It's not that I'm bad at nursing, but I'm thinking about changing majors. I was (and still am) a sick kid for a majority of my life, and because of that, I thought at one point that I had a calling to help people with the same disease. I thought I should be the one to help those who were turned down by other doctors like I was. Why? Because I have the aptitude, I've been always a good student. I know I CAN do it, and something in me makes me feel guilty if I don't.
However, I remember being a kid at career fair and telling my classmates who wanted to be doctors or nurses, "ew, I respect anyone who can do that and it pays great, but it's just not something I would do." My whole life I've been in love with computers, english (reading, writing), music, and talking to people, listening, etc. Those are my hobbies. I've been told by people (my mom, for example) that sometimes when you take a career in something that you love, you get sick of it eventually. Sometimes things are better left as hobbies because you can get sick of them as a full-time career. Is this true? I can see how it could be, but at the same time, shouldn't I do what I love for a job?
I don't know what I want to do. All I know is that last night my dad said he could see me being the guy who implements entire new computer systems/software for companies (he sees this stuff first hand a lot because he's a corporate controller/finance director) and when he brought that up, I excitedly said, "now THAT would be fun".
I just don't know if I'm afraid of nursing because I don't want to hurt people. I don't know if I'm afraid of studying. It's really hard work. I do know that even though I passed putting an NG tube down a dummy's nose with flying colors, the thought of doing that to a human being makes me cringe. I do know that I hate crazy hours, I hate being on my feet, I don't like to be rushed like a chicken with his head cut off. I like desk jobs. I like to sit at a computer, to write, to research something, whatever. I like to do things at my own pace. I also know that I have a panic attack every tuesday morning having to wake up at 5 AM for my clinical. My illness makes me have really bad sleeping issues- I have chronic fatigue, insomnia issues, no sleeping pill puts me to sleep, and any small noise wakes me up. I am exhausted on those days and I just want to cry when I wake up. But, on the other hand, once I get there, I can function, and clinical has never been as bad as I thought it would be.
What should I do? Would it be a mistake to drop out mid-semester, work for the semester, and transfer to a bigger University? My current school is really only great for nursing. It has like 2000 kids and it 80% females. The major selection is kind of limited, people their are idiots, douches, and our campus is awful. I told myself if I ever changed majors I would not stay there. I do love my suite though, my dorm, my roommate is a good friend of mine, and I like everyone in there, which is kind of amazing to me considering 10 guys live in it. I'm thinking of UNH- my best friend up there and I have always wanted to grab an apartment together, but our schools are an hour apart.
I don't know. I just don't want to change majors for the wrong reason. I don't want to look back and regret the things that I have done.
Sick kid wanted to help other sick kids by being a nurse. Not sure if it's for him. Scared of dropping out on his second year of school to start fresh at another University next semester. What do.