probably come back to an evicted apartment. I'm sorry that some people can't fathom that idea, but this is my life. So HONESTLY, all I ask is that you try to understand before you shit on my situation. Because I stay happy for the most part as long as no one else tries to tell me that I am a piece of shit because I had to break a promise to SURVIVE.
I stay happy with all of this, and if you can't understand that then I don't need you. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm not worth something, because I'm honestly worth more than a lot of people I know...
Not for the artists of course, I'm talking about how buying music takes money from my pocket... and those pockets are empty for another month most likely. I'm spending less than $100 a week on incidentals (gas, food, etc) and I'm still barely scraping by. My bank account has been living in the red. I get paid tomorrow, but that will just be enough to cover bills for next week, then the next pay period will be just enough to cover my rent and my trip to LA to see the UCLA game.
And that weekend will be my last hurrah until late November when my 8-week, Fri-Sun Statistics class ends. That's right, I'm going to have a class on Friday nights and Sunday mornings. At least that will prevent me from going out and spending money... because I know that on the weekends when I'm not in class I'll just want to stay at home and chill out, which is the cheapest way to spend the weekend.
But that's not the point. I've been spinning my MVP mix for two weeks now. I keep reading these awesome reviews and hearing about all these good albums and I can't afford them! I'm not a downloader usually and I don't plan to be now. But I need new music! Damn, this sucks. I feel helpless. Someone donate money so I can buy new music.
Nah, I wouldn't ask you to donate just so I can buy new music, but I will ask you to donate to the American Heart Association for my upcoming Heart Walk! (nice seagueway huh?)