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Album Review
EATMEWHILEIMHOT! - xALBUMx Album Cover

EATMEWHILEIMHOT! - xALBUMx

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2.5
EATMEWHILEIMHOT!xALBUMx
Record Label: Loveway Records
Release Date: July 27, 2010
This review was written by an AP.net staff member.
It’s difficult to decide how to review this “album” – on one hand, EATMEWHILEIMHOT! created xALBUMx as a joke, or at least I hope it’s all a joke, but on the other hand, it’s absolutely atrocious and literally painful to listen to. Therefore, I’ve decided to review this by taking the joking parts, though subtle and minimal, as a joke; however, I will describe most of the “record” simply as it is: appalling. We all know Christofer Drew from nevershoutnever! fame, but if you can imagine a worse side of him than NSN!, he’s accomplished just that with EMWIH! This cannot even be called music. I’m truly embarrassed that I had to listen to xALBUMx, but I figured I’d do you all a favor by writing this review, allowing you to know just how bad this “album” is so that you don’t have the misfortune of listening to it, even once.

Admittedly, opener “xDESTROYx” begins amusingly as Drew begins by saying “I came here today to bring you something, something you’ve never heard before. Actually, you’ve heard it everywhere on Myspace, everyone’s trying to cash in on this thing called the ‘breakdown’” before going into a massive breakdown. I actually did laugh at this part, as it’s clear that EMWIH! meant some of this album as a joke. That said, that is the only amusing line on the “album,” as the rest is simply trash. As “xDESTORYx” continues, Drew’s screams are just painful to listen to, literally making me cringe. Similar to on the opening track, “xSMWHOREx” continues to take hits at death metal with the low screams and growling, literally making me want to throw up. I mean honestly, it may all be a joke, but wow, could they have at least made it tolerable to listen to? The “lyrics” on the “track” are indecipherable, plagued by appalling death metal growls.

“xPIZZAx” incorporates the first “clean vocals” yet on xALBUMx, courtesy of Christofer Drew, but they’re just as bad as the screams as Drew explains “I may be a vegetarian / but Lord, I gotta eat.” Seriously? Yes, this “album” is really that horrendous. “xGRIZZYx” is simply yelling of “grizzly” over and over again until it makes the listener want to vomit everywhere while “xVAMPIREx” pokes fun at all the vampire fetishes lately (Twilight, etc) and in this way is semi-laughable…that is..until Drew’s screams come in again, making the “track” yet another fail on this 8 track atrocity. Up next is “xMUSTACHEx” which actually features Taylor Macfee’s decent bass lines; however, the sickness-inducing death metal-esque speaking and later screams of course ruin another unbearable “joke” track. What’s the joke here? None of xALBUMx is funny, as the true pain felt and heard while listening overtakes any “humor” on this “record.”

Finally, the last “track,” “xBURRITOx.” And what do you know, EATMEWHILEIMHOT! saved the worst for last, a track literally comprised of pig oinks through growls, which make no sense, until the final disgrace ends. Finally. With maybe one laughable moment, which is within the first five seconds of this “album,” the entirety of xALBUMx is truly awful and agonizing. Truthfully, this “music” made me cringe throughout the “album.” The screams are painful to perceive the sound of, the lyrics cannot even be called such, the concept is stupid, the humor nonexistent. The list is never-ending. The sad thing is that the best part of EMWIH! is their metalcore rip-off instrumentation: the drop-tuned guitars, double bass drums, and bass lines are the only thing semi-bearable about this “record.” That in itself is saddening, for this band is trying to make a joke of metalcore, yet the only tolerable part is indeed the metal instrumentation itself. Move over Attack Attack!, EATMEWHILEIMHOT! have outdone you, taking your place at releasing the worst album of the year. Not only is this the worst record I’ve heard all year, it’s most likely the worst heard in my life – no exaggeration. I will be throwing this atrocity away, immediately. Do yourself a favor: do not listen to this album. Trust me, you’ll thank me. xTHE ENDx.

Recommended If You Like“br00tal” hardcore music. Honestly, who knows, maybe your eardrums bleeding

Additional Information
Track Listing:
1. xDESTROYx
2. xSMWHOREx
3. xPIZZAx
4. xGRIZZLYx
5. xBICYCLEx
6. xVAMPIRESx
7. xMUSTACHEx
8. xBURRITOx

EATMWHILEIMHOT! are:
Christofer Drew – Vocals
Caleb Denison – Guitar, Studio Drums, Bass
Hayden Kaiser – Guitar
Taylor Macfee – Bass
Nathan Elison – Drums

myspace.com/eatmewhileimhot
 
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 64
07:58 PM on 07/20/10
#2
eatbabiesyum
Registered Infant Consumer
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really great review :)

i actually like 'xVAMPIRESx'...maybe im crazy...i don't know

but damn...i was mostly appalled at the fact that these "joke" songs don't seem to be real attempts at any form of a song. yelling "grizzly" over and over again shouldn't count as any real attempt at music, and wasting what could be good basslines seems silly to me. but trendy kids with teased hair would tend to disagree...
08:24 PM on 07/20/10
#3
vivatoto56
Your wick won't burn away
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Attack Attack's new album is still worse.
02:14 AM on 07/21/10
#4
SSGW
Sutton
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This is an awful cd. They have it streaming on pure volume. I got through four songs and couldn't listen to anymore.
07:36 AM on 07/21/10
#5
Ryan Gardner
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really great review :)

i actually like 'xVAMPIRESx'...maybe im crazy...i don't know

but damn...i was mostly appalled at the fact that these "joke" songs don't seem to be real attempts at any form of a song. yelling "grizzly" over and over again shouldn't count as any real attempt at music, and wasting what could be good basslines seems silly to me. but trendy kids with teased hair would tend to disagree...
Thanks for the kind words, and I agree with your comment wholly.
07:47 AM on 07/21/10
#6
incognitojones
http://auburn-hills.tumblr.com
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It gave me an Asking Alexandria feel, only better because of the lack of synth and that they know they are joking when making bad music.
01:59 PM on 07/21/10
#7
SingMeInsomnia
Because I can.
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Is that the actual album cover?
02:13 PM on 07/21/10
#8
TerrancePryor
twitter.com/terrancepryor
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Kids are gonna eat this shit up. Goddammit.
03:23 PM on 07/21/10
#9
Ryan Gardner
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Is that the actual album cover?
Sadly
05:02 PM on 07/21/10
dtomczak
always hungry.
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hahahaha
just listened to a few songs on myspace, this band is hilarious.
but you can't say it's better than attack attack!'s new album. granted, both are pretty bad albums, but at least AA! are trying to infuse different styles of music and are actually making songs that are longer than 2 minutes. eatmewhileimhot! is simply a joke and should obviously never be taken seriously.
08:10 PM on 07/21/10
truthbetoldxx
http://www.milkshakes.bandcamp.c om
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i love the use of quotes in this review
09:03 PM on 07/21/10
Ryan Gardner
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i love the use of quotes in this review
sarcasm or serious? ha
09:32 PM on 07/21/10
brandon_260
Ah, yes.
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I gave it a listen yesterday cause I was incredibly bored. I miss when I didn't hate life
10:03 PM on 07/21/10
R3ality
my ~~~~~~~~~
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This shit is so awesome. I love brutal shit like this, so talented.
10:12 PM on 07/21/10
DeathOrGlory
I'm not fucked, not quite
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xDESTROYx actually made me laugh and xVAMPIREx wasn't that offensive. I actually enjoyed this a lbit more than the other shitty music (ie. Attack Attack, Fight Fair) released this year simply because it's obviously a joke and not a half bad one unlike Califonia Kicks. As a joke it somewhat succeeds but as music it's pretty terrible.

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