finally found a copy of new Valencia. on the drive home from the best buy in chapel hill (really durham), i got caught in a ridiculous torrential downpour courtesy of tropical storm (now a depression?) fay. i had the music up loud and could barely see as i tried not to crash into the blurry red tail lights in front of me. there's something poetic, or stupid, in listening to upbeat music about people who've died while trying not to die yourself. but i made it home.
so we had therapy today. the therapist was not impressed with my drinking on friday and saturday. "i thought we were going to have you go a month without drinking" and another somewhat snide comment about me not being able to go more than 5 days without drinking. first off, when we left last time we all decided i wouldn't drink until our next session (so two weeks). second, i was quite proud of myself for not drinking during that time, and aside from those two days, i haven't drank. i'm drinking a mountain dew right now. and i'm 100% sure i wouldn't have drank anyway on friday had barbara and eric not set out three beers on ice especially for me. like i've said, i didn't want to be rude or weird or call attention to my business. i do not like awkward situations. i'm awkward enough as it is. so i was frustrated with our therapist saying that, but i hate being put on the spot, so i didn't say anything about the time discrepancy. i did mention how proud i am of myself. so this time around we've modified it to only drinking a beer an hour in party situations. but basically that means, any situation where it would call attention to my business if i abstained completely.
i have new valencia, but i'm drawn to a line from old valencia:
"is it in me, to put the bottle down?"
but it's all about moderation and control, and that is my challenge. i know i am up for it.