Her stomach swirled with knots as she listened to his voice on the other end.
He cheerily recounted the events of his day, oblivious of her nervousness on the other end.
She found it hard to pay attention when her mind was running rampant with mixed feelings. She tried to hold back interrupting him and blurting out how she really felt and everything she needed to see.
It's almost not worth the fight.
He sounded pleased with himself as he wrapped up his story. She had barely heard a word he said.
I need to tell him. I need to tell him that I'm losing it, that I feel like it's almost gone already. Things are different now.
But what was different? Was it her personal issues? Was it his personal issues?
All she was certain of was that she lost it.
It was the fear of losing someone. The realization that you've figured out how to live without that person.
What was there really if you didn't think you needed them in the same way? If you knew you could wake up on your own and it would still be okay?
Could you ever get it back? Was it the same as completely falling out of love?
Something had changed at some point. It was no longer the fear of losing, but the fear of the truth.
this thing was the reason I met you
and you are the reason I wrote the words
and it is the reason we are ruined.
It'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.
I'm guessing that if you looked up jealousy in the dictionary- there would be a picture of me.
I miss these entries.
They were the only thing that used to keep me sane.
This is relevant. This is me.
This is what I couldn't say to you.
I really don't know what to say besides the obvious, Thank you so incredibly much for lurking and reading.
I'm not sure if these views came from a handful or people or what, but it's mind-blowing to me. I've received more views on here in the last two years than I have on my MySpace page that I've had for 5 years. Pretty unreal.
I used to have this linked to my twitter, but some of my old classmates started to read between the lines and make connections about who some of these mystery people are that I write about. It was pretty embarrassing. The entire premise of the blog was to talk strictly about music and how it is incorporated in every day life. However, though I've sort of expanded it a bit, it was never meant to hurt anyone. This is just my outlet regarding the fantasy and the truth about my every day occurrences. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to bring it back to the real world.
With 2009 coming to a close, I'm hoping the next season in the Series of my life with be a little less heartbreaking, a little more fulfilling and all still read worthy. Maybe you've experienced the same situations and can relate--if so, feel free to talk about it. It's nice to hear other stories because it puts things into perspective a bit. Also, no one should have to go through the hard stuff alone. If you have some good blog recs, send them my way too. Reading blogs is a great stress reliever...(unless of course you turn out to be the subject of said entry.)
I'd like to thank some of my favorite readers: WhoSaidThat?, ProudlyLastPlac, Prefix-core, IcedOpethBlind, CassusRiff, MusicTalks, Blake Solomon, Mike Kraft, and Adrian (if you still are reading this!) for providing support/humor/opinion on whatever I was writing about. Thanks for everything.
Also, here are the bloggers that I've currently been reading on the regular: