OP, I have nothing to offer aside from my sincere condolences. It is your birthday, though. Go to, like, Applebee's or something, tell them it's your birthday, and get a free cake or meal or whatever it is they do.
Go to Applebee's, yo. Seriously. You'll get free food! Or at the very least, a bunch of tone-deaf assholes singing Happy Birthday off-key, and while the song itself may suck, it might make you feel better about yourself.