3OH!3 – Streets of Gold
Record Label: Photo Finish Records
Release Date: June 29th, 2010
I truly hate the guys – dubbed dude 1 and dude 2 for this review – behind 3OH!3. Not because they're (probably) pricks, but because they are maddeningly baffling. This weird electro rap doesn’t seem marketable, yet dude 1 and dude 2 are something like a white person phenomenon; they cruise through towns playing music that is very clearly ironic but also somehow straightforward. A simple statement like, “Nobody sincerely likes a song with the hook, ‘I’m gonna have a house party in my house,' it’s f*#king retarded,” is probably misguided, because I can’t help but think that dude 1 is only distracting me with his stupid rave beats so dude 2 can laugh at me trying to be a hipster when I am clearly MUCH TOO FAT. True, girls do this all the time, but they have boobs – their insistence on being mysterious and vague and (usually) their hatred towards me become moot when boobs are involved. (Although, Katy Perry, your cameo on “Starstrukk” is more anti-climactic than all of my sexual encounters combined. And that’s A LOT of anti-climax.) So kudos, maybe, to 3OH!3, if only for the fact that I am probably just missing out on a big joke, and trust me when I say being in on the joke is my most favorite thing ever.
As if to prove my incomprehensible point, the only good songs on Streets of Gold are the ones clearly meant as some sort of filler/appeasement to the band’s middle class emo demigods. “R.I.P” is 3OH!3’s first sign of restraint when it comes to overpowering dumb girls with fuzzy beats. And the singing! I still say that dude 1 and dude 2 are good-to-great singers. However, they spend far too much time screaming at me to get drunk or buy blingaling (or whatever); the only time I don’t mind this yelling is on “We Are Young,” because the hook is simple and bombastic like a summer blockbuster. But mostly it’s the songs that will never, ever make the radio that I keep replaying: “I’m Not The One” is infantile and simple, but so am I. “Streets of Gold” uplifts, even in the face of a whiny beat that sounds like bees on speed. “Love 2012” is an attempt at epic songwriting, and despite landing somewhere far from memorable, it creates a nice offset to thoughtless radio hopefuls like “Double Vision” and “I Know How To Say.”
I mean, the guys have packed Streets of Gold with mindless, completely clustered romps through nothingness. So why include the songs I mentioned above? Which type of tune are they writing because that’s what they, you know, like: the screamy whiteboy rap, or the mildly thoughtful and completely catchy diversions into The Higher-esque pop? You must see my confusion by now. Streets of Gold is completely disjointed (and way too long) and I can’t figure out why. It would be easy to point (middle) fingers at producer Matt Squire, although I think he phoned this one in big time – every “rap” song sounds exactly the same. For all we know dude 1 and dude 2 might be hiding actual talent behind their mountains of cash. Perhaps they owe the mob money and this was the fastest way to save their secret families. Or maybe it’s some sort of sociological experiment that’s going extraordinarily well. Sadly, whatever motive causes depressingly capitalistic songs like “I Can Do Anything” may never be found. But as long as 3OH!3 keep making music that isn’t claustrophobic for the sake of it, I’ll investigate. Who are dude 1 and dude 2, and why must they perplex me so?
This review is hilarious. Although I still think Streets of Gold will be my guilty pleasure of the year. I must say I love the title song, I Know How to Say and We Are Young and they will probably be in constant rotation for my summer playlist.
Although, I wouldn't say that 3OH!3 is exactly "screaming"...
You can't get editorial like this anywhere else on the planet. And that in and of itself will continue to make your reviews and this site sterling. The RIYL in and of itself is pure genius. My hat's off to you. Splendid work.