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The Remnants of Uncertainty...
Two Paths
12/16/09 at 05:32 AM by cassusriff
I just stayed up all night mapping out the rest of my undergraduate college career. Based on a bunch of things that happened during summer quarter and fall quarter, and by that I mean illness, personal life issues, money issues, not being prepared for the quarter system, not being prepared for the difficulty of my classes, etc, I have had to completely reconstruct the next three quarters (winter, spring, summer). It goes like this:

I take 5 classes next quarter, 4 classes during spring quarter, and 2 classes during summer quarter. I'll also be taking a calculus course at community college concurrently that will span late January to early May which equates to half of my roughly 2/3 of both my winter and spring quarters. What's more, there are two similar but different majors at Davis that I like, Economics and Managerial Economics. I've planned each out. In Winter, the classes I'm taking count for both majors. Then, by Spring I choose one or the other and follow that path through summer. Then I'll walk in June at UC Davis (assuming I pass everything to that point) and finish the last two of my classes by July. I'll officially receive my degree in September. This allows me time to find a job while I'm finishing those last two classes and/or begin the process of graduate school (MBA).

It's confusing, but I've attended a class at 6 different colleges (Arizona State, 4 Community Colleges, and UC Davis) so it isn't really that confusing to me.

The challenge lies ahead of me. I can either falter like I have the last 6 months or do what I'm actually capable of.

The other thing to work on from now until the end of July is my personal happiness. School is going to own my life but I can't let it control my life. I gotta keep working out, playing guitar, writing, whatever it is that keeps me happy. I have to find time for friends but find more time for studying. I have to work less and spend money wiser. I have to become confident again and pick myself up when things go wrong.

This may be one of the toughest stretches of my life coming up. I have been waiting 4 years for this. I have failed and made new plans and worked through things. I've had people come in and out of my life. I've had a lot of drama and moved to many different places. But the goal for me now is to be happy. I want to be happy while I'm working my ass off and I want to be happy when I reach my goal. And then, I want to make an even loftier one and still be happy.

It's going to happen.
Tags: school, plans, life
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Strengths and Weaknesses
10/22/09 at 02:16 PM by cassusriff
There is a constant discussion in my head about who I am and what I am about. It always comes down to what I am willing to accept about myself, what I want to work on, and what I need to do more of.

I learned an important thing in my education and experience in the business world. It is much more important to improve on your strengths than your weaknesses. I think that goes against our conventional wisdom. I think we so consistently like to root for the underdog, that we ignore the fact that he/she/they is/are working 10 times harder than someone else just to have a chance to achieve the same results. For example, the famous story about "Rudy" the kid who got into Norte Dame, walked on the football team, and made a tackle on the last play of the year. The story was excellent and really warmed our hearts, but in reality the kid worked 10 times harder than anyone else on that team and only got one play out of it. Hard work was this kid's strength, size and strength and football skills were not.

This is not to say that we shouldn't go against the odds or improve our weaknesses. I don't think any great thing in history would've happened if we people didn't go against the grain every now and then. What I mean by all of this, is that we have to be realistic and smart about the road we take.

I'm not a good dancer, you won't see me on "So You Think You Can Dance" anytime soon. I used to perform in theatre and choir and it was fun, but I was always realistic about it. I was in the upper echelon of performers in a very small sample space. I wasn't ever going to pursue performing as a career because I knew that the talent level I needed simply wasn't there. I surely enjoy it though, and I always have the option to do a community show or something like that. Same goes with football. I am athletic, but I don't have the skills to play in the NFL, so I play intramural flag football at my college and I have a blast. That's all that matters.

But that's not my point. I just think that we tend to focus too much on our shortcomings and how to make them better instead of on what we are good at and how to make those things better. I am an excellent thinker, I tend to understand people really well, I can multitask, I can learn quickly, I can relate to almost anyone. I find these things to be very useful in the business world. What's even better is that I actually enjoy all of this. I also realize that I'd make an excellent college advisor or something along those lines. Nothing looks better than someone who understands what their strengths are and utilizes them to their full potential.

Ever since I've adopted this thought process, my life has been happier and more fulfilling. I am very hard on myself, more so than even the most totalitarian superior. I find that when I accept my weaknesses and improve them where I can and instead focus most of my energy toward my strengths, I am more productive and successful. I will probably never stop being anxious about what people think, but I can be hyper-aware (something I've very good at) of what I'm thinking and realize that I'm being ridiculous. I probably will always wear my heart on my sleeve, but I can be excellent at thinking and exploring my emotions in a healthier way. And the list goes on...

Focus on strengths instead of weaknesses and you will find yourself performing to the potential you probably thought you always had. You will find yourself happier and finding more success. You'll look at the mirror and smile again because you are proud of something you are doing.

You may even find your niche. And that is the best place for any person to be in their life.
Tags: strengths, weakness, business, school, life, personal
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Happy Stress
07/24/09 at 12:11 PM by cassusriff
Happy stress and anxiety? Is that possible? Iíd say so. There are people out there who work 12 hour days and love their job. There are parents (no really, there are) that spend all day with their kids and love it. So I think itís possible.
But in the end, it is still stress and anxiety. So with a week to go at the company Iíve been with for over 2 years, Iím starting to feel the anxiety and the stress. But Iím happy. Iím cracking jokes at work, smiling most of the day, brushing off minor setbacks. For example, this morning I was late, I spilled my starbucks as I got out of my car, I had to walk through sprinklers to get into the building, and the phones were busy when I got in. I laughed it off and kept going. Thatís very unlike the person I have been in the past.
The whole prospect of going to UC Davis to finish my degree, to give myself the opportunity to get a degree so I can start an actual career instead of working these entry-level jobs, to finally get a shot at being a Ďrealí college student again (and by Ďrealí college student I mean NOT working more than 20 hours a week and actually staying on campus all day as I go to classes that are actually challenging and exciting) has me very excited.
But Iíve been here before, obviously Iíve never been this close, but Iíve been here. I went to Arizona State out of high school and I left after a year for so many reasons. The last two years Iíve been working at Blue Shield and going to the four community colleges in this area. I almost went to UC San Diego, I almost went to University of Washington, I planned on moving to LA, I almost joined the Navy. Iíve had a different goal every few months it seems.
So when I finally got focused and did what was best and most intelligent, I decided to go to UC Davis. I have a great major (Managerial Economics), I got great financial aid (half scholarships and grants, half loans), I figured out a way to graduate in one year instead of two, I found a cheap, efficient, environmentally friendly way to commute (biking and riding the train), and I even managed to find a part time job on campus.
It all fell into place. Itís all there. Itís all done. In a little over a week Iíll start my summer session there.
So why the anxiety and stress? Because EVERYTHING is changing. Iíve been trying to get here for three yearsÖ and now that it is here I donít know what to do. Iíve had a certain comfort level being at Blue Shield the last few years and Iím leaving that. Iím challenging myself with the most difficult classes Iíve ever taken and Iím taking a heavier schedule than most students because Iím trying to graduate in one year. Iím switching from driving to biking and using public transit. Iím holding myself to a much stricter budget because Iím not going to be making the same amount of money. Itís all great, but god dammit it is scary.
I keep waiting for something to fall apart. But it canít. There will be minor setbacks, there always will be. But I got all the major stuff figured out.
I donít know many people whoíve taken as many risks and accepted as many failures and gone through as many changes as I have the last 3 years. This one is major and it is understandable that Iím a bit anxious for it. But shouldnít I be used to this by now?
Iím afraid though. Itís why I havenít bought any school apparel. For every college I almost went to I bought a shot glass, a hoodie, or something with the schoolís name and I always ended up not going. I took my bike in for a major tuneup because I fear that it will fall apart on the first day I ride to school. Iím buying my books as early as I can. Iíve budgeted myself out for a whole year. I havenít officially sent an email to all my friends in the company letting them know that my last day is a week from today (though my notice is in of course). Iím treading carefully. And everyone who is close to me feels the pressure and the anxiety too. They know Iím on the brink of where Iíve wanted to be for years. They know I need this to work and frankly, they do too.
Hereís to hoping. Hereís to futures and changes. Hereís to a new chapter that truly pays the dividends.
Tags: Stress, life, school, work, change, more serious personal blogging
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The End of May
05/25/09 at 11:40 PM by cassusriff
Interesting weekend. To recap:

My room underwent a bit of a redesign. My mom got me a new desk and a new bed set. My room has a very distinct contemporary design with black furniture. I also got a bluetooth apple keyboard to go with my bluetooth mouse and MiniDVI to HDMI cable. What all this means? Well, I'm in bed typing this while I stare at my 42" Sharp Aquos TV. I have a nice portable macbook, but I also have a 42" monitor to use while in my awesome room. Of all the living spaces I've ever had, this is definitely my favorite. The house in general is amazing and has really factored into my decision to stay here for school.

During the weekend I saw Terminator (awesome movie), hung out with my girlfriend, smoked hookah with some old friends, watched some sports, went shopping with my mom, and went to my cousin's high school graduation party.

The graduation party was very interesting. I remember when my cousins were freshman in high school and I was a senior. Now I'm three years removed from high school and really beginning my adult life. I keep getting asked if I feel different now that I'm 21. Initially I always say no because I don't drink much more now and I never drank much in general, but when I think about it I do feel different. I feel older now. I feel more removed from everything than ever before. Maybe this has to do with living in this house with my older friends. Maybe this has to do with making the decision about going to UC Davis. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that all my friends are getting to this place too. When we hang out we talk about college majors, careers, graduating from college, moving, jobs, relationships and where they are heading. We talk about our plans for marriage and kids.

It is all very overwhelming, but it is incredibly exciting. I see pragmatism in the decisions the people around me are making. I don't think any of us have really throw away our dreams, I just think we are all growing up and realizing we have to do things to survive and make a decent life for ourselves. Seeing my friends making big decisions and finding happiness makes me very happy.

My family and I are doing well too. It was nice shopping with my mom, good to talk to her again and put the last few months behind us.

The summer is promising. The semester is over and now I'm working to get everything together to go to school this fall. Loans, orientation, registration, paperwork, etc. Of course, I'm still working full time. My girlfriend is leaving to be a counselor at girl scout camp in a week so I won't see her much. Basically my summer is not extremely busy but definitely not a breeze.

I also got the go-ahead to do Razia's Shadow with the theatre company. I need to talk to my old high school to see if they would let us perform there. I don't know if I can pull this show together during this summer, but I can definitely try. I'll update more on that as it happens.

That should be all for now. Till next time.
Tags: razias shadow, performance, technology, life, personal, school, family, friends
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Waking Up In A New Beginning
04/26/09 at 05:34 PM by cassusriff
I'm sitting in Starbucks paying for a few hours of internet so I can do some homework and take care of a few other things while I wait for the internet to get set up at my new place.

It's been a crazy journey to this point. A lot has changed and I have to say it is all for the better. I already feel at home in my new place after one day. I am excited about a new start. I've been accepted to 3 colleges so far (UC Davis, UC San Diego, Univ of Oregon) and I am waiting to hear from Univ of Washington. My initial response is to lean toward attending UC Davis because of the stability I have established in this area. I have a job (which is more than a lot of people can say these days), I have friends here, I know the area, I wouldn't have to pay an arm and a leg to attend, and I would come out relatively strong financially and with a degree accompanied with 4 years of business experience.

Yes, the draw of going to Oregon or Washington is there. I love Eugene and I love Seattle. The areas and the colleges are magnificent. But the costs are huge, and it also involves uprooting my entire life for the 5 time in the last 3 years. To be honest, after the move this weekend, I am a bit tired of all the change. I've also come to realize that I have always yearned for something different but never really took the time to enjoy what I have. I think my family has made me want to leave this area for so long, but the truth is that with this move I have more distance from them. I don't live with my brother anymore, my mom doesn't know where I live anymore, no one does. The house is a refuge of sorts. I feel like there is no pressure when I'm there.

The move was exhausting in every way. My family fought and argued throughout it all. I was disowned by both parents repeatedly only to have them call again to yell at me. I had my brother, who just needed some guidance, getting tugged around every which way. Finally, my common sense prevailed and he went to the only certain living situation that he had at this time. His car got repossessed, but I think he has a stable environment now that will allow him to work himself back up. I can honestly say that even with the less than favorable living situation we had, I really looked out for his best interests and mine when we moved, even if it meant going against my parents and having them come down on me pretty hard.

Throughout the process, my girlfriend was amazing. I've never had anyone in my life like her. She helped more than anyone in my family ever could, and kept me going when I was breaking down due to the pressure. I couldn't even begin to repay her for what she's done for me, but I will do my best. She truly is one of a kind, not letting her go.

My friends that I have moved in with are also one of a kind. They had the help of their families and knew that I didn't, but they went to bat for me and have come through in every way. I couldn't be in a better living situation than the one I am in now.

All of this makes me want to stay. Why go and pursue change when what you have is so good? If I've distanced myself from the one thing that is difficult, my family, then why do I need to run any further? I've got the perfect combination of a house with guys I can watch sports and play pool and drink beer with and a girlfriend who is always there for me and will also want to watch sports, play pool, and drink beer. I have a good job, an acceptance letter from a great school in the area, and a fantastic place to live. Sorry if I don't really feel the pressure to leave that all behind right now.

I'm sore and tired. But I am damn happy.
Tags: moving, life, school, friends, family, girlfriend, personal
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14 Hours
03/25/09 at 12:30 AM by cassusriff
Same old story, but I'll put up a photo blog and vlog of the trip soon. I haven't fully recovered yet, drove 14 hours to get home as those of you who read my twitter know. Since then I've gone straight back to work and taken my midterms. Still have to finish my personal statement for the business school by next week. Also have to prepare for the move to the house. That will be in about a month. I'm really excited for it actually. This summer isn't going to be fun cause my girlfriend will be gone for most of it, but it will be much better when I'm living with my friends and hopefully working on the musical.

So I'm nearing the end of a really stressful month... ah hell no I'm not. There's always something. But I made a to-do list a few weeks ago and everything is just about done. I'll be pretty relieved with the applications are all done. Once the move is done I'll feel pretty good as well. Then after that the semester is going to end and I'll only have to worry about the college decisions and putting together the musical. The musical will be stressful too, but it should be a lot of fun if it goes right. Speaking of which, I have to put together that proposal in the next week. Guess my saturday is going to be pretty busy.

Anyway, saw the Twlight movie with my gf... it wasn't very good but it wasn't too terrible. I'd love to read the books because maybe I'd find out what the big deal is. I hope any Heroes fans watched the episode this week. Bryan Fuller returned as a writer and wrote the episode. It was the best episode I've seen since season 1, VERY happy this talented writer is being put to good use, even if it did mean I had to lose Pushing Daisies.

Till next time.
Tags: random, school, life, tv, heroes, twilight, musical
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Selling Stuff
01/08/09 at 03:54 PM by cassusriff
So I'm selling my computer and if you are interested go ahead and bid on it! I have my macbook and don't need this anymore and need the extra cash.

I'm also selling my Sidekick LX (I have an iPhone now). The phone is in great condition and comes with a charger, a car charger, and a 6GB memory card I got for it. You can store quite a few songs on it and a ton of pictures. I don't have a listing for this, so just email me at coreymlong@gmail.com and we'll discuss pricing and all that.

Anyway, enough of that. I just wannat throw in a quick update. I haven't been writing much lately cause I've been busy applying for colleges and getting other stuff together (bills, school, work). Also, I haven't seen any new movies or spun any new music so I haven't had any thoughts on those. My EOTY list was pretty extensive and took me a whole night to write, so I'm just taking a break until my first music purchase of 2009.

Um, besides that there is nothing too dramatic or anything in my life. It has been chugging along nicely. I gotta say that I love how I've taken organization to the next level by syncing my contacts and calendar with my phone and changing everything to my gmail from my hotmail. Add that to my excel spreadsheet with all my financial stuff and I'm feeling very good about life, just knowing what's going on and how much money I have and all that.

I'm leaning toward University of Washington for this fall. I should explain. I've been hellbent on Southern CA for years now and I thought about it and wondered why. I don't like hot weather and I'm indifferent to beaches. I've always wanted to go to the east coast, wear big coats and scarves, play in the snow, and just focus on school instead of partying all the time. I would definitely suggest warm-weather schools to most people, but I think the kind of person I am prefers colder weather. So, with that said I still haven't made any decisions, but Udub does have the best business school of all the colleges I applied to (U of Oregon, UCLA, UCSD). The Navy Degree Completion Program I applied for will pay me based on the cost of living of whatever school I go to, I can receive a scholarship through Blue Shield of CA because my mom works there, and I can apply for work study and work at the college when I'm attending.

Either way, I'm looking at a situation where I can go to school full-time as a business student while only working part-time and having a guaranteed job out of college. This is what I've been dreaming of since I left ASU. I've been searching for the answers to the financial problem with college for the last two years and I'm dangerously close. I'll keep you all updated.

Besides all that, life is still great. The girl might be going to Udub as well, so that's another plus! We all know how much long distance sucks.

Till next time!
Tags: school, money, selling, sidekick lx, dell computer, udub, oregon, ucla, ucsd
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01/06/09 at 04:24 AM by cassusriff
So many applications!

University of Oregon Fall 09

University of Washington Fall 09

University of Oregon General Application Scholarship.

University of Washington General Application Scholarship.

Navy Degree Completion Program Application.

Navy Officer Program Application.

Blue Shield Tuition Reimbursement Form.

I'm having fun with it though. Hopefully all this stuff falls into place and I can go to school this fall knowing I have a job in two years and not having to work full time. My question for anyone reading this is... Oregon or Washington? Eugene or Seattle? Small Town or Big City?

Or do I stay in CA and go to San Diego or LA (blah)?

2009 is a big year for me.
Tags: 2009, school, navy, choices, applications, work
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I'm Awesome
12/30/08 at 03:55 AM by cassusriff
3.5 this semester. And that is while dealing with all the stupid drama I dealt with. To recap:

Moved to San Diego. Moved back. Signed up for classes. Started a new full time job (well, same company, different department). Got the wrong Accounting book. Didn't have my Calculus book for the first 5 weeks. Dropped Calculus after finding out I didn't need it. Added an 8-week Political Science class. Went to class on Saturday mornings. Missed a ton of Accounting classes for various reasons. Bombed the 3rd Accounting test for lack of studying.

But in the end, pulled out an incredibly strong 'A' in Political Science and aced the Accounting final to solidify my 'B' in that class. Successful semester. I'm still upset, I could've gotten an 'A' in Accounting if I hadn't slacked off so much.

Oh well, here's to straight A's next semester!

P.S. oh... um, EOTY list coming soon. And Ch. 11 after that.
Tags: grades, school, semester, classes, EOTY, life
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Finals Beard
12/19/08 at 04:28 AM by cassusriff
So every time finals roll around I have this ritual. I call it the "Finals Beard". Now, there is nothing very original about this. There are all kinds of reasons to grow beards, but this is mine! For this beard, I last shaved on November 30th, 2008 and finally shaved again on December 16th, 2008. So a little over two weeks brought me this:

And after all that time and some stressful finals, I shaved it all off. It was quite the scene. I had to use two razors and a lot of shaving cream. Got a few cuts as well. This is me happy, clean-shaven, and done with finals!

Let me know which look you like better. I enjoyed the beard, though it was a bit itchy. I do like myself clean-shaven as well though. Just thought you'd all enjoy this fun little ritual of mine!
Tags: beards, finals, shaving, rituals, tradition, school, picture
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Headfirst Slide
12/19/08 at 03:11 AM by cassusriff
So this is a rambling blog.

My problem with the story is that I feel like if I write a blog that isn't one of the chapters, I'm angering people. I have three chapters left and I will finish them soon enough, but there are too many other things on my mind that I have to get out before I can finish this damn story.

Fall Out Boy's new album is awesome. I've been back and forth with the band through their history. I never hated or loved them too much so I don't think I can ever be truly disappointed by them. Their lyrics have a way of speaking to everyone and you have to respect that. Let's just say that FOB is in my good graces and put out a top-10 album this year.

Speaking of which, I'm planning a huge EOTY list for this year. I went back and looked at my list from last year and added tons of categories. I'm going to do this thing in multiple segments and I'm totally stoked for it. Look for that to come in the next week.

So yes, I finally finished finals. I would definitely say I was spiraling and burning out in the last month. I'm still not close to feeling stable again, but I'm getting there. I still have to do a few more things to make sure I'll get my Social Science and General Education Associate's Degrees in May. But my online class schedule along with my 4 days a week of guaranteed working out with my weight training and cardio classes makes me happy. Not to mention that I don't have to worry about any of that until the end of January.

When this time of the year comes around I always get a bit nostalgic. I think everyone does. But I've been thinking about where I was a year ago. I hadn't moved out of my parent's house yet. I was recently dumped, I was lost and hating my direction. I was a mess. I was trying to find happiness in misery (FOB quote, ZOMG!).

Now I look at myself and I find that I'm trying to find misery in happiness. I've been so used to strife and pain and struggle that I don't know what to do with all this happiness in my life. I keep thinking that something bad is coming, that it is impossible to maintain this level of happiness... but nothing suggests that my happiness is going anywhere. It's crazy. I have an amazing girlfriend and a healthy relationship for the first time in... ever. My friends are all home and we are partying on saturday. I'm moving up at work. I have a good class schedule and I'm getting two degrees then transferring to UCLA or UCSD next fall. There's also one more prospect I'm excited about, but I'll get to that in a bit. Even Christmas, which is usually a terrible holiday for me, has become very enjoyable thanks to my beautiful girl. She took me to cut down a tree and decorated it with me and everything. My first Xmas on my own and she helped make it amazing.

Speaking of which, I need to do some shopping and creating. I hope to find some time in the next week to write some music, write some poetry and lyrics that aren't related to my story (though I still plan to write that as well!), continue to organize my life via my macbook and my iphone (yea, I got one... I know, I fail), and finish my EOTY list. I really want to blog more, but what is important right now are my family, friends, and girlfriend. Got plans to see a show, party, play football, have a relaxing and extended night with my girl, drive to San Jose and San Francisco to see family, exchange gifts and try to avoid annoying family bitterness and just have some cheer for once. If I've learned anything in my relationship, it's that I am a bit closed off and jaded. I'm trying to let go a bit more.

So back to organizing. I love syncing my calendar and contacts with my macbook and my iphone. I've been so crazy about it and still have some more tweeking to do. I like having lists and contacts with complete information.

And about that other prospect? Well I'm looking at joining the military. Before you jump on my ass about it, let me tell you that I'm looking at the officer program and won't join unless they pay for the next two years of college. The Navy is looking like the best bet right now. Basically, they have a program where they would pay me something like $3000 a month while I'm in school from Fall 2009-Spring 2011. I wouldn't have to work anything more than a part time job and I'd be able to focus on school and get my degree in Economics. Then when I went off to active duty for 4 years I'd be able to be a higher rank as an Officer, travel the world, work in Intelligence (which I love and would have a blast doing), save up money for my graduate degree, have a steady job and priceless experience, and no debt. By the time I'd be done with active duty I'd be 27, on my way to a graduate degree, have enough money to buy a house, have a guaranteed job with the Navy or enough experience on my resume to get a good job in what would be a hopefully recovering Economy, and be at a place in my life that would make me extremely proud and fulfilled.

Think of all of that what you will, but just the prospect of a free, unabaited education and a guaranteed job that I'm sure I'd love at the very least more than my current one makes my beam with excitement.

For the first time in years I feel like I have a track I am on. I feel like I have a purpose and I have my life figured out.

And if you don't like where I'm going, thats fine. You can just read my EOTY list and my story and my blogs about music. You don't have to like me as a person.

Anyway, good to be writing again. Much love to all of you!

Tags: update, life, blogging, EOTY, music, school, military, fob, iphone
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12/05/08 at 03:26 PM by cassusriff
I'm gonna be pop-u-hoo-lar!

No, but really... what is the criteria for being a "popular" blog on this site? Just wondering. I think I'm up to the top 10 most viewed on the site, which is incredible. Thank you all so much. But I'm thinking I need 200 entries before I get that sweet little red "popular" tag next to my blogs. That'll be fun!

P.S. Bonus points for ANYONE who knows what the first line of my blog is from.

So last night was the first night I had time to write my story and I actually didn't. I needed a mental health day from the damn thing. I'm burnt out on finals and a lot of stuff going on with xmas and friends and family. I'm overall in a very happy place right now so I couldn't bring myself to revisit what is about to be the really dark part of my story last night. I'll do my darndest to get Chapter 10 out tonight, but I have to do my homework for Poly Sci first.

Also, xmas tree lighting with my girl and her parents tonight. Me having holiday spirit is the most amazing development of this year. I even put up decorations at my desk! WTF?

I love the new Kanye West album. Don't care what you say about the guy, he makes good music.

Give me a week and a half and my life will return to some form of normalcy. Fall semesters are always so crazy. Spring semesters are always easy. I have everything I want now: all the tech stuff I need to stay organized, an awesome class schedule that forces me to do cardio (Mon/Wed) and weight training (Tues/Thurs). My only two academic classes (Sociology and Statistics) are online. I love that schedule. No saturday classes. No 3-hour classes after work. Just one hour of working out 2 hours after getting off work from Mon-Thurs. I couldn't be happier.

Also, I'm looking into a program that will cause a lot of friction for people who know me. I'll reveal all that later. Sorry for this long and sporadic update, but with the demand to finish my story I haven't been able to write stuff that I like to write, you know, my narcissistic rants that assume all my readers actually care about my personal life. haha.

I'm hoping that when the story is done I'll get back to thoughts on entertainment and stuff like that. After all, that is what this website is about right?

Okay, peace out!
Tags: update, popular, music, life, school, xmas, girls, writing, story
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10/21/08 at 01:51 AM by cassusriff
Man, I thought last year was busy. I thought last spring was busy. I thought I knew what busy was.

I had NO fucking idea.

I don't even have a second to breathe it seems. I wake up exhausted and head to work. This job isn't like my old job at Blue Shield, I actually have to produce quality work for a straight 8 hours. I get off work and go home and try to find some piece of mind while maintaining communication with the girl I'm crazy about who lives across the country. I go to class and take a test or sit through a rough lecture or take an extremely difficult quiz. I get home and use my spare time to buy groceries, talk to my girl again, watch some TV with my brother, talk my friends through hard times or even good times, organize my finances and bills, do homework, make a video or write a blog.

Before I know it, it is 2am and I have work in 6 hours.

Rinse. Repeat the process.

Those who know me know that I am a bit OCD. In weird ways too. I used to have this routine of websites I'd check and I am really adamant about responding to comments on my blogs and facebook and youtube and such... but now I'm finding that I don't even have time to do that. I want to make more videos but I have no time for that. I want to work out but I'm just not finding time for that unless it is during my 10 minute break at work. Fortunately, I've continued eating relatively well so I've stayed at my target weight.

My mind is a blur of thoughts. I just applied for a second job during weekends and I don't know why I think I can handle that right now but I feel like I just NEED to handle that right now. I feel compelled to take on all of this because I think that 2009 is going to be another big year for me (maybe more successful too) and I can't slow down now. I need to hit the new year in stride and I can't relax now.

In two weeks my life is going to change when she steps off that plane.

My friends are all getting older and dealing with the pain and frustration that I have been dealing with for two years. They feel alone, they feel pressure, they feel lack of support and realism hitting them all at once. Welcome to the party people... I'm your host.

My family cannot function as a whole, but expect me to be their glue. I have to deal with them on an individual basis and it is up to me to make time for that. Same with my friends... just because I have a new love interest doesn't mean that I am just going to abandon them. I'm not like that nor will I ever be. I'm willing to stay up the extra hour for them. Work sucks, school sucks. I may be working 7 days a week and going to school 4 days a week in the near future... Help me.

But in the face of adversity, I have to stand strong. I may not have much air to breathe, but every breath is crisp and refreshing. I need to learn to survive on less oxygen. Thank heavens for her, she's injecting me with positivity throughout all of this and it is like a drug to me. I can't get enough of her.

So here I am... counting days. But the days are moving quicker than I can count. Before I know it...

The day will be here.
Tags: personal, work, friends, family, school, relationships, time
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Move In, Move Out
09/15/08 at 01:56 AM by cassusriff
Wasn't I supposed to rest on weekends?

Damn, changing roommates shouldn't be this much work. My brother is moving in though, so his lack of any furniture falls on me and my mom to provide. She did most of the work and I give her a lot of credit, but I went through my usual OCD of having to clean whenever a lot of stuff is moved around. So I spent all day vacuuming, cleaning, dusting, moving furniture, and putting stuff together. Though I did take a nice break in between to watch the 49ers win a thrilling game in OT while eating pizza with my now former roommate and my other friend. There is nothing better than a sunday eating pizza with friends watching football, nothing.

Hanging pictures is a son of a bitch, there is so much intricacy that goes into it. My living room looks sweet now though. I really want to thank my old roommate, he left his sound system here because he has no room for it and said I could borrow it until he has a use for it. This makes me very happy. Though I do need to find out why the sub isn't working.

A few more kinks to work out with the apartment: Have to reorganize my room, make sure the cable gets set up correctly, make sure the gas and electric continue just fine, and the aforementioned fixing of the sub on the sound system. Besides that, the place is looking nice. I'm glad to call this apartment home for the next year.

Alright, on board for this week:

-First week of training at work. I've been doing the easy stuff so far, but now I have to actually learn the job. This could be moderately fun or extremely boring. Former please!

-Accounting and Calculus continued. Another week or these classes that will only get harder.

-Heart Walk on Saturday. The Heart Walk is pretty exciting for me. I ran a 5k last week in 30 mins, so I'm pretty sure walking it in 3 hours won't be a problem. I'm excited I've raised almost $200 already.

-Hanging out with Eric and maybe some other friends. We will see how my time works out with all of that.

I'll post some recs tomorrow, right now is sleepy time.

Donate to the American Heart Association for my Heart Walk
Tags: moving, roommates, family, friends, weekend, football, work, school, charity
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