It was the yellowest thing I'd ever seen. It was attached to my penis, it was my penis, I think. I looked down at it just sitting there, staring hourly to see if it would go away, hoping that it was some sort of std day dream. The yellow point of it was slowly turning white at the tip and every time I looked it seemed to be looking at me like a judgemental volcano. I wouldn't have minded if it had the credentials, but it had only been there a week or so and it was judging me. Had it been that mole on my shoulder making the condemnatory glances I would have completely understood, but having this new comer with his, or her, in fact yes female, that would make sense, judgement smacked of arrogance.
Anyway, maybe he/she/it had a point. This was my doing, mine and that stunning creature from 11 days ago. I'm pretty sure it was her, it probably was. Long black hair and legs that I didn't think could exist. I couldn't tell you her name or the colour of her eyes but god, I could buy her the right sized jeans, which in a way is just as important. Not that there are any shopping trips in our future, in fact if I see her again I'm going to find it very hard not to point out that she left mount Vesuvius on my genitals. She looked so clean too, like proper clean but if I start fading back in to telling how it's the quiet ones you have to look out for then please strangle me with my own obvious rope. Rope, bet she'd have been in to that.... Maybe she deserves a text. Next time, condom, definitely. Less fun but also less puss in the long run. I wonder does she know she's infecting people, maybe I should n.b that at the end of the text. Kind of romantic in a way, like a modern sexual footnote.
I haven't felt like this in a long time. Alcoholics say they have their moment of clarity etc, I think this may be mine. This growth and its appearance on my penis have really made me think. The only thing is I'm not sure what they've made me think about. It's not my sex drive, mostly its unaffected. I've not had sex in 11 days, but that's fair enough, yeah? I still get ridiculous erections while watching copious amount of porn, but now it looks like I've accessorised my member with a mexican hat. Talking to a pal recently about my predicament, he asked me would it be a hindrance to my future sexual liaisons if I have a pimple about to rupture and a lady friend just happened to see him. You have to forgive this man, he's had 3 sexual partners and 4 girlfriends, the maths explains his disposition. Kindly, I informed him that if a woman is prepared to put a part of you inside her and suddenly spots a blemish on said part, she's probably still going to go through with it because : a) that stuff only matters in polite conversation...b) it would be too awkward to bring up the matter mid-coitus or c) a handsome, charming and modest man doesn't come along everyday so she puts up with a few dents in the chassis.
Looking back over things might be good. To look back at 36 might not exactly be a tale from the grave, but look at it this way, form says I'll be dead at 72 so half time is as good as any to recap my existence. I'd say 58 is more likely, more drugs than the average man, more booze as well but more sex too and they always say that adds a few years.