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02:26 PM on 08/31/12 
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TheMystery
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Like i stated in my previous thread, I apologize if any of these verses suck. Most of them are very short. Any criticism is appreciated, I will not be offended in any way.

Verse #1

I need to read a dictionary and increase my usage of elevated diction
You need to stop bullshitting since the shit you say is fiction
yet you claim to be a rebel as if you're apart of some petition
telling me to battle, but where's the competition?

Verse #2

Everyone's got their own issues
Everyone's got their problems
The only real issue is that you can't seem to solve them
Feeling a bit stressed
Need to get this off my chest
Feels like I'm wearing a bulletproof vest unless
I'm just depressed like the rest

Verse #3

Our generation is in doom
Take a look around whose in the room
Everybody taking more then they can consume
Nobody caring about the problems even if it were to include a lethal fume
Everyone now a days sucks, so call them a vacuum.

Verse #4

I'm amazed by your own ways
As I'm dazed for days
Fazed going through a different phase
Life gets you lost like a maze
Then it gives you a new way
To your new day.

Verse #5


Sitting in the car
Trying to think of a bar
Look at the ground and I see a purse
Look in my mind and I'll spit a verse
I'm creative as can be
I can't stand the dramatic irony
What is there in me that you can't seem to see
As if I'm not here, as if I'm imaginary.

Verse #6

My whole life has been a constant fight
Always seem to do wrong when I'm trying to do right
Stuck in the dark night trying to see the positive light
But i still don't want you in my sight
Go move away, go take a flight.

Verse #7


You claim to not care
But then you feel lonely while she's not here
She use to be in your physical presence
Now she's just an essence
Maybe next time you should treat her right, maybe learn a lesson.

Verse #8


I find myself obsessively thinking
Compulsively blinking
Foolishly drinking
and by the end of the night, stupidly singing.

Verse #9

The idea of expressing yourself is to express
yet too many people focus on trying to impress
claiming to be original yet rapping about money and bitches just like the rest.

Verse #10

What's the point of discrimination
Judging another individual by their color pigmentation
I'm stuck being judged for being Caucasian
As if it matters what race you are, whether you're black, Mexican, or Asian.

Verse #11

I have a confession
That your my obsession
You keep me stressing
and end up being the cause of my depression
which leaders to bigger things like violence with aggression
which will make a bad impression.

Verse #12

Everybody's life has their own meaning
Anyone's life can change with one dreadful evening
Trying to relive the past while there's no clear reasoning.


09:03 PM on 09/08/12 
#2
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TreeTopsBurning
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I imagined all of these versus being said by DMX as i was reading them and it made me laugh haha. On a more serious note unless youre a story teller you're not going to go far with the way you have these verses set up. I dont see flow at all in these. Maybe you can pull it off but the scenarios i ran through my head i aint feeling it. add some umph to your shit. get intricate and do more word play. listen to a wrapper named Los and see if he can inspire you to challenge your writing process anymore. download Los mixtapes from datpiff.com hes from baltimore and used to be signed with P.Diddy then dropped the label now is signed with them again. haha but his mixtapes are dope, get inspired mayne. Oh but take this as constructive criticism not hate, because you do have some good stuff its just that you seemed to be rhyming for the sake of rhyming and just simply ending lines with the same sound isnt rap.
11:32 PM on 09/09/12 
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TheMystery
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I imagined all of these versus being said by DMX as i was reading them and it made me laugh haha. On a more serious note unless youre a story teller you're not going to go far with the way you have these verses set up. I dont see flow at all in these. Maybe you can pull it off but the scenarios i ran through my head i aint feeling it. add some umph to your shit. get intricate and do more word play. listen to a wrapper named Los and see if he can inspire you to challenge your writing process anymore. download Los mixtapes from datpiff.com hes from baltimore and used to be signed with P.Diddy then dropped the label now is signed with them again. haha but his mixtapes are dope, get inspired mayne. Oh but take this as constructive criticism not hate, because you do have some good stuff its just that you seemed to be rhyming for the sake of rhyming and just simply ending lines with the same sound isnt rap.

Ha at the DMX part.

Yeah all of these verses aren't necessarily too complex or anything, most of them are just simple things I come up with.
I'll definitely check him out & thank you for the criticism, i honestly do appreciate it.
05:59 PM on 09/20/12 
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CJeezy2012
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NC
Male - 22 Years Old
I like your material. Just by reading them, I feel you're "Stacking Ammo". I started writing lyrics in 2008 so I know a lot. I would create more punchlines in your material. Don't change anything! Everything you got is fire, just create punchlines. Peace bro
12:02 PM on 10/05/12 
#5
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Bocheech
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Male - 19 Years Old
i like the first verse but it sounds more like a mac miller sort've deal. like when i was reading it thats what it sounded like in my head
12:17 PM on 10/28/12 
#6
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Conniption
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Male - 23 Years Old
I think once you can find out a way to link these small bursts together, the outcomes gonna be pretty awesome :)
02:40 PM on 10/29/12 
#7
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TheMystery
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Thank you for the feedback everybody :)
09:36 PM on 08/10/13 
#8
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TheMystery
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Bumppppppppppppp :P
04:03 PM on 08/11/13 
#9
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GuasseMup
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Uruguay
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07:42 PM on 08/16/13 
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Wonder Well
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Wonder Well... under observing



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