[mylifeismusic]

Trapt in a world,
Where only eyes can see.
There lies a girl,
Whose heart no longer beats.
Every marking on her body
Has a story to tell.
As shes lying there breathless,
The blood begins to well.
It seeps through her clothes,
Starts to fall like rain
Every drop that hits the sheet
Is a drop full of pain
He kisses her goodnight,
Tucks her into bed,
Tells her that he loves her,
As shes lying there dead.

tell me what u think. i have many more poems. but this one im not all sure about.

[p0p the c0rn]

Originally Posted by mylifeismusic

Trapt in a world,
Where only eyes can see.
There lies a girl,
Whose heart no longer beats.
Every marking on her body
Has a story to tell.
As shes lying there breathless,
The blood begins to well.
It seeps through her clothes,
Starts to fall like rain
Every drop that hits the sheet
Is a drop full of pain
He kisses her goodnight,
Tucks her into bed,
Tells her that he loves her,
As shes lying there dead.

tell me what u think. i have many more poems. but this one im not all sure about.

I do really like it.
Usually death, pain & blood imagery doesn't do anything for me but this is actually really elegant in the way it's done :)

[Chasethesin]

this is really good. i legit like everything about, goodjob :)

[crackedthesky]

Very generic, bad grammar, and the flow changes every couple of lines and makes the piece stop too often.

[nickbarefoot]

Last part was good, but very mediocre grammar and it came off a little too emo.

[blink44xx]

yeah, basically what crackedthesky said. but keep doing your thing man.

[mylifeismusic]

ya.. im not too great on grammar yet ha. but im getting there. but thank you for alll your advice:) ill post more stuff here soon.

[cyncoolkid]

Not gonna lie, I actually kind of like the last lyrics.Very Alesana-esque, kudos :)

[Jake Friedom]

I like it, no I love it but thats just me

[mylifeismusic]

Originally Posted by Jake Friedom

I like it, no I love it but thats just me

thank you:) im glad u enjoy it :p ill have to write more so you can tell me what you all think

[Corpsecore]

You're lucky. Seems like I always get the rudest people on my threads. People have told me to quit and have hardly ever had nice words to say. I'm sorry, I'm just too fed up with this fucking site and I don't know why I bother with it. Anyways, I personally didn't enjoy this. It just seems a little too "emo," and it doesn't stand out. But hey, keep doing your thing. Poetry is beautiful and it reflects the beauty found in people. If no one else gives a shit about what I write or what I help compose, I may as well care about what you have to share with us. Keep writing. :)

[CheckeredFloors]

Originally Posted by Corpsecore

You're lucky. Seems like I always get the rudest people on my threads. People have told me to quit and have hardly ever had nice words to say. I'm sorry, I'm just too fed up with this fucking site and I don't know why I bother with it. Anyways, I personally didn't enjoy this. It just seems a little too "emo," and it doesn't stand out. But hey, keep doing your thing. Poetry is beautiful and it reflects the beauty found in people. If no one else gives a shit about what I write or what I help compose, I may as well care about what you have to share with us. Keep writing. :)

Leave the fucking site already.

[Matt Chylak]

Originally Posted by CheckeredFloors

Leave the fucking site already.

seconded

[Jake Friedom]

Originally Posted by mylifeismusic

thank you:) im glad u enjoy it :p ill have to write more so you can tell me what you all think

Deffinetly, you have talent don't put it to waste and don't let the haters get to you

[bandnamexmyname]

lolwut