i have to write my vows this week. the wedding is 2 weeks away. we're leaving for san fran on the 18th though, and we have to send them to the minister before we go so she can print them on note cards. i have some things scratched out on paper, but i never thought it would be this hard. i just want them to be perfect. or as close as i can get.
why don't you dance a little closer? (closer)
and i'll spin you around, your heels will never touch the ground
i always want to sweep her away, to have her know that she is the only girl in the room. that she is mine and i am hers and that is how it will always be. i hurt her so badly before, almost ruined this forever...what are the perfect words to swear my love and fidelity in spite of all the sadness?
the only thing that matters now
is this could be perfect
even when we were going through the bad period back in early 2007, i knew i could never have a life without her in it. when i was questioning if i had gone so far that i could never get back to her and us, the love and the life we had, i still wanted her there. when you break your love/your best friend's heart, crush it into dust, is there room for anything more? i had hurt her so badly, fractured her heart and her soul and her confidence, everything in her to her core. i didn't know if i deserved to still be with her...but even then she and i knew we could never just be friends. we'd be lying to ourselves and hurting any future significant others. janine and i were not meant to be just friends.
so here i am, listening to spitalfield and drawing inspiration and trying to come up with the right words to express my love and my gratitude to the size of her heart and her ability to forgive me and love me. we were friends before we were anything else. she is my best buddy, and my love, my confidant, my partner in crime. we laugh so much together, even when we're just sitting around the apartment. we cook together (she's the head chef to my sous, but i like to chop). she watches baseball games with me and even lets me keep football on for longer than she'd like. she sings the words to all my favorite songs. when we were in college, she'd reset the alarm for me before she left for class. she is beautiful and smart and funny and challenges me to be a better person. and when she kisses me, "this is the one for you" pulses through me from head to toe. i see our future together more clearly than i ever have. a house and land, enough for a huge garden. traveling to all the places we wrote down on a scrap of paper when we first moved in together in 2005. children and working together to make a home. growing older with our fingers still entwined. two old ladies with tons of family around. all our dreams coming true.
i love her so much and i am the luckiest girl alive to have a second chance that many people never get. i can't erase what i did, but i can keep her floating. her heels will never touch the ground.