ABSOLUTExclusive: Winter of 2011 Tour Blog #5

**Alex DiVincenzo** · 10:41 AM on 12/12/11 #2

Winter of 2011 Tour Blog #5Checking in from Boulder, Colorado, it’s Lionize. What’s happening, you say?

So, I’ve been watching Total Recall. A lot. I’ve probably watched Total Recall nine times this week. Needless to say, I really like Total Recall.

Prolonged exposure to this kind of sustained awesomeness has myriad effects, the most notable being a deep seeded fear that one day I’ll awake in a terrifying intergalactic dreamscape from which there is no reprieve but the cold grip of death’s vice-like claws.

But there are also positives. Young Sharon Stone. All those people getting killed on that escalator. (Am I right?! On an escalator! Come on!!) And most notably, the notion that we could have ideal memories implanted in our brains. That got me thinking…what would these ideal memories be like?

Would they start out like badass spy missions to the Mars only to devolve into a hellish reality-fracturing fight to the death? Could it be more like Inception, where you just can’t believe Ellen Page gets work? And more to the point, what would I change about my day-to-day memories?

What follows is our past week on tour, Total Recall edition…

RECALL: Our van blows a tire on the way to New Orleans. We put the spare only to discover it has a leak. Tow truck guy looks like Jim Varney, overcharges us and says at least a half-dozen antiquated racial epithets.
TOTAL RECALL: Our funk-powered Astro Van blows the minds of everyone in New Orleans. We meet Jim Varney taking a leak on Bourbon Street, charge a bunch of Hurricanes to his tab, at which point he gives us a half dozen delicious oysters.

RECALL: In Tallahassee, we see the same kid get ejected from the club four separate times.
TOTAL RECALL: In Tallahassee, we all eject from our prototype fighter jets holding four separate but equally adorable baby pandas.

RECALL: We drove 11 hours overnight from Des Moines to Boulder. Then we drove 9 hours from Boulder to Salt Lake City.
TOTAL RECALL: We learn to teleport. The discovery brings worldwide attention to the band, and ushers in a new era of scientific discovery. Young Sharon Stone is there.

RECALL: At the laundromat in Grand Rapids, a nine year old steals my half bag of Skittles while I’m playing Street Fighter II.
TOTAL RECALL: I SAW YOUR MOM’S LICENSE PLATE. I’M COMING, TYLER!

RECALL: All the shows have been packed. The crowds have been raucous, and everybody on this tour is great to work with.
TOTAL RECALL: Ditto. Also, unicorns are real and play guitar.

Hope that was informative. I think we learned a lot. See ya next week!


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