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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 6/26

Posted by: Drew Beringer (06/26/12)
Even with his band playing to thousands of fans daily on this summer's Warped Tour, Keith Buckley (Every Time I Die) is still finding time to answer your very important questions. As always, these are real questions from real AP.net users, and if you want to have your pressing questions answered, just email Keith here.
      
 
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 37
09:47 AM on 06/26/12
#2
Drew Beringer
Senior Editor - @drewberinger - Locked Groove
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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 6/26Dr. Keith,
What is your professional opinion on free ballin'? Does the risk of accidentally zipping it up post-piss outweigh the benefits of the boys hanging low and loose?

here is a picture of me as i type this in my friends kitchen. i obviously back it fully. no zipper required.


Dear Keith,
Where's the clitoris? Is it in the butthole?

common mistake my man. the clitoris is actually found throughout temperate regions of the northern hemisphere, as it is a herbaceous perennial plant native to Japanese gardens around the 17th century. beautiful, really. i have one in my yard.

Keith,
Why does everyone say the word "Gold" on AP.net?

most likely because of inflation. when i was a kid, everything "radical" was described as "aluminum". like, "hey did you see Larry's new XXL Bane hoodie? It looks so fuckin aluminum on him."

Dr Keith,
My girlfriend is so extremely sexy, I don't know what to do with myself. She is faithful to only me and she's the hottest girl I have ever laid eyes or hands on. Clearly I don't deserve such an amazing, amazing girl, and I struggle with what to do because of this. Any advice?

in order to fully understand and therefore appropriately diagnose your problem, i'd like to set up an appointment to come to your house and watch the two of you do sex stuff inside each other. it could really help me gain an appreciation of your lady and, if she is as wonderful as you say, determine what i would need to do in order to lure her into my "Tongue Dungeon" for the remainder of the year.

Doc,
This past year, one of my friends has become a shut-in. I honestly can't remember the last time he's left his house. This shouldn't bother me, but for some reason it does. How do I get someone to leave their house after they've become very secluded?

first things first. completely ignore the overwhelming sadness you are feeling by thinking it in terms of a cool 80's movie! your friend isnt a depressed (or possibly dead) recluse, hes a computer programmer trapped inside the software of a mainframe computer! now its your job to log onto the exact same leatherboy videochat forum hes in, stream him found footage of someone taking a lurid dump on a partially inflated balloon, set up a meeting at Pizza Hut and boom! extracted!

Dr. Keith,
Do you think that the Bills will ever win a Superbowl in your lifetime?

good sir! might i remind you that this is an advice column! not some whore home where you can stroll in all willy-nilly and speak such perverse blasphemies! my god....

Hey Keith,
Since you're a doctor and all, I was wondering what you wrote your doctoral thesis on. And if it's available to read somewhere...

My doctoral thesis, entitled “3 Stinky Things To Stuff Your Pee-nee In” is available online at www.pissfarm.gov
09:51 AM on 06/26/12
#3
sevinw0rds
Polyrhythms!
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"Tongue Dungeon" holy shit hahaha.
09:56 AM on 06/26/12
#4
Holly HoX!
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Cool knee tats, doc
10:04 AM on 06/26/12
#5
NateFoundGlory
Why do you stay till you see blood?
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Fuck, I love these weeklys.
10:09 AM on 06/26/12
#6
Kyle Thrash
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TONGUE DUNGEON! haha YES!
10:12 AM on 06/26/12
#7
Alex DiVincenzo
www.alexislegend.com
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hahah
10:25 AM on 06/26/12
#8
holybatmon
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Amazing
10:27 AM on 06/26/12
#9
_veges_
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page load error at pissfarm.gov
10:28 AM on 06/26/12
SuNDaYSTaR
[Pull The Trigger]
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His column is pure aluminum.
10:29 AM on 06/26/12
BurymeWalkAway
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Yep I almost choked on my food while reading his answer on where the clitoris is
10:30 AM on 06/26/12
cowlord
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Totally cringed when I read "Tongue Dungeon" haha.

Was also really optimistic that pissfarm.gov was a real website.
10:33 AM on 06/26/12
suicidesaints
A Million F@$% Diamonds
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Totally cringed when I read "Tongue Dungeon" haha.

Was also really optimistic that pissfarm.gov was a real website.
Bubbles, does the pissfarm house all the piss jugs?
10:34 AM on 06/26/12
TenSpeed
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you know, if im fine with him not answering questions seriously, and being funny, its awesome. but if he never answers a question seriously, people aren't going to ask him serious questions.
10:34 AM on 06/26/12
raptorz44
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Could this column ne any more aluminum?
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