EAGLES, Phillies, Flyers, tacos.
Female - 26 Years Old
I thought about it for a considerable amount of time when I was around 15. I would write in journals about how upset and frustrated and completely fed up I was with my abusive, alcoholic father and how terrible my parents' divorce was, and how much easier it would be to just stop living.
Until I got a phone call one morning. A woman I consider my second mother, informed us that her daughter, a sister to me, had hung herself.
You don't realize how many people you really touch in your life. The funeral directors had to respectively turn people away at her funeral because there were so many people there to pay their respects, but there was a funeral scheduled after hers and they couldn't let the line get any longer. I didn't listen to her suicide tape, but I was told she spoke of how alone she felt.
You are not alone. I got over my severe depression by holing myself up in my room, listening to music and filling pages and pages of countless journals saying everything I couldn't say to anyone else. "Eventually" littered every entry. No therapy, no pills, just waiting for the eventually period to come. It hurt, but honestly, it did come.
OP, I'm sorry you have to go through this. And I'm also sorry to say, it will never be okay. Every morning you'll wake up and it will hurt a little bit less, but it will never go away. My only advice to you is to treasure the time you had with your friend. And keep an eye out for other friends who may start to exhibit the same symptoms your friend may have the weeks or months before his ultimate decision. It's tough, there's no point in trying to act like it's not. As cliche as it sounds, you just have to keep going.