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11:13 PM on 12/11/12 
#1
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cheesypepsi
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san jose
Male - 22 Years Old
I'm not going to complain that I don't have a girlfriend or anything, because that just seems redundant. What's happened in the last few months, though, is that I now have this inability to talk to women, like at all. Even just a friendly conversation with someone I don't want to ask out, I get so flustered sometimes. I went through a few life changing decisions and moments in the past year, so that might contribute, but I'm not sure. These aforementioned personal things were made so I would get my confidence back.

It did, but while I have a new found confidence in school, my social skills have kind of gone down the crapper. I'm not looking to vent, but I really would like some helpful advice. It's a little silly, I know, and it seems immature but it's something that I can't seem to get past. Does anyone have tips in talking to women (whether it be friendly or with other intentions)? Thanks, everyone.
12:09 AM on 12/12/12 
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upthepunx
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San Diego, CA
Male - 25 Years Old
I had/have a similar issue: I started just throwing myself into it, whether I wanted to really do it or not. I was just honest with myself, it's practice, you don't always have to flirt to hook-up, it can be flirting/talking just for the hell of it, there doesn't have to be a goal.
I think the biggest part of the whole thing just being comfortable knowing that you will be rejected often, that's where the confidence comes from, being okay with rejection. Make it funny, have an understanding that it''s going to happen, and it happens to everyone. Further, being humble when you're successful. Where are the girls of AP? They usually have more meaningful things to say on this topic.

- or just get blackout drunk in las vegas
12:14 AM on 12/12/12 
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drat!
How much cheese is too much cheese?
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PA
Male - 28 Years Old
I was so shy at one point that girls talked about me looking at them in my presence just to make me stop looking at them. The best thing that happened to me was getting a job where a girl worked that I thought was attractive. It forced me to talk to her and in turn, I became more confident talking to girls.
01:06 AM on 12/12/12 
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OurLadyCoolbean
False. Black bears.
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Seattle, WA
Male - 21 Years Old
Honestly just make yourself talk to them. It can be hard, but once you throw yourself out there, you'll always find it pays off. It seems like a case where just doing this repeatedly can help you learn to get over it.

I'm admittedly not the most qualified to give advice, I'm sure there will be a lot better advice in this thread.
01:45 AM on 12/12/12 
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casinocolumbus
Regular Member
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Female - 23 Years Old
don't put the pussy on a pedestal

no but seriously get a job or join a club where you have to talk to all sorts of people.
10:22 AM on 12/12/12 
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TheRealJohnOC
@BehindtheCade Seen over 730 bands!
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Hudson County, NJ
Male
You just have to build it up slowly again. The more you are around people, the easier it will be. Start off by making friends with other guys. Go out and hang with those guys. I'm sure one of them has a girlfriend. Have casual convos with them. This is how you build up courage to talk to girls. I'm sure she'll have a friend or two that she'll hook you up with and do the same thing with the new girl. It's all about building up confidence. Just don't overthink it and you'll be fine. Remember, it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight.
10:54 AM on 12/12/12 
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TorontoMatt
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Talk to them as if you arent trying to bang them. Girls get hit on often, thus they usually date friends of their friends, not randoms. So get male friends and become friends with their female friends.

But im 25, I dont know if things have changed. We didnt text much when I was in high school.
11:35 AM on 12/12/12 
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sjb2k1
6-5, still in it baby!
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the bull city
Female - 31 Years Old
try not to put too much pressure on yourself. i hate small talk but it turns out it's a necessary social skill. you can pretty much bullshit about anything, music, weather, sports teams, something that happened to you on the way to work
01:50 PM on 12/12/12 
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tinylilnative
Brand New? Nope, never heard of 'em
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Gotham City, NY
Male - 27 Years Old
You just have to build it up slowly again. The more you are around people, the easier it will be. Start off by making friends with other guys. Go out and hang with those guys. I'm sure one of them has a girlfriend. Have casual convos with them. This is how you build up courage to talk to girls. I'm sure she'll have a friend or two that she'll hook you up with and do the same thing with the new girl. It's all about building up confidence. Just don't overthink it and you'll be fine. Remember, it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight.

Great advice.
05:10 PM on 12/12/12 
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iamthealex
Meet me in Montauk.
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Wiscompton
Male - 22 Years Old
Just keep going for it with the understanding that the first couple times you approach a girl, you might fuck up. Yeah, it really blows when that happens but believe it or not, it happens to everyone and chances are you'll never have to see them again in your life if you don't want to. After a while you'll get more familiar with talking to girls or really just people in general.
06:44 PM on 12/12/12 
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theonlyplace
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North Dakota
Female - 23 Years Old
Coming from a female, there is no true right or wrong. We're all different and we all react to different guys...differently. But I would have to say that two things that will turn a girl off (or run her off) is to make her feel like she's getting hit on intentionally or being bombarded by questions. Don't interview us, just have a simple conversation and it will grow from there.

I don't think anyone has a magical answer or any perfect advice for this sort of thing. I barely have a clue how to talk to guys. The only defense mechanism I have when it comes to speaking to the opposite sex is to attempt to be funny. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Practice makes perfect.
09:48 PM on 12/12/12 
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cheesypepsi
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san jose
Male - 22 Years Old
I really appreciate all of your input, honestly. Sometimes, I worry that a woman will think that I'm hitting on her when I'm just trying to be friendly. Is there anyway to prevent that besides just being friendly?

You just have to build it up slowly again. The more you are around people, the easier it will be. Start off by making friends with other guys. Go out and hang with those guys. I'm sure one of them has a girlfriend. Have casual convos with them. This is how you build up courage to talk to girls. I'm sure she'll have a friend or two that she'll hook you up with and do the same thing with the new girl. It's all about building up confidence. Just don't overthink it and you'll be fine. Remember, it's a process. It doesn't happen overnight.

I like what you said here; to be frank overthinking has been my Achilles Heel all my life. I've never been in a relationship, while all my friends are in one or have been in one, so it's a little weird for me sometimes. Recently, the whole being single thing hasn't been all that much of an issue (being busy with school and all) but the inability to talk is. So thanks for your advice; I think I just have to go into it and talk casually.
10:04 PM on 12/12/12 
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TheRealJohnOC
@BehindtheCade Seen over 730 bands!
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Hudson County, NJ
Male
I really appreciate all of your input, honestly. Sometimes, I worry that a woman will think that I'm hitting on her when I'm just trying to be friendly. Is there anyway to prevent that besides just being friendly?



I like what you said here; to be frank overthinking has been my Achilles Heel all my life. I've never been in a relationship, while all my friends are in one or have been in one, so it's a little weird for me sometimes. Recently, the whole being single thing hasn't been all that much of an issue (being busy with school and all) but the inability to talk is. So thanks for your advice; I think I just have to go into it and talk casually.

Yeah dude anytime. If you need any more advice, just send me a PM and we'll talk more.
10:27 PM on 12/12/12 
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thisisadisaster
RICK FROM ALABAMA
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Male - 27 Years Old
show her your boobs / show you her boobs

YOURE WELCOME
11:42 AM on 12/22/12 
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xCoconutheadx
Perfectly Imperfect
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United States
Female - 21 Years Old
Make yourself sound interesting, heck we all like a good story

Flirt, smile, use physical contact.



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