[upthepunx]

Hey, congratulations, you're human. And you think, and feel, and use introspection to explain all of these negative thoughts you have. It's better you do it this way, than with your fists. Here's the good part, you're only 19... you've got plenty of years ahead to change it.

I always used to think that when I was 18/19/20 that working, and life was some sort of soul-quest where I venture out into the mist and end up doing something that I love.

It's not true that way, the rest of your life is what you make it. And it's likely that these first few years of your legal adulthood are going to be the full of the most hard work, full of sucking it up and taking it. Hopefully there's a lot of fun you're having too, and if this isn't true, you can fix it.
You're obviously smart enough to understand what you are going through, you have the capability to make this what you want. Your intelligence is going to put you ahead in life eventually. It will count for something, and you'll see it become more meaningful the older you get, just work hard and keep pushing.