Sitting here working on some homework (have to write an essay on Apocalypse Now), and I have Jimmy Kimmel on in the background. Go figure, he has -- of all the guests in the world -- the goddamn Jonas Brothers on tonight.
Alright, let me rant for a second here, because I just find these little boys to be smug, unfunny and delusional when trying to act mature in front of national media.
Now I think it's great that young girls (and by young, I mean ages 7-14, max) have a new "band" to look up to and fawn all over, pin up in their room, etc. However, I become a tad concerned when you're 18 and are considered "the biggest Jo-Bro fan ever." I remember when I was a freshman, the asshole I shared a locker with was mad for Britney. It was humiliating each time I would open my locker up, as I tried to shield the images from the public. One day, this older girl notices and says to me, "You have a thing for Britney Spears, huh?" I told her they weren't mine and she continues, "It's cool -- I was admiring them, because that's pretty much what my room looks like, only my walls are covered with pics of Leo (DiCaprio)." Note that this is around 1999, two years after Titanic had been a huge succes. Not only did I feel like this chick had gotten too personal, I just found it kind of pathetic. Didn't she have college applications to fill out? What was she doing? Writing her essay about her fascination with Leonardo DiCaprio?
These girls have stereotypes written all over them: homely, overweight, awkward... honestly, you should be over that phase in your life of pinning pictures of them on your bedroom wall or locker door by the time you are 15. That's when you drop the obsession and have crushes -- not full-blown wax statues, paintings, bedspreads covered with some band that will fade in time just like the rest of the boy band crowds. I mean, come on, really -- are you going to ever claim the Jonas Brothers were creative masterminds? I doubt it. Go ahead and listen to your BSB and N'SYNC as a nostalgic trip to your youth, but calling them pop geniuses is not something anyone can do with a serious face. Focus on driving and boys at your own school, not Disney Channel creations who can't even play their own instruments (at least try to keep it a secret, dudes -- even Milli Vanilli did!).
The girl they had on Kimmel tonight tonight embarrassed herself by knowing more about the Jonas Brothers than they did (creeeee-per), admitted she can't make decisions for herself (after all, low self-esteem is the calling card for girls like this), and had a picture of her beefy self sitting next to a shrine of these smarmy little dicks.
Isn't it strange to think that one of those boys is of legal drinking age? That would freak me out to know my young daughter has the hots for the kind of dude I knew back in community college, 21 and cruising for vulnerable high school chicks.
Although, I'm pretty sure he's gay, so that's a relief to all fathers.
VH1 used to be a guilty pleasure channel for me. Flavor Flav, Mini-Me, a plethora of countdowns on nearly every topic you could imagine involving "RAWK" and, on occasion, they even play music videos (like Cher's "Believe" or Enrique's "Hero" -- oh, mi amor!).
Recently, my rage has increased ten-fold becase any time I flip by VH1, it's either a rerun of "I Love Money," VH1's version of "Real World/Road Rules" challenge with the worst people to ever exist ever, or an advertisement for whatever version of "_____ of Love" they plan on airing.
At this moment, there are three reality dating shows featuring *ahem* "celebrities" on them. Now, let me be clear when I use that word, "celebrities," I am only usuing it because I figured douchebags wouldn't be clear enough.
Bret Michaels... what the fuck are you doing? One: Poison sucked. They will always be nothing more than a novelty band that wrote party songs and sappy ballads. "Unskinny Bop"? What the fuck does that even mean, man? Every time I hear one of your putird solo songs on VH1, they're about trying to nail some dumb whore -- and you wonder why you can't find true love. Could it be because you pick sluts who leave their legs open so much, John L. Scott hangs signs from their taint? Maybe the whole "I wanna maryy a stripper" thing is not really going to work out as well as you hope -- fuck, even Playboy Bunnies are skanky, but at least they are classy skanks and date successful musicians.
The other asshole is from another dating show -- he has no prior celebutard experience other than trying to fuck that New York bitch. Lord only knows why -- that chick looks like a stoned Gary Coleman with plastic tits. Sorry -- I digress.
Now I doubt these pricks are really serious about the results -- getting laid by 25 girls itching for your jock is a rather tempting offer when you're a gigantic douchebag. Ray-J, strictly known for two reasons -- he fucked Kim Kardashian and documented it, and his sister is Moesha, is getting a dating show too. Maybe he's looking for another bedonkadonk-driven skank to film with? Who knows -- point is, there are too many hopeless dickwads on TV nowadays, scoring with ridiculously braindead women who are neither attractive (unless you like your ladies skanky, diseased and as smart as a stick of butter!) nor intriguing enough to root for.
I understand VH1 is not the only offender here -- MTV, the channel's sister station, is fascinated with Myspace-made 20-somethings who I think are actually mops with clothes on. Tila Tequila, that overdone pint-sized bisexual moron, and Brody Jenner, Musclehead Weekly's "Douche of the Year," have each received their turn in the spotlight -- and all it does for me is add one more layer of severe disappointment for where our world is headed.
Now that we have elected Obama and gotten rid of Bush... maybe television will improve?
Whilst staying up quite late over the holiday break, I often see a lot of the same ads during SportsCenter. Needless to say, commercials are obnoxious as all hell -- Extendz, FinallyFast.com, any ad about credit reports... you just have to wonder who falls for these scam products & who in their right mind is stupid enough to find their low-budget clamoring believable.
My biggest nitpick right now is the ad for some kind of money clip. Apparently, money clips seem to be the coolest thing since Keds, and the ads are trying to make the argument that wallets -- the leather-bound or velcro-encroached booklet where you can neatly store all your cash, credit cards and 1-900 numbers -- are a pain in the ass -- LITERALLY!
(Hold for LOLs)
Really now... if you have difficulty sitting down with a wallet because you've stuffed more bullshit into it than Georg Costanza, you deserve ass cramps and back spasms. The image on the commercial shows a man with a wallet that looks like it was stuffed by a taxidermist. It's overflowing with wads of paper I am most certain he does not need -- does he not have access to a manila envelope or a file folder of some kind? Does he keep every tax document in there? Seriously guy, paranoia check.
Point is, wallets are not an object that deserve supreme exaggeration. Money clips have always seemed like an easy way to cut out the middle man when getting mugged or a way pricks who always carry $50's like to show off in order to date rape innocent co-eds. How hard is it to flip open a wallet and grab your shit? You're really that lazy -- or arrogant -- to flash it off to everyone? "Hey look peoples! I got some cash and a debit card! And here's my Subway Club Card! Only one more hole punch left for a free soft drink!"
I am defending wallets here, a sanctity to our well-being. Forget this money clip that can withstand the menacing blades of a blender -- I want my right-side back pocket to be looking snazzy and bootylicious, baby. Give me a wallet any day of the week -- you take your money clip and you enjoy losing it, because goddamn it... I'm an American. And we do wallets here, amigo!
Maybe I'm just getting old, but my tolerance for immaturity and complete lack of respect is dying rather fast. Whether it's here as a staff member or around campus or between friends, I am simply fed up with the off-the-cuff attitude some people have when it comes to respecting rules, relationships or others in general.
Recently, I've had to kick people out of my life for being completely irrational tools who refuse to latch onto reality and act their age. Do you know how tiring and frustrating that is? There is a time and a place for acting like a goofball... there's also a time and a place to give it up.
I haven't notcied such an onslaught of such behavior until recently, so that gives me the task of being a total dick, which I hate being. However, when it comes to being honest, I am who I am. Several individuals would rather float through life, living a reality that has become distorted and processed with materialistic items or unattainable hopes. Bring yourself down to earth for a few short moments, collect your thoughts and grasp the fact you are never always 100% the person you believe yourself to be. All of us live in a state of denial, in some way, shape or form -- understanding how much of this life we live like that is the key.
Coming down from my soapbox now. I just need to go off sometimes -- it's one of my specialties.
Which got me thinking about how much something bothers me.
Note: If you haven't noticed by now, a lot of things irritate me -- it's kind of my niche, my forte if you will.
My biggest pet peeve is spelling and grammar. It's one thing to misspell words that are difficult for a majority of us (say, something like "gargantuan") because let's face it: if you don't use a word on a daily basis, chances are you are going to need to look it up just to make sure. If you have Firefox, it does the task for you (spell check: utilize that tool, muthafucka) -- so no excuses.
However, my current predicament with the ongoing stupidity of the internet community (and it grows by the trillions each day) are those who just can't do the basics of comprehensive English grammar. Placing commas in the correct places, using apostrophes (are they just too passe to consider nowadays?) and ensuring your sentences make fucking sense! Looking through our very own Personal Life forum is a task in its own, but try browsing our very own Myspace and check out some of the ridiculous pleas for help (as I refer to them) from idiots who need a good slap in the face, followed by a lesson in the ABC's of first-grade English. Really, it isn't hard to spell right -- you just need to be, well ... intelligent enough to realize you spell everything like a true asshole.
We all know the nitpickers here who correct the spelling when people use "your" when they ought to be using "you're," and frankly, I appreciate the nagging -- the sooner you realize it's not just for humorous purposes and is a red flag about your lack of care for common decency (your brain needs to be nurtured, people!), it will make your life - and ours - so much easier. "They're," "there" and "their" -- if you can't tell me the difference on the uses of these, please go away. You are meaningless to me and the world and I'm sure watching an episode of "Spongebob Squarepants" can become increasingly difficult for you.
Call me a prick, label me a condescending know-it-all -- but goddamn it, it's imperative that we ditch the internet lingo and spell like we should be. I'm talking to you Myspace, Facebook, YouTube and last.fm -- this is all your fault!
And people wonder how Bush got elected twice ... half the population doesn't even know how to use a fucking semicolon. That is a blinking distress signal for help if I ever saw one.
The most discouraging element to me concerning this election right now is just how many young people are out there who have the ability and the privilege to vote ... but are not informed or educated enough to make the right decision. By that, of course, I mean a decision that they can truly believe in and back up -- don't pick a candidate because you like the way they spoke at a rally or because they "look presidential" ... pick whoever is making the right choices for you as a citizen, as an American.
I'm beginning to lose a great amount of hope in the direction our country is heading simply due to the fact that many young people are not taking this election seriously. If you are 18 and can vote, you should be doing so, and making sure you are educated enough to make the best decision in what just might be the most crucial presidential election we will see in our generation.
If people can't see the flaws in ethics the McCain campaign has demonstrated this entire campaign or at least recognize the fact that Obama is being treated unfairly by several voters, you aren't paying close enough attention and need to retreat back to your shanties come November 4th. It concerns me when I see billboards reading "Obama = Osama" or when I hear people say, "I like Sarah Palin -- she's a regular person, like me!" Are people really this ignorant? Do people somehow miss the foresight, the logic (or lack thereof) in such things? Sure, I'm a liberal guy and I'm biased in some regard, but it really worries me to see people refuse to learn and take what the media gives them.
Go learn about these candidates, their tactics, what they want to do, how they will do it and who these people are -- you need to know this, it's incredibly important. I can't emphasize that enough to a young group of individuals who are experiencing their first chance to participate in the greatest thing we are able to do as Americans: VOTE!
What's really fun about this election is when you find yourself, a truth-seeker if you will, doing the job every American ought to be doing -- which is educating some know-it-all who doesn't have one iota of working brain in their shell of a head, who doesn't understand what this election means. I feel sorry for those who don't have any interest in this election, because if our country goes to shit, they'll be the ones looking around asking what happened ... and we're going to have to take them out to the field like Old Yeller and ...
I'm really sick of the word "maverick" being used so casually by Sarah Palin. It made me smile last night when Joe Biden took a little air of that word's tires and let Palin know she is by no means a "maverick".
She was not in Top Gun. She does not play professional basketball. She is not James Garner.
How does this woman get away with her transparency in the media? Last night, she was praised for not being an absolute train wreck, all the while being as phony as a politician could possibly be, repeating herself ad nauseum about hockey moms, being the governor of Alaska, yadda yadda bullshit.
I felt like Biden was at least being human and being honest - and at least he knew his facts, never backed down from small jabs at Palin's ego and didn't reference a Civil War general being in Iraq.
Just because I'm a pretty liberal guy doesn't mean I'm simply hating on McCain/Palin because they are conservative - it's because of their politics. And because frankly, "Gollum" McCain is an asshole who can't agree with himself and calls the media "gotcha journalism" (because airing unrelated sound clips made by you is very gotcha!).
I never really cared for Katie Couric or any network news anchors ... however, they get it more than Sean Hannity and other cable news asshats and aren't afraid of calling Palin out on her idiocity.
They call it a witchhunt ... but correct me if I'm wrong: Palin is safe from that, right?
Welcome to the first of several segments I shall call "Chris' Rant Corner". I have many issues that tend to bug me, and I will add my humorous input in a rant-like fashion on such topics that irritate me to any degree. I do not hold back, so if you are easily offended ... oh well. That's your problem now, isn't it?
Already off to a good start, eh? Let's do this.
If you are anywhere over the age of 8 years old, then you are NOT ALLOWED to do any of the following things, because they are not cute, funny or ironic in a humorous way:
1. Wear a tiara. I do not care if it is your sweet sixteen, your 21 run or it's a "Girl's Day" ... it's simply annoying and tacky.
2. Wearing shirts that contain messages such as "Rocker Girl," "Princess" or any other name you believe you are worthy of claiming you are. Nothing is more obnoxious than a girl with an identity problem, especially if they are ugly.
3. Lots and lots of make-up. You are not a prostitute, are you? And you're most certainly not on television or movies ... so tone it down a few notches. Or maybe several. If I can't recognize you without your make-up on or mistake you for Jeffree Star ... then you are putting far too much on.
With such a rough go on our economy this week, I can't help but continue to think about everything but that.
Don't get me wrong - I still have a passionate angst for the McCain/Palin bandwagon, I am just focusing more on sports right now. I suppose the story about Oklahoma City selling out tickets to the team they stole from us gets at me ... as does a 4-game sweep by the Kansas City Royals over my beloved (but admittedly awful) Mariners - a feat the Royals have not accomplished (a sweep over us) in 19 years.
Seeing that it's football season, I'm quite concerned for Sunday afternoon's Seahawks/Rams game - a game that I should be going to, mind you - simply because I am in utter disbelief over what treacherous misfortunes my teams are having (I am a UDub Husky fan, as well). Now let's be honest here: the Rams are terrible. They have no one to keep that team afloat, and on both sides of the game, they just don't have any stability.
Now, the Seahawks on the other hand, have one of the league's best defensive squads - despite what the past two games might tell you - and the recent signing of Koren Robinson (a former Hawk) is crucial to our passing game. Surely Hasselbeck won't be on his A-game still (likely, he'll only complete 50-60% of his passing attempts), but if we can just have options and not have them get fucking injured ... that would be all we need.
It's never fun to have all your teams stink. Year after year, I have to deal with disappointment in my sports franchises. When the Hawks were the NFL's whipping post, I had the Sonics and M's to pick up the pace. In recent years, it was turned around - however, with only one fall option this year (seeing that the Huskies are nowhere near ready to compete with their Pac-10 rivals), I can't rest easy until I am certain the Hawks will be ready for takeoff.
I suppose, if necessary, I could turn to the Storm ... if all else fails.
The closer we get to this election, and the more that happens each day to our nation ... the more I fear we are doomed for the worst. Judging strictly by the morons who pop up in any politically-themed thread here (and by that, I mean those that are ill-informed and quite ignorant), I am truly concerned for the future of our country.
People are far too up in arms about the petty things, believing everything the media tells them, not fully educating themselves on the issues/candidates ... and how dare we take a moment and inject a little humor into this campaign! Serious business!
It makes me cranky. I wish people would just ... grow up, allow their minds to develop, inform themselves correctly.
The next month and a half is going to be exhausting, and I'm not even involved in this election other than being a simpleton voter.
I'm going to be a great parent, for one. Because after seeing how the youth is, especially the females, I know I have a lot to do in order to make sure my children are intelligent, have a good head on their shoulders and don't act idiotic on an entirely different level than my generation was as teenagers.
We're all dumb at that age ... but today's market is bringing it to a whole other level. Whatever happened to good parenting? Why is it every time I see/meet/hear about teenagers, they come from shitty fucking pasts? Makes me so sick.
Here's where I get really pissed though: I have met some incredible individuals on here who were dealt a bad hand in their lives, and they've been able to take the reigns and have control over difficult circumstances. Are their resources any better than someone who can afford to be on the internet, enjoy scene bands and be a typical teenager? Something tells me there is no real excuse in this matter.
I've seen some real fuck ups in my life ... but good God, is this what it's coming to? I'm almost 25, in college and I could do a far better job at raising a child and having it turn out healthy than most people pumping out kids could. My biggest pet peeve are bad parents and oversensitive people who can't seem to handle the awful truth. Sorry world ... if you can't deal with my nitpicking, how will you ever make it out there where I am the least harsh one?
This does not relate to the current onslaught of AP.net-related drama, but how can some people in this day and age be so goddamn ignorant? It amazes me that this is what some of us are coming to. Things just don't seem to have the same amount of substance and worth as they once did. I'm glad I am the age I am right now - I don't think I could tolerate the massive amount of blissfully ignorant teenagers skipping around.
Seeing The Dark Knight tonight - there was unfortunately no midnight screening for me last night, so I have to go after work later on. I'm sure I'll see it twice in a row if I am as mesmerized as I know I'll be. I've been a Batfan (see what I did there?) since I was an infant so this is one of those holy moments you feel is just for you (all Batman fans feel this way right now). My most anticipated film of 2008, definitely - maybe even the movie I've been looking forward to more than I can ever remember. I'm not simply getting a hard-on because everyone else is - I have good fucking reason!
This will be the cap to the shitty week I've had - glad to see it's all worked out in the end, even if I'm still not the most motivated and highly-regarded summer class student in the world.
After seeing how everything works around here on the site, I've come to grow a substantial amount of respect for how we present everything to the world. Everything looks so smooth and runs like a dream; the community is large and allows enough space so you don't always have the shitty people clumped together; we have a remarkably dedicated and hard working staff (especially that new guy they hired a month and a half ago); and we don't resort to taking shit from other sites. We simply do things our way, it works beautifully ... and some people can't take the heat.
I've been browsing our "competition" lately and come to realize how truly terrible other music sites that devote a large amount of attention to this "scene" are. They look amateurish, can't seem to offer anything new to the ever-growing list of music sites and they are careless in posting news and, most importantly, can't distinguish a great record from a piece of shit.
What site can honestly call themselves a self-respecting online music source when they are handing out 10/10 album scores to The Maine and Cute is What We Aim For? I mean, really? Really? The Maine? 10 out of fucking 10? Blow me, you don't know shit about good music.
This leads me to believe that my hard work of writing well-thought out reviews that carefully present my critique to an audience is not being read how I would like to a widespread music-loving group of people. I almost feel like points are missed and skipped over simply because of how defensive people get after seeing AltPress, Skyline Press and whatever other shitty music site gives a perfect score. Maybe we here at AP.net aren't so quick to throw out gold stars to everyone who records an album, we are subjected to stubborn listeners who would praise a guy with chronic flatulence signed to Fueled By Ramen with a dance-beat in the background of his farts. Just because it's cool now, doesn't mean in 7 years, you'll think The Secret Handshake's songwriting skills deserve a 10 out of fucking 10.
You think we're crazy because we aren't telling people every pop band's album isn't a masterpiece? You think we lose credibility because an album you hate isn't rated as high as an album someone else might hate? Get it through your thick skulls that any opinion is objective; you can either agree or disagree - you are not the only source. My task as a reviewer is to get you to understand where I am coming from to a whole angle of people with different tastes. If you don't see what I see, maybe you're not reading close enough - or perhaps you just don't see things the way I happen to.
We just respect the hard work of a band recording an album enough to give it an honest opinion and listen. We cannot be expected to praise everything, no matter how trendy or hip it might be. Sure, so-and-so is great now but what about down the road? Not everything we hear today will be remembered & praised down the line, whether it be 2009 or 2046. But hey - if your Bitch's Brew or Songs in the Key of Life is Riot! or Boys Like Girls ... well, I just feel bad for you.
For all my life, I have been a big basketball nut. Sure, in recent years I've become more fascinated by the pure, raw intensity of NCAA hoops, however I still have a deep affection for the NBA. After all, it has given me some of the best sports moments I can ever remember, especially from growing up - and it's provided some of the worst (1994's upset of Denver over Seattle still sticks in my mind, especially Shawn Kemp just lying on the KeyArena floor).
Considering 41 years of Seattle SuperSonics history has kept all Washington State basketball fans going with some remarkably talented players throughout the years (Gus Williams, Fred Brown, Gary Payton, Ray Allen - just to name a few), it's come to the end of a incredibly frustrating, if not totally wasteful, year with the team relocating to the vast sports wasteland of Oklahoma City. Yeah, I could probably list a million reasons why I fucking loathe Sonics owner Clay Bennett and NBA Commissioner David Stern, why they are liars, carpetbaggers and don't give a fuck about a city who didn't turn their back on their hometown team until they came into the picture ... but I'll keep things light and smooth.
The expectations are now simple: team moves for next season, city of Seattle is "awarded" $45 million and in three years, if we don't lock-down a new team, Bennett will owe us $30 million more. The chances of us getting another team, let alone a "NBA-approved" arena are slim to none, which really feels like a swift kick to the ballsack. Who am I to turn to for my local hoops needs? The Storm? The Huskies? I'm better off supporting my 3A university team of nobody's.
Too many swirling emotions come to mind when I think of the heyday this team had in the 90's. Shit, we won two phenomenal games versus the 1996 Chicago Bulls (arguably the greatest NBA team to ever play the game) in the NBA Finals. As a 12-year-old with no prior experience having your favorite team head to the championship round, it was quite exciting, even if I knew we were going to lose against Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Lots of turmoil has followed the Supes around since their inception, yet none of it mattered until a cowboy had to buy the team, pull the wool over the eyes of an entire city and leave town with the last laugh.
Sure, the team name and history is kept here ... but it's not the same. You can leave the heart and soul here, yet we'll all know it's a replacement. Cleveland Browns fans have to feel a bit of the same way, considering you're simply getting a team in place of the one that left - it doesn't feel the same ever again; everything's a tad askew from thereon out.
I know the current roster may not be a dream team, but they don't want to leave. Perhaps Seattle will garner the last laugh eventually, but right now, it feels like someone has stolen the air from our lungs. It's a strange feeling to me knowing I can't look forward to November's Opening Day. And with the Mariners reigning supreme as the worst team in the MLB, it's difficult to find any glimmer of hope in the current sports scene (yes, I know the Seahawks still have hope but that isn't until September).
Here's to a initial losing season, Oklahoma City. Fuck you.