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The Remnants of Uncertainty...
A Shot to...
02/12/09 at 04:26 PM by cassusriff
A shot to friendship.
A shot to love.
A shot to forgetting ex-girlfriends and loving our new ones.
A shot to the tripod.
A shot to advancing careers.
A shot to a good year.
A shot for the hell of it.
A shot for picking up right where we left off.
A shot to happiness.
A shot to being here with the people we love most.

We might get pretty drunk, but this will be one of those weekends for the memories. Me, my best friends and our girls. Eric's going away party (He's heading to France for the year to star in a Disneyland Paris production of HSM as Troy), Disneyland with the girls on Valentine's Day, seeing old friends, having good times, sleeping on the floor and the couch.

I can't wait.
Tags: party, friends, good times
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Overwhelmed
10/21/08 at 01:51 AM by cassusriff
Man, I thought last year was busy. I thought last spring was busy. I thought I knew what busy was.

I had NO fucking idea.

I don't even have a second to breathe it seems. I wake up exhausted and head to work. This job isn't like my old job at Blue Shield, I actually have to produce quality work for a straight 8 hours. I get off work and go home and try to find some piece of mind while maintaining communication with the girl I'm crazy about who lives across the country. I go to class and take a test or sit through a rough lecture or take an extremely difficult quiz. I get home and use my spare time to buy groceries, talk to my girl again, watch some TV with my brother, talk my friends through hard times or even good times, organize my finances and bills, do homework, make a video or write a blog.

Before I know it, it is 2am and I have work in 6 hours.

Rinse. Repeat the process.

Those who know me know that I am a bit OCD. In weird ways too. I used to have this routine of websites I'd check and I am really adamant about responding to comments on my blogs and facebook and youtube and such... but now I'm finding that I don't even have time to do that. I want to make more videos but I have no time for that. I want to work out but I'm just not finding time for that unless it is during my 10 minute break at work. Fortunately, I've continued eating relatively well so I've stayed at my target weight.

My mind is a blur of thoughts. I just applied for a second job during weekends and I don't know why I think I can handle that right now but I feel like I just NEED to handle that right now. I feel compelled to take on all of this because I think that 2009 is going to be another big year for me (maybe more successful too) and I can't slow down now. I need to hit the new year in stride and I can't relax now.

In two weeks my life is going to change when she steps off that plane.

My friends are all getting older and dealing with the pain and frustration that I have been dealing with for two years. They feel alone, they feel pressure, they feel lack of support and realism hitting them all at once. Welcome to the party people... I'm your host.

My family cannot function as a whole, but expect me to be their glue. I have to deal with them on an individual basis and it is up to me to make time for that. Same with my friends... just because I have a new love interest doesn't mean that I am just going to abandon them. I'm not like that nor will I ever be. I'm willing to stay up the extra hour for them. Work sucks, school sucks. I may be working 7 days a week and going to school 4 days a week in the near future... Help me.

But in the face of adversity, I have to stand strong. I may not have much air to breathe, but every breath is crisp and refreshing. I need to learn to survive on less oxygen. Thank heavens for her, she's injecting me with positivity throughout all of this and it is like a drug to me. I can't get enough of her.

So here I am... counting days. But the days are moving quicker than I can count. Before I know it...

The day will be here.
Tags: personal, work, friends, family, school, relationships, time
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Century
06/05/08 at 10:26 AM by cassusriff
century. it's a time that affects the place in our lives. a century ago was just a few years. just a decade, but a century instead.

those times were so simple. so fun and innocent.

our century was without doubt or pain or anger.

this century is change.

this century is our place.
Tags: oneword.com, century, time
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