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| i'll keep this short08/21/08 at 02:41 PM by sjb2k1 |
today is day 6 of the sober experiment. no booze, no pot. just me and my thoughts and feelings and a lot of mountain dew and apple juice. i will admit it was tough in the beginning, because i'm just used to cracking open a beer--watching tv, making dinner, etc. tough in the sense that drinking beer was/is part of my routine. but it's a lot easier when i just substitute something else, like the dew or the juice. i also like that janine knows i am sober and present and not drinking her away or anything.
do i think i am an alcoholic at 25? no. do i think that i could be if i let myself slide? absolutely. there's too much genetics and unhealthy behaviors involved to think otherwise. i wonder how my mom feels now, after a decade of sobriety. i am afraid to ask. i don't want this coming up. i don't want her to know. i don't want her to worry about me.
tomorrow will be day 7. saturday will be day 8, if i can make it through becky's damn birthday party. in that situation drinking will be more of a coping mechanism to deal with her and the tools she works with more than anything. although i suppose at its core, that IS what getting drunk is. a coping mechanism. but these people are assholes, and they'd be a lot easier to tolerate if i was drunk. not sloppy, but nice and buzzed. but then again, after a week of no drinking, it'd be a step back to start. and i'd have to go through the withdrawal period again. that's the worst part, the adjustment period. after a day or two, everything's fine.
i guess we'll see. | | Tags: sober, drinking, dealing with tools |
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