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The Remnants of Uncertainty...
I am an Artist
01/25/10 at 02:38 AM by cassusriff
I am an artist of reality.
I paint a picture of simple things.
My brushes are deliberate
My intent is purposeful
My picture is misery.

I am an artist of lost dreams.
I mold a model of empty things.
My shapes are dull
My corners are rounded
My model is a hidden plea.

I am an artist of faithlessness.
I sing a song of apathy.
My notes are flat
My lyrics are uninspired
My song is a machine.

I am an artist of melancholy.
I write the words of disparity.
My penmanship is sloppy
My words are forced
My rhetoric lacks of glee.

I am an artist.
I create the art of true feeling.
My effort is sound
My heart is real
I am an artist.

Even when I'm off beat.
Tags: poetry, might as well give it a shot, feels good, personal, whatever
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10/07/08 at 10:05 PM by cassusriff
I've been searching for something real and tangible. Something strong and everlasting. Something that bends but never breaks. Something that folds but never tears.

I've sought this out in material and friends and experiences and family and false hope and fake love.

I've believed and believed even when I don't believe. I've seen what has been invisible to me. I've touched what isn't even there. I've done this, knowing... but really, hoping, that it would appear one day. That my blind faith would reward me and I could finally ride on cloud 9 with karma by my side.

What I've discovered is that it does exist, but it doesn't mean that life unfolds so easily after you find it. I've discovered that though you can have one very bright light guide you through a cave, you will still find darkness in some areas.

I've discovered that happiness comes with sacrifice, dedication, strength.

But you know what I also have discovered?

Purity. Clarity. Trust. Compassion. Love. Strength. Commitment. Peace. Euphoria.

I've seen it all in her eyes.

So the fight is worth it. No one will understand the battle. No one will understand the pain and the struggle. No one will understand why it's all worth it.

But the best part?

No one else will get to feel the reward. No one else will know how much it really is worth it. No one will know how great it feels to have what you fight so hard for.

And when that time comes for me, I will never regret a single bad moment I had to experience to get there.

Because it really is worth it.
Tags: personal, poetry
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Under The Same Sky
09/24/08 at 12:41 AM by cassusriff
I wrote these lyrics about someone special. My friend Jason is currently working on some music to it, so I'll post the song once we get it all finished! Enjoy!

Under the Same Sky

Oh you poor girls
You make me regret
The things you do to yourselves
I've hung around
With my lack of self
And I've taken your hits
But the shield is up now

You see, She came and saved me
She was the one who saw me clearly

And coast to coast
The sun is rising
Over here it's still the night
But she said,
Though we're worlds apart
We're still under the same sky

The parallels
The symmetry
It's uncanny
We're intertwined
We extend our vines
So imagine that we lie
Here tonight

You see, She came and saved me
She was the one who saw me clearly

And coast to coast
The sun is rising
Over here it's still the night
But she said,
Though we're worlds apart
We're still under the same sky
Tags: song, lyrics, relationships, love, girls, poetry, music, personal
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09/17/08 at 02:14 AM by cassusriff
Think with me for a few minutes.

Think about your life. Your world. Your existence. Think about what it means. What is important to you. What matters to you. Think about all these things for just a little bit.

Now try something different and think about something else. Think about what's going on in the world and what you can do. I know it's daunting and I know it doesn't seem like there is much you can do. I always like to say that, "If the world is an orchestra, I am but one small instrument." But one small instrument can provide another harmony, another swelling chord, another overtone. One small instrument can sabotage the orchestra. One small instrument can lead the orchestra into a powerful chorus. And combined, many small instruments are what make the orchestra as big and great as it is.

So lets end that metaphor and get back to the point. You mean something. There is more to life than trudging along at the speed of traffic. More to life than what you own. More to life than all your success and popularity.

I think about the great moments of my life. And while images of my curtain calls on stage or my awards or my big moments in front of large groups of people stand out, what rises above are the simple things. The time I told a group of random strangers to pull their car up to the gas pump so I could give them a few gallons to get home because they were broke. Or the time I gave a $1000 scholarship just because I wanted to and helped a high school senior pay for college a little easier, or this heart walk I'm about to do, which I have raised over $200 for that will go to the American Heart Association. I think about the countless friends I've helped find jobs, or helped get through tough times, or took out for a fun time when things weren't going well for them. I think about my family and how we always come back together in the end. I think about the love I've had and not the love I've lost.

I think about these things. And that is where I find meaning. And I'm not trying to come off holier-than-thou here or try to make myself out to be a saint, because I certainly haven't been among the best people in the world.

What I am trying to say is that life matters beyond my nice apartment and my nice TV and my nice phone and computer and iPod and everything else.

I'm just your typical American, I live paycheck to paycheck, I stress over a full time job and I go to college and spend money I don't have so I can eventually get a degree and earn more money so that I can buy a house with money I don't have right after I finish paying off my college loans. I find time for fun when I can. I find happiness in small gestures and small moments and I get by with that. I stress and worry and hope and dream like anyone else. But what I am saying is to think about how lucky we are that we can even do these things. Think about where you are in your life and before you sell yourself short or lament your situation, think about people elsewhere in your city, state, country, or the world that don't have the luxury to even consider dropping an unfavorable situation for another. Think about that... and then tell me you aren't happy with at least one aspect of your life.

Now think about how you can be a small, but effective instrument, because this orchestra isn't going to conduct itself unless we all decide to play together.
Tags: poetry, video, musings, thoughts, personal, life, opportunity
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Disappearing Act
08/27/08 at 07:14 PM by cassusriff
I wonder what life would have been like
if you were still by my side.
I try to push the idea that these dreams
live and die with this pretense.

I've fought for almost a year now
and your memory is so persistent.
I've nearly died from this pain
I'm thinking I may never love again.

I once dreamed of a world with you and me
A world where you was all I could see.
I made this mistake and you led me there
and now I'm stuck with my reflection in the mirror.
I see you now and I don't see you.
I see other girls and they don't compare to you.

I wish I could hear something else
besides the echo of my voice.
I wish I could see you again
I wish we could make the past pretend.

So today, and now, and for the distant future
I walk alone with your ghost on my shoulders.
You are practically dead to me
Because I haven't heard your voice in forever it seems.

This is worse than it seems
This is me losing you completely.
This is me trying to figure out things
Without you, it doesn't seem like reality.

Without you, it all seems

Like it shouldn't be.
Tags: poetry, personal, relationships
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One Word: Severe
08/12/08 at 10:31 PM by cassusriff

this cut is severe.

we are trying to patch you up.

but the blood won't clot.

try not to think of the pain.

just think of the cure.

think of the way to make it heal.

and try to stop the bleeding for now.

don't let this scar.

don't let it be so severe.
Tags: oneword.com, poetry, severe
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One Word: Diamond
08/07/08 at 09:22 PM by cassusriff

i look for something as rare.

as precious.

as beautiful.

but too many diamonds are manufactured.

too many diamonds are fake.

too many diamonds are exaggerated.

so i search.

i dig.

and i long for that one.


diamond in the rough.
Tags: oneword.com, diamond, poetry
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One Word: Triangle
08/05/08 at 10:48 PM by cassusriff

the shape of love.

the shape of lust.

we get tangled in three corners.

we bend the lines.

we represent unity and confusion.

we represent lies.

the heart should be shaped like a triangle.

for it never seems to be a straight line.
Tags: oneword.com, poetry, triangle
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Hey Mom
07/31/08 at 02:22 PM by cassusriff
I love proving you wrong.

I love doing things on my own.

I love not really needing you anymore.

I love how I always overcome your lack of support.

I love how I can admit when I'm wrong or when I've failed and you can't.

I love how I'm your only stable son and you still support me the least.

I love how you worry when there is nothing to worry about with me.

I love how money is what separates us.

I love how we just can't agree anymore.

But I really don't love these things.

I just wish you were there for me.
Tags: personal, poetry, mom, son, fights
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One Word: Drive
07/25/08 at 12:46 PM by cassusriff

just drive away.

drive me to a new place.

don't be afraid.

the money we have will get us far enough away.

and if you can't stomach that.

i'll drive alone.

it's about time we left this place anyway.

i'm ready to drive.

are you?
Tags: oneword.com, drive, poetry
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One Word: Villain
07/15/08 at 07:20 PM by cassusriff



the evil person.

the bad deeds.

we idolize the villain.

if nothing else for his lack of conscience.

his character.

his evil.

we are all the villain every now and then.

wishing to discover who we are within.
Tags: oneword.com, villain, poetry
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One Word: Adore
07/10/08 at 01:58 PM by cassusriff

i adore you.

and this place.

i know it's hard to believe.

but i do.

i'll miss it all.

even the sticky heat.

the stupid things.

all the drama.

i adore the good and the bad.

but it's time to move on.
Tags: oneword.com, adore, poetry
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Construction. Confusion. Clarity.
06/18/08 at 04:47 PM by cassusriff
My life is under construction.

Please take the detour. Don't mind the rough roads.

We are driving a long way and the ride is going to be bumpy. We don't have very good direction, we just know we are heading somewhere. People talk about the takeoff. People talk about the destination. But no one talks about how hard it is to get there. No one talks about the long road, how we get lost along the way, how we falter and how we risk our lives for every mile we drive.

I'm 8 hours from home. But I am home now. I am in between. I'm not broken down, but I'm not finished yet. I'm in repair, but I'm also adding something new. I'm under construction.

It's so confusing.

We're dancing in circles. We live on clouds and we crash hard to the ground. Cloud 9 to the 9th circle of hell. Anger and fear. Elation and ignorance. We play dangerous games in silly ways.

We hate. We love. We float above and swim below. There is no medium. We are outliers away from the bell curve.

Nothing makes sense, but we don't want it to. No one gets it, but we do.

Our confusion is frustrating, but at least it's ours.

All we need is a little clarity.

That's all I seek. I don't know where you stand, but I'm searching through the cloudy days. And though my blood pressure is rising and I'm yearning, I'm smiling through the haze.

Waiting for phone calls and e-mails. Money isn't falling like it should. I'm living outside my means. I'm watching days go by and I'm not gaining. I'm not getting closer to anything.

Patience is a virtue, but it taunts me. Patience begs me to give in and fight and ruin the potential.
And the longer I wait for patience, the further I get from clarity. It adds more damage to my construction, more confusion to my purgatory. I drift further from change and being content seems less possible each day.

Don't make me love the home I'm leaving so much that I hate my new home.

No. I don't want that. All I want is to know the road I'm heading. I want to know what I'm constructing, I want to end the confusion.

I just want...

Tags: poetry, life, clarity, confusion, construction, love, moving, san diego
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The Lesson and the Fear...
06/04/08 at 12:45 AM by cassusriff
Today is another crazy day in the crazy life in this crazy world.

It's strange how I feel right now...
Nothing wrong
But I feel like something is hanging over me
I feel like something is looming...

This is the calm before the storm...

Get me out of here before I drown

But the water looks friendly.
The ocean is blue and beautiful.
Sunsets on sandy terrain and clear skies.

Two beautiful entities reflect upon each other
Until they meet at the horizon.
The sun rests between the sky and the ocean.
It all seems so peaceful.

And yet, I feel clouds coming.

I feel storms brewing...

My stomach is empty and my heart is strained.
My eyes are bloodshot and my mind is stained.
I want to refrain and live and love and escape the lies,
yet I can't help but wonder...

Why? Why now?

I can't ask you to do this
You've been too good already
I need to hold steady
I need to be ready

But my heart is so heavy.

I can't grasp this
I can't ask for more than this
But I can't handle it
And I can't let that ruin it.

No, this time the good will stay.
Tags: poetry, fear, love, beach, sky
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04/18/08 at 02:31 PM by cassusriff
I'm in this place.

This sea of fire deep below the earth with a sizeable lack of air. Encouraged by the signs of beauty and the ground I can set my feet upon, but downtrodden and melacholy from the faint signs of life down here.

There is very little air and I steal it quickly while the flames take the rest. I've escaped, yes, from the terrains and the heavy sun, the thick air and the angry river. I've walked through the life and the death, love and despair, pain and pleasure.

Father left me, mother left me, brother and sister left me, friends left me. The seasons lay their will upon me. I'm weary and cold, angry and sweaty, short of breath and weighed down.
Four different moons glare at me. Four different suns blind me. Some of the moons are partial, some are full. Some suns are barely seen through clouds and haze, some illuminate the sky and set it on fire.

Every step bleeds and breaks my skin. The linens have shredded and faded. The bones have weakened. The eyes have lost color in lieu of water. They drown in beauty and disaster. They die soon if not rested.

inspired by Thrice - The Alchemy Index
I lose touch with the world. I live simply in the depths while searching for the essentials. My weakened eyes look around for answers and for sight. My limbs move progressively slower like a dying engine. My skin a weakened shield about to give way. I clench my teeth, hold my breath, bite my tongue and taste blood.

I live in this place.

I give my body to this place.
Tags: thrice, poetry, life
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Last Updated: 05/25/11 (213,688 Views)
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